Part Five I, II, III or "Promises to CREEP"

[mike_smith]

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All right, time for Part Five. This one's pretty big, but look how far we've come already! Just think back to all the... yeah, I don't want to think about it either. Let's just move on.

This time the quote from Local Council Administration talks about how you can make defamatory statements if you can prove that you did it "without malice" and for the good of the public. That reads like a slippery slope to me, but there's probably a good reason it says Local in the book's title.

I still haven't figured out what purpose these excerpts are supposed to serve. The last one was about mental capacity to vote, but the only possible situation in the story where that might apply is the part where Colin Wall voted in the election. Colin has severe OCD, but he's allowed to vote as long as he's sane enough to make it to the poll and back, basically. But no one challenges this in the book. It's not like Colin has to convince anyone that he's of sound mind. Hell, "The_Ghost_Of_Barry_Fairbrother" exposed his psychological issues to the entire town, and no one even seems to care. That's probably because no one took him very seriously to begin with. Sort of like these Local Council Administration quotes. Hell, we've only had one segment of the book so far that even takes place in a local council meeting.

I. Everyone abandons Terri Weedon sooner or later. Her mom left her dad when she was younger, and she didn't even pause to say goodbye. Social workers have come and gone, she had friends in "care", whatever that's supposed to be, but they all moved on with their lives when they turned sixteen. She bore "Ritchie Adams" two children, only to lose them as well. I don't know if social services took the kids away or what. Terri may not understand it herself. Hell, they might have been abducted. The important point is that these aren't Krystal and Robbie Weedon, the daughter and son we actually see in the book. So Terri had at least four kids alogether, but two are unaccounted for. This might be important later. No promises.

Also, someone named "Banger" left her. Maybe that guy is Krystal and/or Robbie's dad? Obbo half-jokingly claimed to be Robbie's father, so who knows? It probably doesn't matter. Nana Cath "left" Terri, although it's more like Terri left her when she turned to drug abuse. Or she's referring to the time Cath died, which isn't exactly the same thing as abandonment. The point of all this is that she's inured to the disappointment of switching from one social worker to another. This is what happens when Mattie comes back from her leave of absence, and resumes responsibility for Terri's casefile. See, Kay Bawden had been filling in for Mattie for the bulk of the novel.

Here's the thing: I've read criticisms of this book, and one of them accused Rowling of trying to pass of a "social manifesto" as a novel. I don't know that this is entirely fair. A lot of fiction has been written in an effort to promote social reform. Vacancy's problem is that it tries a little too hard, and sacrifices good storytelling for social relevance. These Terri Weedon scenes are a perfect example, because Terri never does anything. She just sort of sleepwalks through the novel, dimly recalling her past, appealing to the reader for pity. Maybe this is how an emotionally scarred heroin addict would think and act, but she comes across like a feral child. Focusing on her point-of-view is as productive as examining the character development of a dog or cat. She has no will of her own, and merely reacts to her surroundings.

In this particular instance, the point here seems to be that Kay Bawden actually managed to stimulate Terri's resolve to stay away from heroin. But this was pure happenstance, because Kay was never meant to be Terri's social worker. She was just filling in for Mattie, who doesn't have that same knack for "reaching" Terri. It's implied that Mattie kind of sucks at this in general, but that doesn't matter much. The larger issue here is that Kay made some real progress at an individual level, but Big Government lacks the metrics to see or appreciate that, so the bereaucracy puts Mattie back in place because it's her assignment. The social manifesto of this novel contends this: "Gosh, if only the big shots in charge would pay more attention to this sort of thing, and they could let the Kays of the world help the Terri's of the world without interference."

I have a few problems with that. First and foremost, it doesn't really come across in the story. Terri says and does what Terri says and does. Kay feels optimistic about Terri's progress, and everyone acts like she's gonna hunker down and stay off the heroin for real this time, and everyone (including Terri) seems to give Kay a lot of credit, but so what? There was one part where Obbo directly offered Terri heroin, and she turned him down. Maybe it was because she realized she'd lose her son, or maybe it was because Krystal was there to talk her out of it. But I don't remember anything Kay said or did entering the equation. Rowling has clearly established that Kay is a better social worker than Mattie, but she hasn't demonstrated that this makes much of a difference one way or the other. And yet, she wants me to believe that Mattie's return represents a huge setback somehow.

