Are you looking for a place to hide?
So I've been semi-tidying my room (shock horror) and very unexpectedly came across a Beowulf score. Now I knew there were three of them, but I assumed I'd given one to Guy or something, but no there it was sitting in my bottom drawer in my room.
So I did something I probably shouldn't have and played/sung through the entire thing and I'm somewhat hit a downer because of it.
Basically I love doing shows. Especially devised shows in which I compose or at the very least arrange the music. Now don't get me wrong: The Last Five Years was absolutely fantastic and I enjoyed a lot of it, ditto to things like Into the Woods, but when I know I can do more than just MD a show I feel I'm not reaching my full potential.
Beowulf was devised almost entirely from scratch. That's how a lot of big name musicals have been devised. It's such an exciting way of creating a work of art. The only problem is I'm not as self driven as I could be so I desperately need a collaborator to push me ahead. And that worked SO well with Guy. Twelfth Night was a lot of fun and took a lot of work, Beowulf was even better and despite issues with Guy and the cast came across very well. And playing through the score just made me realise how much I miss being involved in a piece of work which is partially mine.
Argh! My friendship (or whatever it was) with Guy was such an intense relationship, but it worked brilliantly. We got on so well and we produced pretty damn good pieces of theatre. And I could argue to the cows come home whether we were friends due to him liking me, me likeing him somewhere deep down in my subconcious, or just because we were on a similar artistic plain, but regardless it was a brilliant year both creatively and friendshiply (not a word I know!).
I really want to do another show. I've been working on a few songs (some non-musical theatre), but I just don't have the drive to finish them. I don't really like my own lyrics and without someone to give me a honest opinion I sometimes can't be bothered to finish it. Maybe I should be more pro-active finding a new collaborator - there must be tons of people in Manchester, but I'm really bad at 'selling' myself or what have you. No-one seems as keen as me to create a new musical theatre piece.
Gah!