=( Venting..
I was just looking at some peoples live journal profiles that I hadnt heard from in awhile and I found out a couple people passed away. I've also had a couple people I was really close too pass away this year, my friend Teresa Truxillo and Kristen Hazen. They all had Cystic Fibrosis. They never gave up and Im so thankfull I got to know them. Ive lost many friends through the years with CF and Its very hard to deal with. It really upsets me. It takes alot to make me cry, but my eyes open up like water faucets when I think about this. I have alot of friends with CF that are stubborn as hell and wont go down without a fight. Hopefully there will be a cure soon or they will get new lungs so that they can breathe easier. Everytime I get sick, I wonder if this will be my last time. I came close to dying back in Dec. of 2001, I was in the ICU on a Bi-Pap machine and I was prolly down to 90lbs. It scared the hell out of me. Ive been sick alot since than, but thankfully not as sick as that time. I'll never give up though and hopefully I'll be able to get on the lung transplant list soon. I know im getting a little off the topic that I started with but while Im thinking about it.. Is it normal for a 22 year old to live day to day, and not really be planning for a future. I mean I know nobody knows when their time is up. But everyday Im faced with thinking "will this be my last week?.. so I might as well live for the moment". But I end up making bad choices from thinking that way. I try to think that I can have a productive life. But its hard to do when your on social security and arent aloud to work or they will take your benifits away. Its DAMN hard to live off of 500 a month. How is one supposed to afford a car, rent, food, clothes,gas, and be able to have a little fun? I do but I have help from my family and I work off the books. I just dont know what to do anymore.. Its like a catch 22. And how am I supposed to tell someone if I start dating someone all of that, I dont know how anyone would date someone like me. Im high maintenance,lol I know everyone has problems, and mine are prolly minor to somebody elses, so Im def not feeling sorry for myself. Im just venting on here. -Anyways today I just did some breathing treatments, went shopping for some food, and rented some movies.. I know I should be in the hospital right now, but Im trying to do everything possible to stay out. Because It gets really lonely in there, I wont have a computer and Im far away from friends and family. I'll also prolly have to get the port put in. I dunno maybe Im just too stubborn for my own good and I think I know everything. I know I dont. =/ - Mikey