Hail, Lowly Readers
It is I, the most illustrious and praised Baron von Jaques-ause. I have come here to this filthy journal of gross depravity and other commoner-level activities to perhaps serve as an example of true Sidhely behaviour. I know no commoner could truly excell at the dignified arts of Sidhe nobility as I do; in fact, the very notion is laughable! But it is a worthy goal worth striving towards, even for those with the great and tragic misfortune of not being Sidhe.
So where shall I begin in my grand instruction on the superb, all-encompasing ways of true nobility? I shall list them in the fashion of a numerical list, and further underline the core concepts, so that your feeble commoner-level brains will be able to comprehend these lessons on some primitive level.
1. Look down on everybody you can. Very important, this is why Sidhe have such magnificent pousture. We spend all day looking down at the common rabble, while you slouching troglodites look up to us with drooling admiration. But if you can find a commoner or two to look down upon yourself, this will let you pretend you are a real Sidhe, and perhaps even delude yourself into thinking you're actually worth to enter into the halls of nobility. (Pardon me while I chuckle softly) If you're not sure who to look down at, I suggest Arthur. No one is so rediculously stupid as to be unfit to look down on this man.
2. Use Latin phrases at random. This is farly basic. Ergo, a priori, ignis fatis, Noblese Oblige, Magna Cum Laude, and anything else you can manage to keep in your sieve-like minds. Doing so makes one appear intellegent without requiring one actually be intellegent. Sidhe do this all the time, and it has never failed. But knowing you piddling commoners, you won't even be able to use this simple technique without fouling it up.
3. Brown-nose to basically everyone above you. On this note, I would like to degress and say that Count Atropos ap Eiluned is indeed a most wise and gracious Count, and his use of Grandeur at first sign of commoners is a most ingenious tactic for keeping them in their place that I wish my lesser mind had thought of. May long be your reign and painful be the punishment you deliver to commoners if ever they should so much as make eye contact with your most worthy countenance. I humble myself before your quintessential Sidhe-ness.
Seeing as the commoner attention-span likely ended around the third paragraph, most of my intended audience will have given up attempting to understand the vast vocabulary we Sidhe employ, and have gon back to attempting acts of auto-fellatio. Ergo, I will say my farewell. And if you commoners should follow these simple (for a Sidhe. I don't see how you commoners can speak in complete sentances, much less hope to act anything like a Sidhe) guidelines, maybe you'll marginally impress a Sidhe and earn the infinite honor of licking the bottom of a knight's boot.
-Baron von Jaques-ause
So where shall I begin in my grand instruction on the superb, all-encompasing ways of true nobility? I shall list them in the fashion of a numerical list, and further underline the core concepts, so that your feeble commoner-level brains will be able to comprehend these lessons on some primitive level.
1. Look down on everybody you can. Very important, this is why Sidhe have such magnificent pousture. We spend all day looking down at the common rabble, while you slouching troglodites look up to us with drooling admiration. But if you can find a commoner or two to look down upon yourself, this will let you pretend you are a real Sidhe, and perhaps even delude yourself into thinking you're actually worth to enter into the halls of nobility. (Pardon me while I chuckle softly) If you're not sure who to look down at, I suggest Arthur. No one is so rediculously stupid as to be unfit to look down on this man.
2. Use Latin phrases at random. This is farly basic. Ergo, a priori, ignis fatis, Noblese Oblige, Magna Cum Laude, and anything else you can manage to keep in your sieve-like minds. Doing so makes one appear intellegent without requiring one actually be intellegent. Sidhe do this all the time, and it has never failed. But knowing you piddling commoners, you won't even be able to use this simple technique without fouling it up.
3. Brown-nose to basically everyone above you. On this note, I would like to degress and say that Count Atropos ap Eiluned is indeed a most wise and gracious Count, and his use of Grandeur at first sign of commoners is a most ingenious tactic for keeping them in their place that I wish my lesser mind had thought of. May long be your reign and painful be the punishment you deliver to commoners if ever they should so much as make eye contact with your most worthy countenance. I humble myself before your quintessential Sidhe-ness.
Seeing as the commoner attention-span likely ended around the third paragraph, most of my intended audience will have given up attempting to understand the vast vocabulary we Sidhe employ, and have gon back to attempting acts of auto-fellatio. Ergo, I will say my farewell. And if you commoners should follow these simple (for a Sidhe. I don't see how you commoners can speak in complete sentances, much less hope to act anything like a Sidhe) guidelines, maybe you'll marginally impress a Sidhe and earn the infinite honor of licking the bottom of a knight's boot.
-Baron von Jaques-ause