Well, I'm back.
Initially upon reading this, you'll probably go "Where the hell have you been?" so I thought I'd start off with an apology to Merry, and Nienor and anyone else who might have worried over me. It started off like this...
I was at Gamgee Hall with Merry -- it was our first night there together... and I went out for a walk alone. Bad mistake, I suppose. It was a lovely night and despite my depression troubles I was feeling pretty good. That was when I heard these voices and saw these... silvery shapes. Being a curious guy by nature I followed. I was unarmed, in my pajamas. I didn't even have my laptop with me (a fact I regretted for a long time after). I approached at last the silvery lights, which turned out to be what I later identified as Barrow Wrights. That is, apparently ghosts of undead kings. I wasn't really scared, until they grabbed me and tied me up and dragged me off to what I later discovered was the Barrow Downs.
Now, the Barrow Wrights have got to be the last dead kings that actually stayed dead. I have a theory that the only reason this is true is because they don't have any form of internet down there. So there I was, tied up naked (um, no comment), in the tomb of some dead kings and with no laptop to call for help. So for five days they kept me down there without food and with only a little water. I won't go into the tortures I endured. On the fifth day, knowing I was going to die if I didn't do something, I bean to sing. I don't remember if it was I Wanna Be Like Harry Potter or Getting Trashed, Smashed, Hashed (With Chomsky) but after a few renditions, they untied me so they could hear me better.
I was weak, so I sang, and then I finally got food. Won't say what. Still, I couldn't escape. These ghosts were evil and my charms didn't work on them. So I was stuck entertaining them for almost a month. At one point I transformed (how I have no clue) into Carrie Fisher, circa Princess Leia, and they put me in a metal bikini and chained me to the bed post of their dead king lord, whom they called Bubba the Glut. Bubba liked to eat, a lot, even though he was a ghost, and he apparently liked petting my hair and, well, doing things to me that I won't even put in strikeout.
This lasted several gruelsome days, until one night one of the Wrights, we'll call him Fran, decided he um, was in love with me (I was female at the time, mind you). I thought I was going to get killed in the skirmish that insued, because Fran killed Bubba, along without about four of the other wrights [ghosts killing ghosts is a horrirble thing, I made a movie about it once, called the Frighteners.. it sort of bombed, but, um, nevermind) and seemed to have no regard for injuring me. Anyway, in the skirmish I found my chains had been broke and I was FREE! In a metal bikini, but FREE! But Fran was chasing me!
Then things sort of changed and Fran began to resemble a Pac Man ghost. It took a while longer but as Fran ate all the dots in sight I realized I had become... well I don't know how to put this in terms you'd understand or even believe, but, well, I'd become animated. Not just animated, but I basically turned into Fred, from Scooby Doo. Orange scarf and all (which I admit was an improvement over the metal bikini). Anyway. I'm sure by now you all think this is a big elaborate bullshit rouse, but it's true dammit. I dunnow how I turned animated, but I did dammit! It happened! And I grabbed Fran-come-Pac-Man-Ghost's head and pulled it off to reveal that it was really old Mayor Will Whitfoot, dead these last long years. He was all 'damn you crazy kid, if it hadn't been for you and your metal-y bikini I would have gotten away with it too!'... whatever. So I beaned him over the head with a treebranch and tied his eyes closed with my scarf and ran off.
Fortunately as a cartoon I didn't need to eat or drink much of anything (in fact the water tended to make my sleeves run into my hands and make a big beige mess -_-). Still, I was utterly lost and still laptopless. I dropped out of Fred guise a few days later, unbeknowst to me, and I started getting hungry and thirsty. That's when I realized I was me again. And I had to get help and fast. I was trying to get to the Shire again, but apparently I was heading in the wrong direction, because I found these giant troll statues and lo and behold they all had giant laptops!! I was so excitied! I immediately tried one. But it was frozen stiff! In fact, it had been turned into STONE. All three were like that. So, dejected, I sat around and sighed a lot. For about two days, in fact, which brings us to the present.
I was starving. I figured I was going to die. I figured, if I was gonna die, I'd best at least die in a hole. So I decided to dig my own grave. Got about six feet done and fell in exhausted.
Okay. So what happened next I can't really explain, but, like... okay, there was a laptop there. And internet access. Just, like, sitting there, in the hole I'd just dug. I know. Crazy. Don't believe me if you don't want, but it's true. I'm sitting in the hole now writing this. @_@ So I got online and this first thing I did was order a Mordor Express pizza. @_@ They delivered it promptly and I ate the whole thing. Then I thought I'd better type this. Soon as I'm done I'm going to download a map of the Shire or whatever and figure out where the hell I am.
