Lost. Lonely?
I don't know quite where I am these days. I don't feel like I know why I am on the streets I am, sometimes I panic cause I'm not sure if I've missing something or should be somewhere. Its a weird sensation. And things aren't even that busy right now. Maybe thats the problem. Maybe things should be more packed and then I will know whats going on. Then when I wake up in the morning I will know where to go when I get out of the door and the light of 9th ave stings the back of my eyeballs, for that moment I am blind.
On one hand I feel like life is all around me rushing at me and swirling myself around. I watch things happen, people and places drift toward and away from me, all of a sudden it is the end of August. How does this happen? I am going to wake up and it will be Christmas. And I won't have remembered to wrap anything cause I won't have bought anything, cause I'll still think its October. I'll be all dressed up in a kitty outfit waiting to take my niece out trick or treating but she'll be 16 and waaay too cool for that sort of childish stuff.
On the other hand I have different fingers.
Fer real though, on the other hand I feel like I am on pause, and now I am wondering if that was the right decision. And I just wanna ask. I just wanna find out if we're on the same page. But if I ask I feel like I am being demanding. Why must I know? Can't I just chill out for once? But it would be awful to think that one thing is going to happen when its not. To have all these ideas and future plans and hopes and dreams to find out that the other half of my daydreams happens to be thinking about something/someone/somehow else.
I keep telling myself to be patient. But I was never very good at that unless I knew there was an end in sight. And I can't see it. And I don't even hear about it. I just sit in the dark, hoping to hear something rustling under my bed.
She opened the door and looked down the dark hall. She could smell it. She stepped out into the dark and could feel the silence scraping against her goosebumps. She wanted to speak, to make a noise, to hear her cat padding on the floor toward her, to feel that everything was okay. Instead it was just black. It was just dark. It was just silent.
How can I feel lonely when my days are filled with such wonderful people?
On one hand I feel like life is all around me rushing at me and swirling myself around. I watch things happen, people and places drift toward and away from me, all of a sudden it is the end of August. How does this happen? I am going to wake up and it will be Christmas. And I won't have remembered to wrap anything cause I won't have bought anything, cause I'll still think its October. I'll be all dressed up in a kitty outfit waiting to take my niece out trick or treating but she'll be 16 and waaay too cool for that sort of childish stuff.
On the other hand I have different fingers.
Fer real though, on the other hand I feel like I am on pause, and now I am wondering if that was the right decision. And I just wanna ask. I just wanna find out if we're on the same page. But if I ask I feel like I am being demanding. Why must I know? Can't I just chill out for once? But it would be awful to think that one thing is going to happen when its not. To have all these ideas and future plans and hopes and dreams to find out that the other half of my daydreams happens to be thinking about something/someone/somehow else.
I keep telling myself to be patient. But I was never very good at that unless I knew there was an end in sight. And I can't see it. And I don't even hear about it. I just sit in the dark, hoping to hear something rustling under my bed.
She opened the door and looked down the dark hall. She could smell it. She stepped out into the dark and could feel the silence scraping against her goosebumps. She wanted to speak, to make a noise, to hear her cat padding on the floor toward her, to feel that everything was okay. Instead it was just black. It was just dark. It was just silent.
How can I feel lonely when my days are filled with such wonderful people?