(no subject)
we are complicated beings,
with the intentions to be official.
in the disorder of simple things,
a minimal discipline is crucial.
i am SO lazy. i need to break up these posts into three or so a week instead of one long droning expansion once a week. i just as i said, get lazy and don't feel like posting most of the time... keep telling myself i will do it later. then later comes along and i have to much to post about.
been making my web presence a little more known lately. replying to posts in various forums lately. making opinions and jokes known instead of hiding them and laughing at my own joke and thinking "no one else would get that." well screw it if they don't get it. that's their problem. i've also been sending mail to different people whose art or music or web pages i appreciate. mostly bands i like who i stumble across and they have great pages. it's usually about a specific topic on the website like "hey, really dig the exclusive mix on the site, keep up the good work." i used to never feel the need to contact people. i felt like i would be bothering someone or i felt like a geek. then i thought... "if someone ever liked my music i would want to know and i would appreciate someone telling me." if i can't bring myself to complement someone's music who am i to deserve a compliment myself. this has been a double edged sword though. i feel like on a couple of occasions i made myself look like an idiot. then i tell myself, it's online, i will never meet these people, and really why should i care. even if i do ever meet them. still trying to balance my low profile i like to maintain without getting severely lonely.
watched a movie called "baraka" last night. amazing. no words or narration or anything. just amazing images. some of nature, some of society very social commentary oriented stuff without being preachy. showed lots of tribal peoples which was also really cool. some bizarre rituals which i really dig. it sparked my "wunderlust" again. i just think, all these amazing places in the world and where have i been? nowhere truly exotic. nowhere that international that isn't touristy. then again i've been down through mexico, like the parts where only locals are. which counts a little on the exotic scale. i've been places the a lot of americans (or europeans in fact) haven't been. little villas that shut down mid afternoon for siesta. all that was cool but it was never my style. i want to go over seas and see truly strange places. at the same time i enjoy feeling safe and secure and not having to feel like so much of an outsider. however i need adventure, but adventure is what you make of it.
been thinking about taking up web design a lot more seriously. like my music though it's something i need to stop being lazy about. think i'm going through a phase and i really need to get it out of my system. i've been internet hooked for a little bit to long. i've been neglecting video games which is really weird for me. i've been content just searching and scaming around. becoming an info whore.
which has been getting to me. i feel like i have, certain talents. mostly i let said talents completely go to waste. i don't think i'm some kind of wunderkind or prodigy or anything, but some people would kill to have any kind of artistic talent and i have all this natural talent. what do i do with it? i shrug it off and say "oh i'll finish that later." i think i have built myself this let down complex. i never let myself finish anything half way. it has to be extremely amazing in my opinion. it has to stand away from everything else. because of that i never get to finish anything because i need expensive equipment to finish it the way i want it and i don't have the money for said equipment. i also will never let myself risk anything on it or barrow money or get a loan because i'm way to paranoid. as "the path" has offered me in the past though, it's all for a reason. whether or not i finish something to my liking everything has it's place and time.
i had three days off in a row... and what did i do? wasted them. just online messing around. i also slept a lot which i'm getting tired off. need to balance that out as well.
i sound bitchy and i'm not really. my existence sounds dull to me, but i just realized that i'm relatively happy and that's what's important. i have wants, but who doesn't? kids in africa want to go on living for one more day. i don't have that problem so i feel blessed.
i have come to the realization though that if i we're to make a clothing brand for industrial cyber clothing that wasn't cheesy and had not only reasonable and well put together "casual" cloths as well as crazy "club" clothes i could make a killing. especially if i made men's clothing. i have been searching for cyber PUNKish and industrial (as opposed to raver and goth inspired stuff) and have come up really short in the men's department. most online shops have a couple things for a guys and a bunch of stuff for girls. gets on my nerves. i also wish i knew how to get someone to make me a set of goggles because for the life of me i cannot find a pair that i really like so that i can do modifications to them. it's weird but i've always wanted to design a clothing line for the hell of it. more for my benefit so i could wear the stuff. if i had the money i would get stuff designed just for me. i know i can do that via the web but that involves trust and again... money. both of which i have short supply of.
i think i'm done with my incessant rambling for the evening. i'm boring myself. maybe i shouldn't post more often. hehe.
want and worry are the things which most uninspire.
