A change, or redirection
I don't know how to start. I've just got ideas rolling around in my head.... This graphic is perfect for this post. I tend to always feel like the statue.
One of my greatest fears in life is being a failure. Don't ask me to define that, part of the problem is that the definition might (OK probably DOES) change all the time.
Lately, especially as we've been looking to buy a home, this fear has reared it's ugly head. I'm worried about paying for it: I'm reminded that I don't make great $$. We see things need need some TLC (Read major overhaul, lol) and I worry if I'll be able to fix that. I worry about getting all of the "stuff" done: paperwork here and this signed... And not leave it all to Jessica.
The bad part about this is that when I feel like that it's makes me frustrated and angry. I get short tempered about things. I get more easily frustrated byt other things. It's a bad response to stress.
(Just to clarify I didn't hit anyone or anything like that, I'm just less or nearly in-tolerant of normal goofy kid-ness, or frustrations that come up. I bitch and moan.... I'm quiet, I'm noisy, I'm sad, I'm mad... Who knows whats next?)
My Brother called me yesterday to say "Hi". He's a Federal Govt. employee serving abroad for a year or so. We chatted for a few minutes. He said that it could always be worse, at least noone shot at you today !
The sick irony in all of this is that by being short tempered and frustrated, I AM failing. I am failing as a father. I am failing as a husband. I'm wearing my wife's epicly huge positive-ness down. She's afraid of my reaction to things. I'm not being a good partner and helper to her. This suck-eth majorly!
That ends now! I will remember what is important. I will be the fun, nice person I can be. I will laugh. I will play Wii with the kids. I will not get steamrollered by life and it's non-perfectness. No more feeling like the statue and no more being the pigeon to my loving little family! Remember, silly-head, noone shot at you today !
Jessica, my perfect wife and the best mama of all time: I LOVE YOU !!! I'm sorry for the hurt feelings I've caused. I WILL do better.
One of my greatest fears in life is being a failure. Don't ask me to define that, part of the problem is that the definition might (OK probably DOES) change all the time.
Lately, especially as we've been looking to buy a home, this fear has reared it's ugly head. I'm worried about paying for it: I'm reminded that I don't make great $$. We see things need need some TLC (Read major overhaul, lol) and I worry if I'll be able to fix that. I worry about getting all of the "stuff" done: paperwork here and this signed... And not leave it all to Jessica.
The bad part about this is that when I feel like that it's makes me frustrated and angry. I get short tempered about things. I get more easily frustrated byt other things. It's a bad response to stress.
(Just to clarify I didn't hit anyone or anything like that, I'm just less or nearly in-tolerant of normal goofy kid-ness, or frustrations that come up. I bitch and moan.... I'm quiet, I'm noisy, I'm sad, I'm mad... Who knows whats next?)
My Brother called me yesterday to say "Hi". He's a Federal Govt. employee serving abroad for a year or so. We chatted for a few minutes. He said that it could always be worse, at least noone shot at you today !
The sick irony in all of this is that by being short tempered and frustrated, I AM failing. I am failing as a father. I am failing as a husband. I'm wearing my wife's epicly huge positive-ness down. She's afraid of my reaction to things. I'm not being a good partner and helper to her. This suck-eth majorly!
That ends now! I will remember what is important. I will be the fun, nice person I can be. I will laugh. I will play Wii with the kids. I will not get steamrollered by life and it's non-perfectness. No more feeling like the statue and no more being the pigeon to my loving little family! Remember, silly-head, noone shot at you today !
Jessica, my perfect wife and the best mama of all time: I LOVE YOU !!! I'm sorry for the hurt feelings I've caused. I WILL do better.