Terri is really just a prop to illustrate Rowling's opinion, and not much of a character in her own right. Okay, but even on that level I still have a hard time agreeing with Rowling's sentiment. There aren't enough Kay Bawdens to go around, and even if there were, is it really worth devoting one to a walking houseplant like Terri Weedon? Maybe you double up your Kays on another case where you can make a real difference, but the fact of the matter is that you just don't have the resources to save everybody. You have to do the best you can with what you have, but past a point you have to make some hard decisions. If Terri really is a walking houseplant, then she's beyond help. If she's not, if she really has a will of her own, then she's got to make some effort to meet society halfway.

For instance, Mattie tells Terri that the local rehab clinic is likely to be shut down. Mattie acts like this is no big deal, but it matters to Terri because this is one more thing that's leaving her, and she felt like she was getting somewhere this time around. Mattie explains that she can still get methadone from her general practitioner, but that's not as simple as it sounds. Terri "smacked a nurse" at the closest place, so I guess she's banned from there or something. So her GP is listed as Pagford, except her whole family blames Parminder Jawanda for Nana Cath's death. And its far away and she'd have to take the bus and so on. Now, Mattie doesn't understand what all of this means, but if Kay were here, it'd still boil down to the same problem. You either find the bus fare and swallow your hatred for Dr. Jawanda, or you're going to lose your children. Rowling is saying that society needs to give people like Terri as many open doors as possible, and I can agree with that. But sometimes real life shuts doors in your face, and you have to find another way. Forget about the vote to close down the clinic. What if it burned down in a fire? Even if Pagford and Yarvil resolved to replace the facility as quickly as possible, it'd still come down to Terri having to take a bus to get methadone from Dr. Jawanda.

Now, another part of Rolwing's social manifesto might be that Terri is incapable of raising a son, and she's going to lose him one way or another, so all of this rigamorale is just delaying the inevitable. Better to break up the family sooner than later? That's a tough question, and I don't have an easy answer. But Rowling is asking that through Terri, which means Terri is less of a character, and more of an obstacle for other characters to deal with.

Terri explains the situation to Krystal, and Krystal tells her that she has to go to Dr. Jawanda for methadone or lose Robbie. Terri refuses to even consider it, and they argue and Terri tells her to get out of the house. Krystal agrees, but takes Robbie with her. She tries to take him to her usual refuge, her friend Nikki's place, but Nikki's not home, and Nikki's mom won't allow Robbie to stay. So she reluctantly takes him back home. Terri takes Robbie back but refuses to let Krystal back in. Aaaaannnd we're right back where we started. This is why the Terri scenes suck. Maybe they are chock full of social relevance, but nothing gets accomplished.

Terri is glad to be rid of Krystal until she runs low on food and cigarettes, and then she goes through Krystal's bedroom and finds the watch she stole from Tessa Wall waaaay back in Part One. Terri takes Robbie to the store and meets Obbo. She sells him the watch for twenty bucks, and he asks her to store some bags in her house for him for a couple of days. SPOILER: they're full of drugs. Obbo reminds her that the rehab clinic is closing down, and he's pretty smug about it, because I guess drug dealers see rehab clinics as competition.

II. Hey, you know that election? The one the novel was named after? Well, Miles Mollison won. Like 66% to 33%. I guess I didn't care, but I'm kind of surprised to see Rowling didn't either.

Miles' parents congratulate him over the phone, because I guess beating a mentally ill, alleged pedophile by a double-digit margin is a huge accomplishment. I guess I wanted Colin to win, just to see how bad a train wreck it would be, but since we never get any scenes in the council meetings, it's probably just as well.

It's the night of Howard's sixty-fifth birthday party, and I guess now they'll also be celebrating Miles' election win. Samantha loathes all of this, but she's planning to go to London with her daughter Libby to see a Motorhead concert, so fuck all that noise. But wait! What's this? Libby wants her to call her friend's mother on the phone.

Okay, try to follow this. Libby told her friend Harriet about the Motorhead concert. Harriet also loves Motorhead, so she somehow got it in her head that Libby had an extra ticket, and invited her to come with. They had a big fight over this, and now Harriet's mother wants to straighten this "extra ticket" issue once and for all. Very diplomatically, she suggests that Samantha give Harriet her ticket (they'll pay for it, naturally), and Harriet's aunt can escort the girls, because Harriet's aunt and her kids are gonna rock out to Motorhead as well.

