Wrath (Mike)
As I procrastinated this afternoon, I learned the terrible news that much of the Lesterville, Missouri area had been inundated after a breach in a local reservoir flooded the town with 1.5 billion gallons of water from the Black River. Local rescue teams have evacuated many families, and it's thought that thousands of residents may have lost their homes, cars, and livelihoods. Events like this are so sad and we at The Expatriate Journal send our prayers and thoughts to these poor people. At times like this, I find myself asking the same question...
What did these people do to make God so angry?
After all, in recent months, we've heard conservative pundits argue that God's wrath has become apparent across this country. The Reverends Pat Robertson, James Dobson, and Jerry Falwell and new media darling Mike Gallagher have all mused about this possibility. People, look at who has been most affected by His awesome might. New Orleans has been a den of sin and vice for more than a century, largely due to the leftover influence of the godless French who founded the city. Even though those frogs have moved back across the pond (except for those rascally Quebequois; I have my eye on you, Canada), their liberal, namby-pamby, hedonist, God-hating ideologies remained, creating a mass as inescapable as Louisiana mud in March. Katrina taught them a valuable lesson in God-fearing. And Key West's role in our national decadence is well-documented. Rum and breasts flow freely in South Florida, after all. And don't think that being so close to Castro's Commy-Death Trap of Perpetual Pinko Torment (Cuba) hasn't rubbed off on them. Likewise, the debauchery of Houston's World Series celebration, combined with the presence of corporate evil-doers such as Haliburton and Conoco Oil angered our Lord. These cities both drew Rita's fury as punishment for their wicked ways.
And I know what you were doing down there in Guatemala, Wilma survivors. Next time, you will think twice before allowing Survivor to film in your jungles.
Of course, we cannot forget how Our Lord struck down individual enemies this year. William Rehnquist is dead. Sandra Day O'Connor is resigning. Bless you, God, for striking down those who would oppose your strict constructionist agenda. Richard Pryor's hate-filled rhetoric has been eradicated from our world. Now, no one will every have to hear the word "nigger" again. Liberal hero of the 1960s, Eugene McCarthy finally got his, too. Succumbing to Parkinson's Disease for his audacity in criticizing the Vietnam War, and undermining our troops abroad. Within 40 years, our current politicians will too feel the Lord's power. Do you hear me, Howard Dean? You're on His list now.
And so, I cannot help but wonder what Lesterville did. Were gay men allowed to openly frolick on their streets? Could their local Wal-Mart be waging its war on Christmas, flaunting its intolerance of Christianity by daring to wish customers "Happy Holidays?" Did an activist judge or commy college professor denounce Intelligent Design as having no place in a high school science course? When the waters recede, we must conduct a full investigation. In examining the smallest sins of this small Missouri communitiy, I only pray that we can find a way to avoid the Lord's wrath next time.
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I too saw Harry Potter and enjoyed it. While their ommission of Hermione's crusade to free the house elves didn't bother me (and, hey, way to go J.K. Rowling for taking that brave, hardline stance against slavery), the ommission of the Ministry of Magic intrigue seemed to be a terrible mistake. In the book, Cornelius Fudge is exposed as a grand politicial who is willing to ignore evidence that Voldemort has returned. Certainly there are no parallels for this in modern life that would have made this a controversial inclusion, are there? Either way, another thing that bothered me was that Voldmort immediately understood why his spell backfired. Isn't the entire point supposed to be that Voldemort can't comprehend how he and Harry are opposite sides of the same coin and can't figure out how to hurt him? I still liked it, and would give it a +3, but I wonder what the implications are for the rest of the Potter movies as the books just get longer and longer and more subplots are truncated or omitted.
Anyway, in true Robertson style, I do pray that the new Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) kicks the bucket as his predecessor (the wonderful and incomperable Richard Harris) did. Gambon has never read any of the Potter books and it shows. His Dumbledore alternates between bellowing anger and senile mumbling, and never once appears to be the wise, constantly in control, and self-aware paragon of wizzardry that he is supposed to be. This role screams out for recasting.
What did these people do to make God so angry?
After all, in recent months, we've heard conservative pundits argue that God's wrath has become apparent across this country. The Reverends Pat Robertson, James Dobson, and Jerry Falwell and new media darling Mike Gallagher have all mused about this possibility. People, look at who has been most affected by His awesome might. New Orleans has been a den of sin and vice for more than a century, largely due to the leftover influence of the godless French who founded the city. Even though those frogs have moved back across the pond (except for those rascally Quebequois; I have my eye on you, Canada), their liberal, namby-pamby, hedonist, God-hating ideologies remained, creating a mass as inescapable as Louisiana mud in March. Katrina taught them a valuable lesson in God-fearing. And Key West's role in our national decadence is well-documented. Rum and breasts flow freely in South Florida, after all. And don't think that being so close to Castro's Commy-Death Trap of Perpetual Pinko Torment (Cuba) hasn't rubbed off on them. Likewise, the debauchery of Houston's World Series celebration, combined with the presence of corporate evil-doers such as Haliburton and Conoco Oil angered our Lord. These cities both drew Rita's fury as punishment for their wicked ways.
And I know what you were doing down there in Guatemala, Wilma survivors. Next time, you will think twice before allowing Survivor to film in your jungles.
Of course, we cannot forget how Our Lord struck down individual enemies this year. William Rehnquist is dead. Sandra Day O'Connor is resigning. Bless you, God, for striking down those who would oppose your strict constructionist agenda. Richard Pryor's hate-filled rhetoric has been eradicated from our world. Now, no one will every have to hear the word "nigger" again. Liberal hero of the 1960s, Eugene McCarthy finally got his, too. Succumbing to Parkinson's Disease for his audacity in criticizing the Vietnam War, and undermining our troops abroad. Within 40 years, our current politicians will too feel the Lord's power. Do you hear me, Howard Dean? You're on His list now.
And so, I cannot help but wonder what Lesterville did. Were gay men allowed to openly frolick on their streets? Could their local Wal-Mart be waging its war on Christmas, flaunting its intolerance of Christianity by daring to wish customers "Happy Holidays?" Did an activist judge or commy college professor denounce Intelligent Design as having no place in a high school science course? When the waters recede, we must conduct a full investigation. In examining the smallest sins of this small Missouri communitiy, I only pray that we can find a way to avoid the Lord's wrath next time.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I too saw Harry Potter and enjoyed it. While their ommission of Hermione's crusade to free the house elves didn't bother me (and, hey, way to go J.K. Rowling for taking that brave, hardline stance against slavery), the ommission of the Ministry of Magic intrigue seemed to be a terrible mistake. In the book, Cornelius Fudge is exposed as a grand politicial who is willing to ignore evidence that Voldemort has returned. Certainly there are no parallels for this in modern life that would have made this a controversial inclusion, are there? Either way, another thing that bothered me was that Voldmort immediately understood why his spell backfired. Isn't the entire point supposed to be that Voldemort can't comprehend how he and Harry are opposite sides of the same coin and can't figure out how to hurt him? I still liked it, and would give it a +3, but I wonder what the implications are for the rest of the Potter movies as the books just get longer and longer and more subplots are truncated or omitted.
Anyway, in true Robertson style, I do pray that the new Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) kicks the bucket as his predecessor (the wonderful and incomperable Richard Harris) did. Gambon has never read any of the Potter books and it shows. His Dumbledore alternates between bellowing anger and senile mumbling, and never once appears to be the wise, constantly in control, and self-aware paragon of wizzardry that he is supposed to be. This role screams out for recasting.