He was always alone, always by himself. Never anyone to share the game...
I've come to the conclusion that, for the most part, this summer has been pretty depressing. The other day I was so down that an hour after waking up at noon, I went and laid down on my couch and slept until 4. To make matters worse, my mom misinterpreted my actions as simple sloth and not wanting to get a job. Man, I would LOVE a job right now; at least it would be something to do on a daily basis. Plus, I wouldn't feel guilty every day for going to an expensive school next year and not making any money to help pay for tuition. I went out looking for one again yesterday at the mall. I put in applications to about ten places, and those were just the stores that would let me apply. But, knowing my luck this summer, none of them will call back.
I really need to get out more. If this was The Sims, my social satisfaction bar would have frozen over and fallen off long ago. It's ridiculous though because every time I hang out with anyone I have a great time, at least a far better time than when I'm by myself. It doesn't even matter what we do, my outlook just seems to completely shift. Hell, I even enjoy basketball when I'm with friends, and I'm TERRIBLE at basketball.
I hate comparing my life to others', but I do it anyway since I'm stupid.
Everyone I see has a best friend, someone they always hang out with almost every day. Someone they've always been friends with since the day they met. Someone who is always there to make their friend's day a brighter one. I've never really had a best friend. I hate moving so much. Every time I get comfortable with my location and friends I move and all goes to hell. Case in point, this year. I finally get comfortable with a great group of regular friends and even branched out and met some amazing Andover kids! But, like always, it all ends come Fall. God damnit.
One of those random people that find me on myspace asked me a question a while ago that really got me thinking. She asked me what I consider to be the best day of my life. I couldn't think of an answer for her. I thought about it for days and days and still couldn't think of one. Even now, I still can't think of a single defining moment in my life. I think that's pretty pathetic.
Fuck, I hate how every time I write in my livejournal it turns out sounding like I hate everyone. I should just stop writing unless I'm feeling super great for some reason. I just want anyone that reads to know that I do not hate you. Quite to the contrary, odds are that I think you're really great. And to the five people that are on my friends list now, screw the odds, I'll say it right now, I THINK THAT YOU ARE ALL REALLY GREAT!!! So please, I'm sorry that my emotions influence my writing like this, but you have to understand that more often than not, I have a hard time keeping the negative ones in check when I'm by myself.