Look, let me break kayfabe here. The band in the book is never named, except for its lead singer "Jake". It's probably not Motorhead, it's probably a fictional band that more closely resembles One Direction or something like that. But this entire subplot is a lot more awesome when it's Motorhead. I just imagine Harriet's aunt and four kids enjoying "Ace of Spades", and it puts a smile on my face.

Samantha can't talk herself out of this. She wanted to go to this thing because she's been distracting herself for weeks by fantasizing about Jake--I mean Lemmy. But she can't exactly say so over the phone. Harriet's mother makes it plain: "They'd much prefer to be with each other. And you won't have to crouch down and hife among all the little teenyboppers, ha ha." Bottom line here is that Samantha has no business going, and what business she did have in mind would be weird and creepy to everyone involved.

I'd like to think Libby arranged all of this. She started to notice her mom was super into Motorhead all of a sudden, and that disturbed her profoundly. Harriet may not even have cared about the concert, but she played along because she understood how much of a buzzkill it would be to see Motorhead live and have your mom making an ass of herself in the next seat over. Samantha can have her little mid-life crisis, she can pretend to be a teenager again, but in the real world everyone just sees a middle-aged mother of two, who drinks too much and thinks with her mouth. Outside of her own head, it's just sad and embarrassing.

MEANWHILE, AT THE HOSPITAL






SGT. SLAUGHTER: Ugggghhhh....

DR. MINDBENDER: What do you mean you weren't even on the ballot! You were supposed to register!

SERPENTOR: Have a care, Mindbender! It was you who designed Serpentor to be the ultimate local politician! Running through my noble veins is the blood of a dozen comptrollers, aldermen, and coroners! My victory is assured!

DR. MINDBENDER: But the election is over! No one voted for you because no one even knew you wanted the job!

SERPENTOR: Silence! It is not for you to question the tactics of your Councillor! Yours is only to obey, and to be amazed!

DR. MINDBENDER: All right, whatever... I guess it doesn't matter now that Vegeta has flipped his shit and blew up our clubhouse.

SERPENTOR: Hmmm... indeed. Do you like the flowers I brought you?

DR. MINDBENDER: Yes, actually. I'm not really into flowers, but they do cheer me up. Or that may be the morphine they gave me. Either way.

SERPENTOR: Sniff them well, Mindbender, for soon you will smell only the blood of our enemies. Blood--and revenge!

WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT: Say.... did you manage to sneak in that bag of McDonalds I asked you for?

SERPENTOR: The line was too long, so I went to Burger King instead. I trust that will be adequate?

WILLIAM HOWARD TAFT: Hell yeah. Gimme that bag.

NURSE: Hey, he can't eat that in here--!

SERPENTOR: He can and he shall! For this... I command!

III. Okay, this part is really long and really boring. I'm just going to cover it by character instead of a chronological recap.

-Howard Mollison. It's his 65th birthday party. I'm pretty sure he holds the party in the same church as the Parish Council meetings and Barry's funeral. This may be symbolic, but the fact of the matter is that it's the biggest building in this one-horse town. He and Maureen sing karaoke to Tom Jones' "The Green, Green Grass of Home." It's his favorite song, which is weird, since the song is all about homesickness, and I'm pretty sure he's never left Pagford in his entire life. Maybe that's symbolic, but whatever.

-Gavin Hughes. He had hoped Mary Fairbrother would ask him to stay for dinner, giving him a convenient excuse to get out of this party, but she has family coming over, which he interprets to mean that she hasn't told them about him. You might ask what there is to tell, but Gavin is strangely preoccupied with what strangers think about him, even though he has no interest in anything that goes on, anywhere. Without no other excuse, he shows up for the party, only to be horrified to find Samantha Mollison and Gaia Bawden there. This is dumb because Samantha is Miles' wife and Gaia works for Howard, so it's logical to assume they would be there in some capacity. Anyway, he desperately avoids Samantha because she flirts with him when she's drunk, and he hates that. He also worries that Gaia will tell everyone about he dumped her mother for Mary Fairbrother, and that information might reach Mary before he has a chance to tell her himself.

