Great Moments With Mr. Lincoln
This one might not post correctly...but we'll see.
INT. LINCOLN HALL AFTERNOON
The lights go up on the stage of the theater. ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN is sitting centerstage.
ANNOUNCER
Good afternoon and welcome to Disney's Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln.
Animatronic Lincoln stands up. He addresses the audience.
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I am former United States President Abraham K Lincoln. Maybe youve heard of me. I was president during a a very tumulutous time in my nations history. A time that has come to be called, the Civil War.
(laughs)
Although in hindsight I dont know how much of it was civil.
(long beat)
I made a speech once. It started with Four score and seven years ago our fathers la-dee-dee-dah-all the live long day. Everyone knows that part. Bo-ring.
(long pause)
My wife committed suicide. Weird.
(pause)
That was years after I took a bullet for the register. Want to see the hole? Its fun at partys. A wide-mouth Mickeys will fit in it.
(long pause)
I only wore that hat as a goof.
(addresses a specific audience member)
Whats your name?
(he pauses long enough for an answer)
Excuse me?
(short pause)
Hah! I cant hear you. Im animatronic. Sucker.
ANIMATRONIC JEFFERSON DAVIS bursts out from backstage. He is dressed in womans clothes.
ANIMATRONIC JEFFERSON DAVIS
Ill show you animatronic Yankee!
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
Animatronic Jefferson Davis! You scallywag!
The two animatronics begin to battle. Since they are animatronic the fight is slow like a Japanese monster battle. Just as Davis gets the upper hand, a laser blast from offstage hits him in the back. He falls to the ground, vanquished.
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
Who do I owe my mechanical life?
FUTURE HOWARD TAFT (William Howard Taft wearing sci-fi gear) steps onto the stage. He also moves like an animatronic. So much so that it looks as though he is dancing the robot.
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
Its Howard Taft! The last fat president!
FUTURE HOWARD TAFT
Correction. Im Future Howard Taft. Im Taft of the future.
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
But youre still fat right? Even in the future?
FUTURE HOWARD TAFT
Oh for sure!
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
Thanks for the save.
FUTURE HOWARD TAFT
No prob. Im glad I could get you out of that sitch.
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
Tell us about yourself.
FUTURE HOWARD TAFT
In the past I suffered one of the greatest poltical defeats ever when I only took two states and lost the election to Woodrow Wilson who had twice been convicted of murder... but in the future I am a tugboast captain of the S.S. Funshine.
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
Toot. Toot.
FUTURE HOWARD TAFT
Toot. Toot.
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
Toot. Toot.
FUTURE HOWARD TAFT
Well, I better go. Im due back in the future.
FUTURE HOWARD TAFT goes to leave.
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
But wait! Whats the future like Future Howard Taft?
FUTURE HOWARD TAFT
Youll know soon enough. Time keeps on tickin tickin tickin into the future.
Future Howard Taft leaves.
ANIMATRONIC LINCOLN
Well, that happened.
Animatronic Lincoln sits back down in his chair.
The stage lights do down.
ANNOUNCER
This has been Great Moments with Mr. Lincoln. Please exit to your left.
The audience lights go up. A family stands up and begins to exit.
SON
Who was that guy in the dress?
DAD
Jefferson Davis.
DAUGHTER
Who was Jefferson Davis?
DAD
He was a president. I think.
SON
Whats a president?
DAUGHTER
I liked it when the tall robot fought the girl robot.
The family exits.
The end.