Persuasion - Chapter 4
Title: Persuasion
Author: Miharuru
Pairing: Fuji/Tezuka
Genre: Angst/Romance
Rating: K+
Word Count: 1714
Chapter: 4/5
Previous Chapters: 1 | 2 | 3
Summary: Sinful, cunning, manipulative, liar.
A/N: What Fuji experiences in this chapter it's a Panic Attack. I didn't explained it any clearly so if you want more information about it check Wikipedia.
Weakness: A personal defect or failing. Powerlessness revealed by an inability to act. The property of lacking physical or mental strength; liability to failure under pressure, stress or strain.
“I am quitting the team.”
“I can’t allow that.” He stated damagingly.
“I knew you would say so, but it isn’t your choice anymore.”
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Fuji spent all the club time looking at Tezuka from the outside of the courts. He watched anxiously and angrily Tezuka hitting balls against the wall and swinging his racket as if he was a freshman all over again. The team didn’t notice anything weird about Tezuka and perhaps if Inui hadn’t told him that before, Fuji himself wouldn’t be vexed about the captain and his condition. There he was, the almighty Tezuka Kunimitsu washing away the imperative events like plain old sheets. Fuji stood in his place as a spectator of Tezuka’s ruining-to-be show. He couldn’t do anything else. He was unable to move from the entry of the courts and everyone was probably thinking he skipped practice. And in a certain way he did.
“Fuji sempai, have you only arrived now?”
“FUJIIIII ANSWEEEEEER! You look pale, is something the matter?” Kikumaru asked clinging onto Fuji’s back, preoccupation look in his eyes.
“Ah… I had some things to do and couldn’t make it earlier.” He lied quickly.
“Was it? I asked Tezuka but he said nothing so I presumed you had warned him.” He said. “Still, Fuji, are you really ok? You look weird.”
Fuji tried his best to giggle as he used to.
“Yes, I am just a bit tired. I’ll be leaving now. See you tomorrow, Kikumaru.”
“Oh… yeah cya”
Tezuka said nothing? What was that supposed to mean? Was him some kind of a business to avoid now?
Fuji’s throat was burning. Fuji’s lumps were aching. To inspire and expire felt extremely painful. Every inch of Fuji’s body was trembling. He wanted to run, to erase those kinds of feelings from his mind, from his soul, from his heart. He ran towards nowhere. He ran to hide, he ran to forget, running really from no one but himself. All he could feel was that absurd panic engulfing him. While some are forgotten by others, others are forgotten by themselves.
“I have lost myself in my lies.”
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Next day Fuji didn’t show up in practice or school. Nor in the day after that. Everyone was worried and tried to realize what was happening with the tensai, but there was no way they could hear why Fuji was skipping classes.
Kikumaru often asked Tezuka if he knew something since he was the one closest to Fuji, however the only thing he got from his captain was a blunt and dull look and a negative sign. Tezuka himself had already been in Fuji’s house just to receive no answer to his calls. That anguish would kill him eventually.
The day Fuji appeared he only carried with him a white sheet of paper where it was possible to read his resignation from the tennis team.
“I cannot allow that.” Tezuka stated demandingly. Even if he took himself out from the equation, Fuji was vital to the team’s victory and without him Seigaku’s chances diminished dramatically.
In the end, Tezuka knew he was just fooling himself. The only reason he wanted Fuji there was for his own lust.
“I knew you would say so, but it’s not your choice anymore.” Fuji voiced and left.
“Wait. Fuji!” Tezuka called. “Come back here! FUJI!”
But Fuji didn’t even glance behind pretending to be immune to Tezuka’s lack of composure and commanding yells.
He approached the doors of the courts and whispered only for himself to hear.
“I am sorry Tezuka, but fainthearted feelings only take me this far.”
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Tezuka screamed at Oishi to take the lead of training and ran after Fuji. He couldn’t understand if that meant that their deal was over, that he wasn’t to be near Fuji anymore, that he wasn’t meant to share himself with Fuji any longer.
He opened the lockers room’s door and found Fuji kneeled on the floor, hands on the wall supporting his body.
“Why are you doing this?” He asked angrily. Why was Fuji being so reckless and so not like himself?
Fuji’s face was covered by shadows and he didn’t make any response.
“You have a liability with this team! You can’t just walk away from this.”
That, of course, wasn’t the absolute true reason why Tezuka wanted Fuji to come back, but he didn’t know those weren’t in fact the best arguments to change his mind. Fuji’s decision could not be altered with such altruist reasons as his compromise with his teammates. However, Tezuka was not good dealing with unexpected situations and he was even worse when those situations had Fuji’s name written on a piece of paper.
“Our bargain is over, you can go.” Fuji said between breaths. “You are the one who is failing your team right now. Go.”