-Andrew Price, Gaia Bawden, Sukhvinder Jawanda. They work for Howard at his deli, so he hires them to serve drinks for his party. They exceed his expectations, since everyone gets really tanked. But after a while, they abandon their duties and just get drunk themselves.

-Stuart "Fats" Wall. Sneaks in and helps himself to the booze. He claims that the entire Wall family was invited, and even though his parents declined, he saw no reason not to come himself. He apparently is on a mission to stay up the whole night, which would make more sense if he was eight. Of course, I suppose staying up all night while drinking is a more challenging task. Late into the evening he makes out with Gaia, which infuriates Andrew. That may be why he did it, although the inebriation makes it difficult to discern motives. Later in the book, Gaia has little to no memory of the event, and she hates Fats anyway because of the way he bullies Sukhvinder.

-Samantha Mollison. Her Motorhead plans dashed, she ends up going to the party with her husband. She wears her Motorhead T-shirt in defiance, however. In no time flat she gets drunk, flirts with Gavin, argues with Howard, and harasses Andrew. At one point she actually makes out with the boy, until Miles catches her and pulls her off of him.

-Newcomer! Patricia Mollison. The estranged daughter of Howard and Shirley Mollison. Turns out she's estranged because she's a lesbian. She's been in a long-term relationship with a woman named "Mel" or "Melly", but Shirley put "Patricia Mollison and guest" on the invitation, which caused a big fight, and so Patricia came by herself. I get the impression she had a sincere desire to reconnect with her family, but she quickly chews out her mom over the invitation, and Miles when he fails to see what the big deal is. To Miles credit, he actually acknowledges Mel as her partner, and seems disappointed that she hasn't joined his sister. Pat soon leaves in disgust, only to meet Adrew, Gaia, Sukhvinder, and Fats outside. Fats admires her car and she explains that she makes twice as much as Miles, but her parents are more proud of him anyway. Maybe because he's a boy, maybe because he's heterosexual, she doesn't get into the "why" of it. Gaia scolds Fats for calling Sukhvinder a lesbian on Facebook, and Patricia takes mild offense at this. Fats is taken off guard by that, but she doesn't waste time arguing with him. She has a few laughs with the kids at her family's expense, then reveals to them that she once walked in on Maureen blowing Howard years ago. Mureen gave her a "fiver" to keep it quiet.

-Simon Price. He didn't attend the party, but sat up all night at home. He might have been waiting for Andrew to come home, or he was just stressed out about his employment situation. Andrew feels something like pity towards him. He also feels angry with Fats, uncertain about Gaia, and creeped out about Samantha Mollison. Together, this puts him in a rare mood to work together with his father. He not only tells him about Maureen blowing Howard, but he shows him how to hack the Pagford website to post the information as "The_Ghost_of_Barry_Fairbrother." Note that Andrew isn't confessing to the original Ghost message that cost Simon his job. He's merely claiming to have learned how to replicate the same trick.

Now, on the second read-through, I'm wondering if Patricia wasn't counting on all of this. It seemed odd for her to strike up a conversation with a bunch of teens she doesn't know. Maybe she felt like they were the only ones who could relate to her contempt for Pagford. Maybe she wanted to show off her successful life outside of Pagford to the only other people in town who would appreciate it. But she also asked them about "The Ghost", because her mother kept going on about the trouble he's caused. So maybe she heard about this new legend and she deduced what everyone else in Pagford couldn't understand: it was the work of frustrated children.

So she asks about "The Ghost", and coincidentally, she happens to be talking to the three characters who used the name, Andrew, Fats, and Sukhvinder. I doubt she realized how close she was to the truth, but she bitterly acknowledged that her gossip-crazy mom would love the Ghost. Then she tells them about Maureen and Howard, which seems like the words of a cynical woman who just doesn't care anymore. But maybe she was hoping that the kids would spread the rumor, knowing that sooner or later, the Ghost would publish it for all to see. If so, Patricia is sort of like the three kids, except she's subcontracting all the computer hacking stuff.

Regardless, Patricia is now my favorite character, because she hates Pagford and she actually left Pagford, which is a level of agency no one else in the book seems to have. I only wonder why she bothered to come back...

NEXT: Shhhh! It's naptime.