on occasion
first off im a lil drunk right now.
what can i say lol. every day i learn more. am i happy with what i feel right now, na. am i a lil disappointed, sure. should i care, apparently not much. do i care, yea but not really?
so. my feelings have changed. not for a particular reason or event but from a large mix of things. ive been told many times before, and seen it before...sadly. the one thing that makes me a little sad is that im so screwed. and that im proven wrong all the time. my hopes are always shot down. that makes me sad cause i feel for the person. its not my personal hopes but the hopes for someone else. my personal things i would of loved to of shared.
i dont want to go off making someone feel guilty, fuck that, u have ur fun, its ur day, by all means, shit im not one to stop anyone. i still think it was just a tad low (not being sarcastic) but im in a position where i feel sold out and i honestly dont wanna talk about it cause i dont want to make the person feel any kind of guilt cause i really do care. if this person was happy, then cool. im not, but i dont care that much about me. i deal with my own things, on my own. and thats never touched. so im cool with w/e happens otherwise... thats why its worth laughing about. the drama is just so immature, how old are these ppl? does anyone think logically anymore. actually, ppl do think logically...when they think. i wanna see this person happy, yea. out of others loss? ..but fuck it. am i judging, sadly yes. do i feel like i should, i know i shouldnt, so my judgment is neutral. was it honest fun, sure. is it worth writing about, maybe not. was it a big deal? i dunno. i dont really think so, but it had its affects.
again, im stuck in a position where i think its wrong but if i say its wrong then this person might feel bad, and i dont want that. if u can understand... ud see. but w/e. just w/e. i feel sad and let down with myself cause im constantly disappointed with small things. thats where the intimidation is. nothing i personally cant handle tho. so once again i pull myself aside and say- w/e man, just look around u... its the reasons that make me laugh. and honestly im done with all this advice, insight crap. sure it makes sense and sure i walk around with it but im tired of it. im tired of it all. its been too long already. i will always have ur back, very true, but what im sooo sad about is that my heart isnt in the same place. and what makes me a lil more sad i wont discuss cause its personal.
that fact right now is what makes me a little down. but u know what, im drunk, im gonna sleep well and tomorrow is another day.
lol one big chunk of my college life will one day be smiled upon.
times of our lives, right?
is the right fit out there?
the battle between the mind and the heart. ...just stupid.
what can i say lol. every day i learn more. am i happy with what i feel right now, na. am i a lil disappointed, sure. should i care, apparently not much. do i care, yea but not really?
so. my feelings have changed. not for a particular reason or event but from a large mix of things. ive been told many times before, and seen it before...sadly. the one thing that makes me a little sad is that im so screwed. and that im proven wrong all the time. my hopes are always shot down. that makes me sad cause i feel for the person. its not my personal hopes but the hopes for someone else. my personal things i would of loved to of shared.
i dont want to go off making someone feel guilty, fuck that, u have ur fun, its ur day, by all means, shit im not one to stop anyone. i still think it was just a tad low (not being sarcastic) but im in a position where i feel sold out and i honestly dont wanna talk about it cause i dont want to make the person feel any kind of guilt cause i really do care. if this person was happy, then cool. im not, but i dont care that much about me. i deal with my own things, on my own. and thats never touched. so im cool with w/e happens otherwise... thats why its worth laughing about. the drama is just so immature, how old are these ppl? does anyone think logically anymore. actually, ppl do think logically...when they think. i wanna see this person happy, yea. out of others loss? ..but fuck it. am i judging, sadly yes. do i feel like i should, i know i shouldnt, so my judgment is neutral. was it honest fun, sure. is it worth writing about, maybe not. was it a big deal? i dunno. i dont really think so, but it had its affects.
again, im stuck in a position where i think its wrong but if i say its wrong then this person might feel bad, and i dont want that. if u can understand... ud see. but w/e. just w/e. i feel sad and let down with myself cause im constantly disappointed with small things. thats where the intimidation is. nothing i personally cant handle tho. so once again i pull myself aside and say- w/e man, just look around u... its the reasons that make me laugh. and honestly im done with all this advice, insight crap. sure it makes sense and sure i walk around with it but im tired of it. im tired of it all. its been too long already. i will always have ur back, very true, but what im sooo sad about is that my heart isnt in the same place. and what makes me a lil more sad i wont discuss cause its personal.
that fact right now is what makes me a little down. but u know what, im drunk, im gonna sleep well and tomorrow is another day.
lol one big chunk of my college life will one day be smiled upon.
times of our lives, right?
is the right fit out there?
the battle between the mind and the heart. ...just stupid.