And no, there's no way I'm scrolling back over my friends page 1000+ posts. So. Consider me out of the loop, did I miss anything important while I was, um, gone?
I was at Gamgee Hall with Merry -- it was our first night there together... and I went out for a walk alone. Bad mistake, I suppose. It was a lovely night and despite my depression troubles I was feeling pretty good. That was when I heard these voices and saw these... silvery shapes. Being a curious guy by nature I followed. I was unarmed, in my pajamas. I didn't even have my laptop with me (a fact I regretted for a long time after). I approached at last the silvery lights, which turned out to be what I later identified as Barrow Wrights. That is, apparently ghosts of undead kings. I wasn't really scared, until they grabbed me and tied me up and dragged me off to what I later discovered was the Barrow Downs.
Now, the Barrow Wrights have got to be the last dead kings that actually stayed dead. I have a theory that the only reason this is true is because they don't have any form of internet down there. So there I was, tied up naked (um, no comment), in the tomb of some dead kings and with no laptop to call for help. So for five days they kept me down there without food and with only a little water. I won't go into the tortures I endured. On the fifth day, knowing I was going to die if I didn't do something, I bean to sing. I don't remember if it was I Wanna Be Like Harry Potter or Getting Trashed, Smashed, Hashed (With Chomsky) but after a few renditions, they untied me so they could hear me better.
I was weak, so I sang, and then I finally got food. Won't say what. Still, I couldn't escape. These ghosts were evil and my charms didn't work on them. So I was stuck entertaining them for almost a month. At one point I transformed (how I have no clue) into Carrie Fisher, circa Princess Leia, and they put me in a metal bikini and chained me to the bed post of their dead king lord, whom they called Bubba the Glut. Bubba liked to eat, a lot, even though he was a ghost, and he apparently liked petting my hair and, well, doing things to me that I won't even put in strikeout.
This lasted several gruelsome days, until one night one of the Wrights, we'll call him Fran, decided he um, was in love with me (I was female at the time, mind you). I thought I was going to get killed in the skirmish that insued, because Fran killed Bubba, along without about four of the other wrights [ghosts killing ghosts is a horrirble thing, I made a movie about it once, called the Frighteners.. it sort of bombed, but, um, nevermind) and seemed to have no regard for injuring me. Anyway, in the skirmish I found my chains had been broke and I was FREE! In a metal bikini, but FREE! But Fran was chasing me!
Then things sort of changed and Fran began to resemble a Pac Man ghost. It took a while longer but as Fran ate all the dots in sight I realized I had become... well I don't know how to put this in terms you'd understand or even believe, but, well, I'd become animated. Not just animated, but I basically turned into Fred, from Scooby Doo. Orange scarf and all (which I admit was an improvement over the metal bikini). Anyway. I'm sure by now you all think this is a big elaborate bullshit rouse, but it's true dammit. I dunnow how I turned animated, but I did dammit! It happened! And I grabbed Fran-come-Pac-Man-Ghost's head and pulled it off to reveal that it was really old Mayor Will Whitfoot, dead these last long years. He was all 'damn you crazy kid, if it hadn't been for you and your metal-y bikini I would have gotten away with it too!'... whatever. So I beaned him over the head with a treebranch and tied his eyes closed with my scarf and ran off.
Fortunately as a cartoon I didn't need to eat or drink much of anything (in fact the water tended to make my sleeves run into my hands and make a big beige mess -_-). Still, I was utterly lost and still laptopless. I dropped out of Fred guise a few days later, unbeknowst to me, and I started getting hungry and thirsty. That's when I realized I was me again. And I had to get help and fast. I was trying to get to the Shire again, but apparently I was heading in the wrong direction, because I found these giant troll statues and lo and behold they all had giant laptops!! I was so excitied! I immediately tried one. But it was frozen stiff! In fact, it had been turned into STONE. All three were like that. So, dejected, I sat around and sighed a lot. For about two days, in fact, which brings us to the present.
I was starving. I figured I was going to die. I figured, if I was gonna die, I'd best at least die in a hole. So I decided to dig my own grave. Got about six feet done and fell in exhausted.
Okay. So what happened next I can't really explain, but, like... okay, there was a laptop there. And internet access. Just, like, sitting there, in the hole I'd just dug. I know. Crazy. Don't believe me if you don't want, but it's true. I'm sitting in the hole now writing this. @_@ So I got online and this first thing I did was order a Mordor Express pizza. @_@ They delivered it promptly and I ate the whole thing. Then I thought I'd better type this. Soon as I'm done I'm going to download a map of the Shire or whatever and figure out where the hell I am.
And no, there's no way I'm scrolling back over my friends page 1000+ posts. So. Consider me out of the loop, did I miss anything important while I was, um, gone?