(no subject)
I've been thinking a lot.. and I still don't know where I want to end up.. where I want to be.. I don't know any of that.. I don't know what would make me happy.. and.. I think I'm at the point where I should know.. I should have ideas.. I guess.. I guess.. I'm really afraid of growing old.. without a family.. childless without anyone.. and i think that thought really scares me.. I'm afraid of dying without leaving something behind me.. I want to do something for the world.. and I have no idea what it is.. I have no idea what i can do or give.. If I had to admit my greatest fear.. I would probably say.. having children with a mental illness that i could do nothing about.. I'm not sure why.. but I really want to have a family.. a nice family thats always there.. with a wife that cares about me.. and children that grow and become amazing people.. and.. I don't understand it.. its not like i don't have a family now.. but for some reason i think it should be different.. I really don't like all the mean things in the world.. and I guess its sort of childish.. but i don't know.. I'm sorry..