I didn't thunk it ...
S'amazing how things pan out sometimes just the way you think they're supposed to. More than that, s'amazing how things pan out the way you think they're supposed to but then had never even planned it to work out this way. But then s'also amazing how now matter how well you think it all panned out, there's always that annoying little chink in the armour which, had it not been for that grating thing in the back of your mind, everything would be 100% fantabu-bloody-sooper.
And don't even get me started with self-doubt.
I got the job I wanted!! Abso-bloody-tastic!! I got out of the EC two weeks ago as I had been offered a nice little job at another kind of monitoring agency. At the time it seemed like a great way to get out of the EC but past that rather myopic impression I started to wonder whether this was in fact the right job for me. See, it didn't occur to me until so much later on that in the annals of my deep despair I was so focused on leaving the EC that I wanted a quick escape to anywhere if anyone would have me. Not focused at all on what I really wanted to do, not focused enough on pursuing jobs that I really wanted to invest myself in professionally and emotionally.
Then followed two weeks of agonising and despairing and worrying and nervousness and negativity. I was ecstatic to hear the news of gaining employment away from the EC and ecstatic about handing in that resignation letter. The novelty of the fuck-it-I'm-outta-here letter quickly settled and I was left to ponder and doubt, I didn't think I wanted this other job. Was I just replacing one crappy job for another?
It worked out in the end because on my final day at the EC, I got offered a job with an advocacy group, a job which I think professionally I could grow into and emotionally I could invest myself in. The job is part of the team which develops fundraising, marketing and program development initiatives which is great because it gets more in touch with the media and communications stuff which I wen to uni for. I have no doubt, however, that this job is going to be hard and is probably going to be one of the toughest challenges I face professionally and there's going to be a shitload I'm going to have to learn and that I'll have to make tough professional decisions over -- but I think this one is worth taking that risk over. Amazing how much this opportunity sits so much better with my psyche than the last, and I haven't even done a day's work with either of them.
So now I have two weeks till I start which is abso-fuckin-perfect because I have a tough week of uni assignments coming up which I had no idea how I was going to get through it while starting the other job. I'd like to think it worked out that way because the universe was taking care of me but I think that would be rather egocentric. Then, in my own good deed of paying-it-forward, I offered up my services for a few days in the second week at the EC to help out the fabulous team who have made my job over the last year a lot easier than it could have been. No responsibilities, just helping out a group of people who are stretched for resources and who, in that week and for the rest of that month, are in dire need of staffing due to some circumstances which were approved before I handed in my resignation. It should also be interesting to see the dynamic of how the department runs post-me, once they've gotten into their routines for a week.
Uni assignments - if it were not for assessments, I would be a lifetime uni student. I love learning and I love the intellectual challenge each uni subject presents to me. As it is, I've had enough of uni and I can't wait to finish this degree, take a break from a harrowing schedule of assignments and rejuvenate before embarking on another university course. Analysing myself in this regard has always been difficult because I don't know whether I'm just not mature enough for post-graduate study or whether I'm just not cut out for doing assignments.
Dinner, Idol, overdue essay, sleep, morning internet routine, final essay for pain-in-the-arse course, Monday night TV. Let's see how disciplined I can be.
And don't even get me started with self-doubt.
I got the job I wanted!! Abso-bloody-tastic!! I got out of the EC two weeks ago as I had been offered a nice little job at another kind of monitoring agency. At the time it seemed like a great way to get out of the EC but past that rather myopic impression I started to wonder whether this was in fact the right job for me. See, it didn't occur to me until so much later on that in the annals of my deep despair I was so focused on leaving the EC that I wanted a quick escape to anywhere if anyone would have me. Not focused at all on what I really wanted to do, not focused enough on pursuing jobs that I really wanted to invest myself in professionally and emotionally.
Then followed two weeks of agonising and despairing and worrying and nervousness and negativity. I was ecstatic to hear the news of gaining employment away from the EC and ecstatic about handing in that resignation letter. The novelty of the fuck-it-I'm-outta-here letter quickly settled and I was left to ponder and doubt, I didn't think I wanted this other job. Was I just replacing one crappy job for another?
It worked out in the end because on my final day at the EC, I got offered a job with an advocacy group, a job which I think professionally I could grow into and emotionally I could invest myself in. The job is part of the team which develops fundraising, marketing and program development initiatives which is great because it gets more in touch with the media and communications stuff which I wen to uni for. I have no doubt, however, that this job is going to be hard and is probably going to be one of the toughest challenges I face professionally and there's going to be a shitload I'm going to have to learn and that I'll have to make tough professional decisions over -- but I think this one is worth taking that risk over. Amazing how much this opportunity sits so much better with my psyche than the last, and I haven't even done a day's work with either of them.
So now I have two weeks till I start which is abso-fuckin-perfect because I have a tough week of uni assignments coming up which I had no idea how I was going to get through it while starting the other job. I'd like to think it worked out that way because the universe was taking care of me but I think that would be rather egocentric. Then, in my own good deed of paying-it-forward, I offered up my services for a few days in the second week at the EC to help out the fabulous team who have made my job over the last year a lot easier than it could have been. No responsibilities, just helping out a group of people who are stretched for resources and who, in that week and for the rest of that month, are in dire need of staffing due to some circumstances which were approved before I handed in my resignation. It should also be interesting to see the dynamic of how the department runs post-me, once they've gotten into their routines for a week.
Uni assignments - if it were not for assessments, I would be a lifetime uni student. I love learning and I love the intellectual challenge each uni subject presents to me. As it is, I've had enough of uni and I can't wait to finish this degree, take a break from a harrowing schedule of assignments and rejuvenate before embarking on another university course. Analysing myself in this regard has always been difficult because I don't know whether I'm just not mature enough for post-graduate study or whether I'm just not cut out for doing assignments.
Dinner, Idol, overdue essay, sleep, morning internet routine, final essay for pain-in-the-arse course, Monday night TV. Let's see how disciplined I can be.