Oh, Love-ish
It's a strange beast that holds so many masks and magnitudes.
A friend is hurting in her relationship due to some poor behavior of her partner and I felt it. I don't normally feel so empathetic towards others in such situations. I wanted to soothe her and ease the pain and being so far away, I couldn't. My heart was breaking as hers was.
I also adore her in such a way that I haven't another lady. Ever. It's a little exciting. Having feelings for someone in a way that's beyond just friendship, but still not sexual.
Another friend is/was crushing on me. He finally received the truth that I do not feel the same. I was anxious to let him know and to break his heart. I hate doing that to others more than I hate feeling it myself. I am relieved that he knows now, but I still wish I could take that perpetuated heartache & break away from him.
In a very similar vein, I myself harbor a crush on a gentleman. One that I had a short physical fling with near the beginning of our friendship. At one point, I mustered the courage to ask if we could elevate our relationship from FWB to maybe actual dating. I was respectfully let down and I didn't bother asking for a reason. I gave my own logical reasons to myself, that I was too young, too impetuous, too easy, in a completely different stage of life, and I just did not meet certain standards. Our interactions didn't change. He was as friendly as before and we stayed in each others' social circles - of which I was grateful. It felt adult. But that first month or so following, I couldn't stop thinking about wherever he might be and if I could get there too. Then things let up and I felt those desires ease and I went on with my life, putting my social activities elsewhere and feeling okay about it, instead of that aching desire to be where he might be.
Then the summer came and I was more in desire of merely a sexual partner that I felt compatible with. He was one and I didn't think he was seeing anyone, so I drunkenly asked if he would be interesting in just hooking up. Rejected once more and that's when I knew I really should and need to let it go. Unfortunately, seeing pictures of him makes my heart ache just a bit again. That sucks.
My ex-husband has decided to show up randomly at the bar again. The bartender fed me a story about him coming in a couple weekends ago, announcing to her that he's a regular (used to be), and all about the "custody" he lost over it in the divorce. Maybe she knows me? Oh yeah, she knows me. He proceeds to drink alone, and talk to noone. No friend, no girlfriend... Just of what he's mentioned about me, and the connection we all had with the bar. He showed up this past Friday. I wasn't aware until one of the waitresses who knew us as a couple brings it up. She asks if I saw him? He walked in and walked out. Bartender's annoyed because he ordered a drink... He comes back in. Doubtful that he didn't see me. There was no greeting (unlike past times), no announcement, no talking, no singing, no friend. He may have lost weight and is working out, but he looks so sad. I was a bit sad for him.
There was another guy I was interested in and made a move on him a couple times, even asked around at one point and was told he might be dating someone. Okay, that's fine. I let it go... then he got schwasted a couple of times and that's when he felt gutsy enough to come on to me in a purely physical manner. Darn. I wanted to get to know him and shit, not just have fun. Now he's back to our typical sober interactions, but it still bugs me. That light switch, ya know.
Lobster Boy is effectively being ignore and has been for a while, now that I'm completely uninvested. Thanks for the SnapDicks, though.
I'm sure I'll find whatever it is my heart, body & mind wants and I'll be that for him. Eventually, we'll discover one another.
A friend is hurting in her relationship due to some poor behavior of her partner and I felt it. I don't normally feel so empathetic towards others in such situations. I wanted to soothe her and ease the pain and being so far away, I couldn't. My heart was breaking as hers was.
I also adore her in such a way that I haven't another lady. Ever. It's a little exciting. Having feelings for someone in a way that's beyond just friendship, but still not sexual.
Another friend is/was crushing on me. He finally received the truth that I do not feel the same. I was anxious to let him know and to break his heart. I hate doing that to others more than I hate feeling it myself. I am relieved that he knows now, but I still wish I could take that perpetuated heartache & break away from him.
In a very similar vein, I myself harbor a crush on a gentleman. One that I had a short physical fling with near the beginning of our friendship. At one point, I mustered the courage to ask if we could elevate our relationship from FWB to maybe actual dating. I was respectfully let down and I didn't bother asking for a reason. I gave my own logical reasons to myself, that I was too young, too impetuous, too easy, in a completely different stage of life, and I just did not meet certain standards. Our interactions didn't change. He was as friendly as before and we stayed in each others' social circles - of which I was grateful. It felt adult. But that first month or so following, I couldn't stop thinking about wherever he might be and if I could get there too. Then things let up and I felt those desires ease and I went on with my life, putting my social activities elsewhere and feeling okay about it, instead of that aching desire to be where he might be.
Then the summer came and I was more in desire of merely a sexual partner that I felt compatible with. He was one and I didn't think he was seeing anyone, so I drunkenly asked if he would be interesting in just hooking up. Rejected once more and that's when I knew I really should and need to let it go. Unfortunately, seeing pictures of him makes my heart ache just a bit again. That sucks.
My ex-husband has decided to show up randomly at the bar again. The bartender fed me a story about him coming in a couple weekends ago, announcing to her that he's a regular (used to be), and all about the "custody" he lost over it in the divorce. Maybe she knows me? Oh yeah, she knows me. He proceeds to drink alone, and talk to noone. No friend, no girlfriend... Just of what he's mentioned about me, and the connection we all had with the bar. He showed up this past Friday. I wasn't aware until one of the waitresses who knew us as a couple brings it up. She asks if I saw him? He walked in and walked out. Bartender's annoyed because he ordered a drink... He comes back in. Doubtful that he didn't see me. There was no greeting (unlike past times), no announcement, no talking, no singing, no friend. He may have lost weight and is working out, but he looks so sad. I was a bit sad for him.
There was another guy I was interested in and made a move on him a couple times, even asked around at one point and was told he might be dating someone. Okay, that's fine. I let it go... then he got schwasted a couple of times and that's when he felt gutsy enough to come on to me in a purely physical manner. Darn. I wanted to get to know him and shit, not just have fun. Now he's back to our typical sober interactions, but it still bugs me. That light switch, ya know.
Lobster Boy is effectively being ignore and has been for a while, now that I'm completely uninvested. Thanks for the SnapDicks, though.
I'm sure I'll find whatever it is my heart, body & mind wants and I'll be that for him. Eventually, we'll discover one another.