Bitch, bitch, bitch...
This is possibly the first in a series of posts regarding the ever-growing list of (mostly linguistic) things that piss me off; I'm thinking some sort of official record in the form of an actual list would be helpful. The idea is stolen from -- no, let's say "inspired by" instead, as it sounds more respectable -- both a few select passages in George Carlin's various books and by the most recent Foamy rant at Ill Will Press.
Things That Need to Stop RIGHT DAMN NOW, volume 1
1. First, let's get something straight here: Yes, the word "itch" is in fact a verb. But it is not something someone can do actively. It's not an action you perform; it's the experiencing of a sensation -- that sensation also being referred to as an "itch." But if you're engaged in some act as a result of your itching, then most likely that act is referred to as "scratching." Stop using phrases like "itching myself," you sound like a damn moron.
Also, if something, say, the tag of a shirt for instance, is causing you to itch, it is not "itching" you. It is causing you to itch (and possibly to scratch that itch). The tag, having no nerve endings, is incapable of itching.
2. This one only comes up in a fairly uncommon situation, but it comes up every damn time I find myself engaged in or in any other way near that situation (watching a movie, for instance), and it pisses me off every time: If you're playing blackjack, and you're opting not to receive any more cards this hand, you have chosen to "stand." Say it out loud: "Stand." Not "stay." The word "stay" has no meaning within the rules of the game of blackjack; all it means if you've decided to stay is that you're not leaving the table to go somewhere else:
"Would you like to go over to the craps tables instead?"
"No thanks, I'm enjoying blackjack, I think I'll stay. Oh, and since my cards add up to 21, I'm going to stand."
Also, the game is called "blackjack," not "21." While technically not incorrect, calling the game "21" makes you sound like a rube. Stop it.
3. If you're over the age of five, stop saying "hoodie." It is a "hooded sweatshirt." Calling it a "hoodie" makes you sound simple, as if the word "sweatshirt" is beyond your current verbal capabilities, but as soon as you've mastered shapes and colors and what sound a duck makes, you'll start working on developing advanced speech.
And on the subject of pullovers, I think it's time we got back to the good old days when people acknowledged the difference between a sweatshirt and a sweater. A sweater is knitted and generally made of wool or acrylic fibers, and it typically has a very open weave to the knit (in other words, fairly large holes in between the fibers that make up the sweater). A sweatshirt, while technically a "knit," is often made of cotton or a cotton/poly blend, and usually the knit is no more open than the average t-shirt (so basically, while there are spaces between the fibers, they're small enough that they're not even visible unless you look reeeally closely). Also, it tends to have a very specific style of cuff, and may (or may not) include pockets, a hood, or a zipper. I know I'm making it sound complicated, but dammit, these things are different. The easiest rule of thumb (aside from actually learning the fucking difference and applying that knowledge when speaking) is that if the garment could have something screen-printed on it (whether it actually has any decoration or not), it's a sweatshirt. If it couldn't, it's a sweater. And that fleece pullover of yours? It's neither; it's a fleece pullover.
4. Similarly, a binder and a folder are different. A binder is called a "binder" specifically because it binds things. So goddammit, stop calling your binder a "folder." A folder is a folded sheet of paper or cardstock which assists in the gathering or storage of papers without actually binding anything; often it just wraps around the pages (like a manila file folder), sometimes it has pockets (and can be referred to as a "portfolio," but is still also a folder). A binder, however, is not a folder. It is a binder.
This is actually pretty therapeutic for me; I think I'll make it a fairly regular thing.
Things That Need to Stop RIGHT DAMN NOW, volume 1
1. First, let's get something straight here: Yes, the word "itch" is in fact a verb. But it is not something someone can do actively. It's not an action you perform; it's the experiencing of a sensation -- that sensation also being referred to as an "itch." But if you're engaged in some act as a result of your itching, then most likely that act is referred to as "scratching." Stop using phrases like "itching myself," you sound like a damn moron.
Also, if something, say, the tag of a shirt for instance, is causing you to itch, it is not "itching" you. It is causing you to itch (and possibly to scratch that itch). The tag, having no nerve endings, is incapable of itching.
2. This one only comes up in a fairly uncommon situation, but it comes up every damn time I find myself engaged in or in any other way near that situation (watching a movie, for instance), and it pisses me off every time: If you're playing blackjack, and you're opting not to receive any more cards this hand, you have chosen to "stand." Say it out loud: "Stand." Not "stay." The word "stay" has no meaning within the rules of the game of blackjack; all it means if you've decided to stay is that you're not leaving the table to go somewhere else:
"Would you like to go over to the craps tables instead?"
"No thanks, I'm enjoying blackjack, I think I'll stay. Oh, and since my cards add up to 21, I'm going to stand."
Also, the game is called "blackjack," not "21." While technically not incorrect, calling the game "21" makes you sound like a rube. Stop it.
3. If you're over the age of five, stop saying "hoodie." It is a "hooded sweatshirt." Calling it a "hoodie" makes you sound simple, as if the word "sweatshirt" is beyond your current verbal capabilities, but as soon as you've mastered shapes and colors and what sound a duck makes, you'll start working on developing advanced speech.
And on the subject of pullovers, I think it's time we got back to the good old days when people acknowledged the difference between a sweatshirt and a sweater. A sweater is knitted and generally made of wool or acrylic fibers, and it typically has a very open weave to the knit (in other words, fairly large holes in between the fibers that make up the sweater). A sweatshirt, while technically a "knit," is often made of cotton or a cotton/poly blend, and usually the knit is no more open than the average t-shirt (so basically, while there are spaces between the fibers, they're small enough that they're not even visible unless you look reeeally closely). Also, it tends to have a very specific style of cuff, and may (or may not) include pockets, a hood, or a zipper. I know I'm making it sound complicated, but dammit, these things are different. The easiest rule of thumb (aside from actually learning the fucking difference and applying that knowledge when speaking) is that if the garment could have something screen-printed on it (whether it actually has any decoration or not), it's a sweatshirt. If it couldn't, it's a sweater. And that fleece pullover of yours? It's neither; it's a fleece pullover.
4. Similarly, a binder and a folder are different. A binder is called a "binder" specifically because it binds things. So goddammit, stop calling your binder a "folder." A folder is a folded sheet of paper or cardstock which assists in the gathering or storage of papers without actually binding anything; often it just wraps around the pages (like a manila file folder), sometimes it has pockets (and can be referred to as a "portfolio," but is still also a folder). A binder, however, is not a folder. It is a binder.
This is actually pretty therapeutic for me; I think I'll make it a fairly regular thing.