You know where they say good intentions tend to lead..
I have been trying to better myself and not be so snarky and quick tempered. It has led to me getting run the fuck over. Its been hard biting my tongue and that whole "smile when they are trying to piss you off" thing makes me grind my teeth and is leading to an eye twitch.
I'm normally the funny girl who people laugh at but my feelings get just as hurt as anyone elses' maybe sometimes more. Everyone thinks I have this hard ass shell and let things roll off my shoulders like its nothing but they don't ever think to look at the huge heart that sits on my sleeve. It's always been there its just been easier to cover up with a tough shell through all the loss and bs thats happened thru my childhood and over the years.
I look at Gabe and love how carefree he is and hope Chris and I can provide the kind of childhood that stays happy. I know I can't wrap him in a bubble even though most days I would love to and he does need to learn about the world I just hope it takes alot longer to learn about the bad and doesn't have to experience what C and I did so young.
I don't know where this post was going but trying to find the balance of not getting stepped on and being to quick tempered can be a real fucking pain in the ass. I'm trying but dammit sometimes I just want to go somewhere and scream at the top of my lungs just to get it all out. Or call a time out to take a breath. Its baby steps. Sometimes I really wish we didn't have roommates or maybe just the one because I feel so stuffed in at times. The chick roommate seems to think shes an "alpha" and I sort of want to ask her if she wants to go piss on the house and feel better. I finally let it go today and laid down the law. This is MY house. This is Chris' house. This is Gabes' house. No one will be talked to the way she has been specially my child. Chris said it was a glory to watch because I went all MAMA BEAR on her ass and she walked away with her tail tucked as it should be. I might be trying to be a better person but talk to my child and try to backseat parent when you're just a young one yourself is not happening in MY house. Don't like it be sure to let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
I don't have time for childish bullshit. I'm getting to old. I just want people to be calm and happy because seriously folks lifes to fucking short. I've been overly emotional because the day Michail died 16 years ago is just around the corner. Alot of others did too. However, his was the first and most world shattering that I can remember. Sometimes it feels like so long ago and others it feels like I'm just getting that phone call that tilted my world upside down. I'll be with my mom when it comes around as I am going to see her next month for 2 weeks in CT and then head to NYC. I think a toast in his honor will be done this year as we normally don't like to speak of it because its still such a gaping hole of loss. Even now I'm tearing up. Eh, emotions are tricky bastards.
Going to the St Pattys day parade with most of the crew tomorrow. Should be interesting. I can't wait for Gabe to see. Hopefully none of the nimrods I live with get to drunk. Hopefully my ankle doesn't act up on me and I don't burn but with the luck of my irish it all will happen, lol.
I'm normally the funny girl who people laugh at but my feelings get just as hurt as anyone elses' maybe sometimes more. Everyone thinks I have this hard ass shell and let things roll off my shoulders like its nothing but they don't ever think to look at the huge heart that sits on my sleeve. It's always been there its just been easier to cover up with a tough shell through all the loss and bs thats happened thru my childhood and over the years.
I look at Gabe and love how carefree he is and hope Chris and I can provide the kind of childhood that stays happy. I know I can't wrap him in a bubble even though most days I would love to and he does need to learn about the world I just hope it takes alot longer to learn about the bad and doesn't have to experience what C and I did so young.
I don't know where this post was going but trying to find the balance of not getting stepped on and being to quick tempered can be a real fucking pain in the ass. I'm trying but dammit sometimes I just want to go somewhere and scream at the top of my lungs just to get it all out. Or call a time out to take a breath. Its baby steps. Sometimes I really wish we didn't have roommates or maybe just the one because I feel so stuffed in at times. The chick roommate seems to think shes an "alpha" and I sort of want to ask her if she wants to go piss on the house and feel better. I finally let it go today and laid down the law. This is MY house. This is Chris' house. This is Gabes' house. No one will be talked to the way she has been specially my child. Chris said it was a glory to watch because I went all MAMA BEAR on her ass and she walked away with her tail tucked as it should be. I might be trying to be a better person but talk to my child and try to backseat parent when you're just a young one yourself is not happening in MY house. Don't like it be sure to let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
I don't have time for childish bullshit. I'm getting to old. I just want people to be calm and happy because seriously folks lifes to fucking short. I've been overly emotional because the day Michail died 16 years ago is just around the corner. Alot of others did too. However, his was the first and most world shattering that I can remember. Sometimes it feels like so long ago and others it feels like I'm just getting that phone call that tilted my world upside down. I'll be with my mom when it comes around as I am going to see her next month for 2 weeks in CT and then head to NYC. I think a toast in his honor will be done this year as we normally don't like to speak of it because its still such a gaping hole of loss. Even now I'm tearing up. Eh, emotions are tricky bastards.
Going to the St Pattys day parade with most of the crew tomorrow. Should be interesting. I can't wait for Gabe to see. Hopefully none of the nimrods I live with get to drunk. Hopefully my ankle doesn't act up on me and I don't burn but with the luck of my irish it all will happen, lol.