could time move any quicker?
i feel like the first few weeks of school werent that long ago and already winter break is coming up. everything is still so new here and constantly changing that ive barely just begun to get my bearings. reading the last entry i posted is kind of funny, because all the things i thought i was sure about have changed so much. 1st. things ended with steve and i immediately after writing the entry haha. i remember feeling soooo shitty, but in all honesty, it wasn't a bad break up. he's more into going out at every opportunity and finding guys to go home with. im not. he's still my best friend here, and we get a long really well and i know if i ever want a fun night out i can go with him. now that the initial "bahomgimincollegeandneednewfriendsstage" is over ive drifted apart from some of my closer friends and found new ones. ive also realized i dont have too many friends here hahaha. steve (aforementioned) and ted are my main gays, marianne is a little crazier than i thought.
THE absolute most important thing that's happened to me though is Brandon. we've been dating for two months and i can honestly say i love him. ive never said that to anyone before and i've never felt this way about anyone before so i think that i really do. everything between us has been going pefectly and it's making me extremely happy. not in a giddy schoolgirl kind of way either, just in a really fulfilling kind of way. were on the same page on so many levels that its just made everthing come so easily. he is also extremely handsome/cute/hot/whateveryouwanttocallit he is it.
it makes everything that much better.
an important lesson i learned from steve and probably any other halfhearted attempt at a relationship or hookup or whatever in my life is to no longer compromise. not myself, and not on the behalf of others. if it's not exactly what you want don't settle for it. i've compromised by hooking up with boys im not really attracted to and tried to convince myself i was. ive compromised by having relationships with boys who i know im not compatible with and never really liked that way. ive also compromised by hooking up with boys who i cant have relationships with just because i thought it would be fulfilling. all of it has pretty much made me feel a little bit like shit everytime but i always ended up pretending it made me happy.
anyway, back on subject.... im not compromising anything with brandon, and i feel like a better person with him and that's part of the reason why i love him. i spend most of my time now cooking frozen dinners and playing videogames and boardgames and having lots of sex and occasionally going out. i have accumulated a LOT of good stories here. clubbing until sunrise, drinking until i wake up with mysterious knee injuries, walking 5 miles home from a party 1 mile from campus, getting crunk with people from realworld, enbarrassing first dates, winning 1st place at lesbian bowling night, karaoke on SoBe, holding pythons, cooking my first thanksgiving turkey with brandon, and bunches of other things that i never would have seen myself doing. it probably seems like i drink a lot here which is weird because at home i never drank before i graduated. ive found a balance though. i definitely cut loose as most freshmen are prone to, but when i drink now it is almost always in moderation, and usually only once a week, if at all.
i've actually matured here a lot more than i ever intended to. i know what i want in life and im chasing after it. i still enjoy everything here in miami and i couldnt imagine being anywhere else and im really focusing on my school work and am really excited for my career after college. in all likelihood ill stay during the summer with an internship, im also driving my car down after winter break. i know it seems premature but i know brandon and i are really committed to eachother and i have lots of things to do and friends to see and more and more it's feeling like home to me. i feel like ive barely touched on whats been happening here but i've written more than enough for now. i am really excited to see everyone over winter break and catch up on our lives. i know ive done a shitty job keeping in touch with most people, but there are definitely a handful of people back home i know i'll always care about.
THE absolute most important thing that's happened to me though is Brandon. we've been dating for two months and i can honestly say i love him. ive never said that to anyone before and i've never felt this way about anyone before so i think that i really do. everything between us has been going pefectly and it's making me extremely happy. not in a giddy schoolgirl kind of way either, just in a really fulfilling kind of way. were on the same page on so many levels that its just made everthing come so easily. he is also extremely handsome/cute/hot/whateveryouwanttocallit he is it.
it makes everything that much better.
an important lesson i learned from steve and probably any other halfhearted attempt at a relationship or hookup or whatever in my life is to no longer compromise. not myself, and not on the behalf of others. if it's not exactly what you want don't settle for it. i've compromised by hooking up with boys im not really attracted to and tried to convince myself i was. ive compromised by having relationships with boys who i know im not compatible with and never really liked that way. ive also compromised by hooking up with boys who i cant have relationships with just because i thought it would be fulfilling. all of it has pretty much made me feel a little bit like shit everytime but i always ended up pretending it made me happy.
anyway, back on subject.... im not compromising anything with brandon, and i feel like a better person with him and that's part of the reason why i love him. i spend most of my time now cooking frozen dinners and playing videogames and boardgames and having lots of sex and occasionally going out. i have accumulated a LOT of good stories here. clubbing until sunrise, drinking until i wake up with mysterious knee injuries, walking 5 miles home from a party 1 mile from campus, getting crunk with people from realworld, enbarrassing first dates, winning 1st place at lesbian bowling night, karaoke on SoBe, holding pythons, cooking my first thanksgiving turkey with brandon, and bunches of other things that i never would have seen myself doing. it probably seems like i drink a lot here which is weird because at home i never drank before i graduated. ive found a balance though. i definitely cut loose as most freshmen are prone to, but when i drink now it is almost always in moderation, and usually only once a week, if at all.
i've actually matured here a lot more than i ever intended to. i know what i want in life and im chasing after it. i still enjoy everything here in miami and i couldnt imagine being anywhere else and im really focusing on my school work and am really excited for my career after college. in all likelihood ill stay during the summer with an internship, im also driving my car down after winter break. i know it seems premature but i know brandon and i are really committed to eachother and i have lots of things to do and friends to see and more and more it's feeling like home to me. i feel like ive barely touched on whats been happening here but i've written more than enough for now. i am really excited to see everyone over winter break and catch up on our lives. i know ive done a shitty job keeping in touch with most people, but there are definitely a handful of people back home i know i'll always care about.