“What? We…”
“There was never a ‘we’ didn’t you get anything? There was a you and a bold I from the very beginning and it’s all over now.” He snapped.
Something was wrong with Fuji, that Tezuka could tell. He was costumed with Fuji being mean but Fuji being restless and impatient was totally new. Again, Tezuka was clueless in what to say.
“What’s wrong with you?”
“I… am not part of your concern anymore. Leave.” he uttered in annoyance “LEAVE!”
Fuji was now sitting, in an almost lying position, on the floor shaking uncontrollably and panting. His face was flushed, his heart beat was racing and he was experiencing shortness of breath. He was losing all the control of his actions and thoughts and that was something unbearable for Fuji. Maybe that was how death felt like? He was receiving his punishment, even if he didn’t feel like he deserved any. Sinful, cunning, manipulative, liar. He was conscious of all the components of his character. People are born weak or strong he always believed. Now he was coming to the knowledge that people are also born good or bad. Unfortunately for Fuji, at humanity’s eyes, he was in the bad side.
Tezuka’s lips were moving although no sound was coming out of them. All Fuji could hear was that sick silence engulfing his mind as an insistent humming. Tezuka’s eyes were looking at him with a weird sort of expression, lack of understanding and concern. They felt so distant Fuji wasn’t even sure if they were real. Everything felt like the last. Everything tasted like ephemeral. And that was the end. That was his end.
The only thing Fuji remembered after all that despair and anxiety was Tezuka’s hands on his shoulders shoving him calmly, calling his name like some sort of enchantment.
“Fuji. Are you okay?”
He found himself thinking Tezuka, who was so often admired by his clean and beautiful play, was himself, a beautiful person. The fact he was capable of formulating such appreciations scared him more than anything, simply because that was not who Fuji Shusuke was.
“Why do you love me?” Words came out as a groan. Fuji’s words, once again, as sharp as swords.
“What?” Tezuka was so close to Fuji even so he was getting more and more confused about him. “Who… Who are you?”
“Why do you love me, Tezuka?” Fuji insisted once more now looking deep in Tezuka’s eyes. The first real look he had ever given to them. It was as if Fuji was getting to know Tezuka for the first time in his life.
Tezuka didn’t say anything or expressed some will to answer him.
“I can see through people but I don’t let people see through me. You know that. You know me. You admit my true being and yet you keep doing nothing against it. Why? Why?”
Maybe Tezuka himself didn’t know the true answer to that, Fuji realized. That situation, all those doubts and stupid inquiries in his mind were making him sick. Leaving the team was the perfect solution or so he thought of but that restlessness within was consuming him.
They remained silent for what it looked like ages to Fuji, if Tezuka was actually thinking about the answer he couldn’t tell however he wasn’t really expecting one anymore.
“It’s my choice.” Tezuka finally said “Even though I don’t mean anything to you and you have no ambitions, I am the one who chooses this.”
He paused and grabbed Fuji’s wrist instinctively when he was about to get up. With a hand on his chin Tezuka asserted.
“I would gladly lose myself in order for you to find yourself.”
Fuji glared at Tezuka and clutched his shirt. His heart was racing again and he couldn’t find any reason to explain that. Tezuka was still looking straight at him as if he could read all the confusion and disbelieve running through Fuji’s mind. So after all, not everything was lost.
At first Fuji thought it was Tezuka’s crude sentence what was originating that feeling and the only thing he really felt within that heart of his was anger. However, no anger of any kind was supposed to feel like that, Fuji had learned. He continued seizing Tezuka’s shirt as to make sure Tezuka wasn’t running away until Fuji finally realized what was going on with him. He wanted to hit him endlessly for making him, the true manipulator and persuasive one, dubious. Fuji wasn’t the type of man who used that type of violence, and for that Tezuka should be thankful.
Maybe it was the sincerity and honesty buried in those words what caused all that perturbation. Such vain qualities did never reach him there must have been something special this time. His vision became suddenly blurred but he wouldn’t let go of his captain, he was still holding Tezuka’s shirt, as someone who holds onto life.
His cheeks felt unusually cold and something similar to what he would describe as wet. Fuji was surprised, though, by how marvelously good he found that simple thing to be. And then Tezuka got closer and kissed his cheeks, wiping the tears away with his soft lips.
Tezuka. So that was what was different that time.
Oh my GIG 2007 Live arrived today I NEED TO WATCH IT TOMORROW ♥ Kazuki you look marvelous in the inner cover (I won't say anything about the pimp look in the front cover :X)
School starts next week and I want to cry D: Dear Geometry I DON'T miss you. Remember my fantastic "TO DO during Holidays" list? Well, majority didn't happen I AM SO LAZY FOR GOODNESS SAKE WHY WHYYYY? Oh well...