Stunned Silence
I know it's been a long time since I wrote anything. I feel like I've ruined this semester by not recording any of my experiences, thoughts or feelings. However, if there was ever a time that I needed to write, this is it.
This has, hands down, been the single longest week of my life. It's not even over yet.
I'm talking from last Saturday to this Saturday. Shall we begin at the beginning?
Last Saturday was spent in the scourge of the planet. Clemson, South Carolina. Where I watched the best football game of the year, bar none. When everything seemed lost and impossible the Gamecocks came back, and finally, it was someone else who shot themselves in the foot and not us. Not to say that we didn't deserve to win that game, because we had spent the whole game shooting ourselves in the foot. I'm just saying, it's about time we got a break.
It came agains the perfect opponent as well.
Sunday, was uneventful as far as I can remember it. There was a lot of work. That's the thing that has really killed me this week. The work, I think that I could handle everything else if it wasn't for the work. Papers and papers, articles for the Gamecock and more. I'm so overworked these last couple of days I can't even tell you.
Monday was much of the same, a day full of class and work. Finishing things that I had left undone for the longest time and preparing for what was ahead in the week. Little did I know what was about to befall me.
On Tuesday everything went haywire. I found myself in the arms of a girl that is unlike any I've ever, ever known. I found myself saying things that I no doubt mean, but are trouble now. Every second that I spend with this girl I feel like I'm learning new things about how to care about someone, what true feeling really is and what I should be measuring all of my other relationships up to. She is beautiful inside and out and every time she talks to me I feel like God himself is giving me a pat on the back.
I meant the things I said, I will never deny that. I've re-learned what those things are and what they mean. Slowly I realized that I might have said them at the wrong time though. There were still things to be cleared up and if those things did not clear up, this would all only end up hurting her more.
Wednesday night, I made those second thoughts known. I explained to Kendall that our future together hinges on our shared or, at this point, not shared beliefs. It hurt like hell and I'll be honest it's the hardest thing that I've ever done. To look her right in the eyes and explain to her that her background and everything that she was raised in might be keeping us from being together. Wow... it's not good.
Even now I can't believe that I did it. I can't believe that I took something that in so many ways was so right and so good and I just tore it up. I suppose there is only one thing that I can do now, that is pray and leave it in His hands. That's a shame because me and Him haven't been talking all that much as of late and a big part of me feels like He is in no mood to listen to my whining now.
Thursday was much of the same and I'm not sure where this is all going to take us. I'm not sure if this means a change in the next couple of weeks or if this means a change sometime in the next month or so. I'm nervous as anything and I kinda just wish this was all over with.
If you don't mind, a little prayer for serenity and peace of mind would be much appreciated. I'm exhausted physically and emotionally. I'm slipping right now and everything that I reach to hold on to just begins to fall with me. I need help. This is going to be a long road either way, that's the only thing I can be sure of.
23 days till I picture you face, in the back of my eyes, it's a fire in the attic and a proof of prize
This has, hands down, been the single longest week of my life. It's not even over yet.
I'm talking from last Saturday to this Saturday. Shall we begin at the beginning?
Last Saturday was spent in the scourge of the planet. Clemson, South Carolina. Where I watched the best football game of the year, bar none. When everything seemed lost and impossible the Gamecocks came back, and finally, it was someone else who shot themselves in the foot and not us. Not to say that we didn't deserve to win that game, because we had spent the whole game shooting ourselves in the foot. I'm just saying, it's about time we got a break.
It came agains the perfect opponent as well.
Sunday, was uneventful as far as I can remember it. There was a lot of work. That's the thing that has really killed me this week. The work, I think that I could handle everything else if it wasn't for the work. Papers and papers, articles for the Gamecock and more. I'm so overworked these last couple of days I can't even tell you.
Monday was much of the same, a day full of class and work. Finishing things that I had left undone for the longest time and preparing for what was ahead in the week. Little did I know what was about to befall me.
On Tuesday everything went haywire. I found myself in the arms of a girl that is unlike any I've ever, ever known. I found myself saying things that I no doubt mean, but are trouble now. Every second that I spend with this girl I feel like I'm learning new things about how to care about someone, what true feeling really is and what I should be measuring all of my other relationships up to. She is beautiful inside and out and every time she talks to me I feel like God himself is giving me a pat on the back.
I meant the things I said, I will never deny that. I've re-learned what those things are and what they mean. Slowly I realized that I might have said them at the wrong time though. There were still things to be cleared up and if those things did not clear up, this would all only end up hurting her more.
Wednesday night, I made those second thoughts known. I explained to Kendall that our future together hinges on our shared or, at this point, not shared beliefs. It hurt like hell and I'll be honest it's the hardest thing that I've ever done. To look her right in the eyes and explain to her that her background and everything that she was raised in might be keeping us from being together. Wow... it's not good.
Even now I can't believe that I did it. I can't believe that I took something that in so many ways was so right and so good and I just tore it up. I suppose there is only one thing that I can do now, that is pray and leave it in His hands. That's a shame because me and Him haven't been talking all that much as of late and a big part of me feels like He is in no mood to listen to my whining now.
Thursday was much of the same and I'm not sure where this is all going to take us. I'm not sure if this means a change in the next couple of weeks or if this means a change sometime in the next month or so. I'm nervous as anything and I kinda just wish this was all over with.
If you don't mind, a little prayer for serenity and peace of mind would be much appreciated. I'm exhausted physically and emotionally. I'm slipping right now and everything that I reach to hold on to just begins to fall with me. I need help. This is going to be a long road either way, that's the only thing I can be sure of.
23 days till I picture you face, in the back of my eyes, it's a fire in the attic and a proof of prize