++
1
x
with the intentions to be official.
in the disorder of simple things,
a minimal discipline is crucial.
i am SO lazy. i need to break up these posts into three or so a week instead of one long droning expansion once a week. i just as i said, get lazy and don't feel like posting most of the time... keep telling myself i will do it later. then later comes along and i have to much to post about.
been making my web presence a little more known lately. replying to posts in various forums lately. making opinions and jokes known instead of hiding them and laughing at my own joke and thinking "no one else would get that." well screw it if they don't get it. that's their problem. i've also been sending mail to different people whose art or music or web pages i appreciate. mostly bands i like who i stumble across and they have great pages. it's usually about a specific topic on the website like "hey, really dig the exclusive mix on the site, keep up the good work." i used to never feel the need to contact people. i felt like i would be bothering someone or i felt like a geek. then i thought... "if someone ever liked my music i would want to know and i would appreciate someone telling me." if i can't bring myself to complement someone's music who am i to deserve a compliment myself. this has been a double edged sword though. i feel like on a couple of occasions i made myself look like an idiot. then i tell myself, it's online, i will never meet these people, and really why should i care. even if i do ever meet them. still trying to balance my low profile i like to maintain without getting severely lonely.
watched a movie called "baraka" last night. amazing. no words or narration or anything. just amazing images. some of nature, some of society very social commentary oriented stuff without being preachy. showed lots of tribal peoples which was also really cool. some bizarre rituals which i really dig. it sparked my "wunderlust" again. i just think, all these amazing places in the world and where have i been? nowhere truly exotic. nowhere that international that isn't touristy. then again i've been down through mexico, like the parts where only locals are. which counts a little on the exotic scale. i've been places the a lot of americans (or europeans in fact) haven't been. little villas that shut down mid afternoon for siesta. all that was cool but it was never my style. i want to go over seas and see truly strange places. at the same time i enjoy feeling safe and secure and not having to feel like so much of an outsider. however i need adventure, but adventure is what you make of it.
been thinking about taking up web design a lot more seriously. like my music though it's something i need to stop being lazy about. think i'm going through a phase and i really need to get it out of my system. i've been internet hooked for a little bit to long. i've been neglecting video games which is really weird for me. i've been content just searching and scaming around. becoming an info whore.
which has been getting to me. i feel like i have, certain talents. mostly i let said talents completely go to waste. i don't think i'm some kind of wunderkind or prodigy or anything, but some people would kill to have any kind of artistic talent and i have all this natural talent. what do i do with it? i shrug it off and say "oh i'll finish that later." i think i have built myself this let down complex. i never let myself finish anything half way. it has to be extremely amazing in my opinion. it has to stand away from everything else. because of that i never get to finish anything because i need expensive equipment to finish it the way i want it and i don't have the money for said equipment. i also will never let myself risk anything on it or barrow money or get a loan because i'm way to paranoid. as "the path" has offered me in the past though, it's all for a reason. whether or not i finish something to my liking everything has it's place and time.
i had three days off in a row... and what did i do? wasted them. just online messing around. i also slept a lot which i'm getting tired off. need to balance that out as well.
i sound bitchy and i'm not really. my existence sounds dull to me, but i just realized that i'm relatively happy and that's what's important. i have wants, but who doesn't? kids in africa want to go on living for one more day. i don't have that problem so i feel blessed.
i have come to the realization though that if i we're to make a clothing brand for industrial cyber clothing that wasn't cheesy and had not only reasonable and well put together "casual" cloths as well as crazy "club" clothes i could make a killing. especially if i made men's clothing. i have been searching for cyber PUNKish and industrial (as opposed to raver and goth inspired stuff) and have come up really short in the men's department. most online shops have a couple things for a guys and a bunch of stuff for girls. gets on my nerves. i also wish i knew how to get someone to make me a set of goggles because for the life of me i cannot find a pair that i really like so that i can do modifications to them. it's weird but i've always wanted to design a clothing line for the hell of it. more for my benefit so i could wear the stuff. if i had the money i would get stuff designed just for me. i know i can do that via the web but that involves trust and again... money. both of which i have short supply of.
i think i'm done with my incessant rambling for the evening. i'm boring myself. maybe i shouldn't post more often. hehe.
want and worry are the things which most uninspire.
++
1
x