(no subject)
I cant say that everything is all better, but I think it will change over time. I have opened up to people. I have told the people I care about how I am feeling. I haveopened up to other co workers in just engaging in conversation with them, listening and making myself available. I am working on doing this in the outside world but my interaction with people here revolves primarily around school. I have opened up for help when I need it and not held back questions I have had no matter how dumb I think they are.
Opening up has taken me to a good place. It has gotten things off my chest, and allowed me to look deeper into myself. It has lead me to a lot of realizations. I have taken those realizations to heart and made plans on improvement. The big one I came to today is that I really fell back after Amy. I put up walls, told everyone I was ok. I carried on with life pretending that I was ok. That could have been far from the truth. It really hurt when we broke up. I handled things poorly and went back to 25 year old me. Drinking often and heavily and entering meaning less relationships with multiple women. Thus far I am forgiving myself and working on improvement.
The big thing in letting go I have noticed is that I treat my co-workers better. I want to be around them, give them solutions and positive feedback. Before I just showed up fixed the problem and walked away to hide in my office and go back to nothing. I have brought back my to do list, and keep an empty whiteboard for the requests that come up. In that regard I'm taking control of things and it feels good.
I hope that I can continue this in the friendships I have with others. I am going to see Ashley this friday, and anticipate sharing my feelings with her. The baby shower is this weekend and I am looking forward to seeing everyone then too.
Opening up has taken me to a good place. It has gotten things off my chest, and allowed me to look deeper into myself. It has lead me to a lot of realizations. I have taken those realizations to heart and made plans on improvement. The big one I came to today is that I really fell back after Amy. I put up walls, told everyone I was ok. I carried on with life pretending that I was ok. That could have been far from the truth. It really hurt when we broke up. I handled things poorly and went back to 25 year old me. Drinking often and heavily and entering meaning less relationships with multiple women. Thus far I am forgiving myself and working on improvement.
The big thing in letting go I have noticed is that I treat my co-workers better. I want to be around them, give them solutions and positive feedback. Before I just showed up fixed the problem and walked away to hide in my office and go back to nothing. I have brought back my to do list, and keep an empty whiteboard for the requests that come up. In that regard I'm taking control of things and it feels good.
I hope that I can continue this in the friendships I have with others. I am going to see Ashley this friday, and anticipate sharing my feelings with her. The baby shower is this weekend and I am looking forward to seeing everyone then too.