fic: by accident (part 09)
Title: By Accident: part 09: Dusk
Genre: angst
Pairing(s): no pairings
Rating: PG-13 for violence and situations which may not be suitable for younger children
Disclaimer: Characters are not owned by me nor am I related to them in any way.
Author's Notes: I totally missed Nino’s birthday. This was supposed to come out on that day. I did not update for a month! that must be some sort of record~ -.-;;
- - - - - - - - - - -
Nino turned off the engine but remained in his seat, staring straight ahead. He decided to leave the van only if his heart stops hammering against his chest. His palms were sweaty, and he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.
The pristine white building of CORE loomed before him. The immaculate lawn seemed to be taunting his disheveled and sleep-deprived self. It wasn’t exactly hostile, in fact it was completely the opposite; nursing aides in blue scrub suits stood waiting in the lobby, ready to assist patients in wheelchairs or crutches or wearing any other orthotic device. The guards bowed and greeted everyone without missing a beat. The receptionist, visible on the other side of the automatic glass doors, sat with a ready smile and looked pleasant enough.
Men and women in long white coats passed by his van without a second glance, one or two elderly women walked by accompanied by a nurse in a pink scrub suit, they were talking about the improvement of the taste served in the cafeteria. They too did not seem to notice Nino’s existence.
He noticed that the sun was considerably lower now, hidden behind CORE’s main building. It’s now or never, he thought grimly.
Taking a deep breath, Nino opened the door and got out of the van.
“Good evening” the security guard greeted him with a large smile
“Uh...thanks” Nino replied awkwardly
At the lobby, the receptionist proved as friendly as Nino predicted. She beamed at him as he approached the counter, “Hello. It’s been a while.”
“Uh…yeah.” Nino grumbled, forcing a small smile, “I am looking for Dr. Yamada Takeru?”
The girl nodded and pointed to her right “Follow this corridor and ride the elevator to the third floor. His clinic is the second room to the right.”
Nino thanked her and went on his way. So far so good, he will finally get the chance to talk to this doctor.
Upon arriving at the third floor patient lounge, another nurse in a pink scrub suit approached him. Nino informed her of his request to meet Dr. Yamada.
“Please take a seat, the doctor will be with you in a minute.”
“Thanks.” Nino said half-heartedly, dropping down on the couch closest to the door.
There were two other patients waiting with him; a short, balding man in his early 40’s, his eyes glued to the television set on the wall. Beside him was a woman with pure white hair and thick glasses, watching Nino suspiciously for a minute before returning to her needlework. Both of them were wearing blue hospital gowns and, Nino noticed, the white rubber bracelets on their right wrists.
Nino scanned the room, hoping to see something familiar that will trigger something from his lost memory. To his dismay, there was not much to see in the room. Fluorescent lights, couches on three sides, a long white counter on the fourth, a water dispenser, TV, and a wall clock. Windows were closed and the sound from the TV kept at a minimum.
The man suddenly laughed out loud, pointing at the TV. Nino looked up, an advertisement for a shampoo was being shown. Whatever’s the reason for the man’s amusement, Nino didn’t get it.
He grimaced, he was beginning to regret his decision to come alone.
A white door on the far end of the room opened. A thin man wearing glasses and a white coat came out, walking beside a redhead girl about the same age as Nino. The doctor patted the girl lightly on the shoulder and motioned with one hand to the couch.
The girl nodded and headed towards Nino. She looked surprised to see him there, even stopping halfway, but she recovered just as quickly and took a seat beside him.
“Kazunari,” the man in white greeted him, “I was wondering when you were going to visit me.”
Nino stood up awkwardly, “You are Dr. Yamada?”
The man smiled, “Yes. Why don’t we talk in my office?”
Dr. Yamada closed the door behind him, “I’m surprised you found me so fast.”
Nino shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “Oh, did I?”
The doctor smiled, “You had always kept a tight rein about what you do in this center, I was afraid you’ve been too good with keeping secrets that you might have problems figuring it out yourself.”
“I’m afraid I don’t follow with what you’re saying, doctor.” Nino said slowly, “I still haven’t recovered most of my memories.”
“Right, of course. Best we start at the beginning then.”
Dr. Yamada searched through his files stacked on top of the desk. Nino watched him anxiously. He couldn’t believe he was about to get the answers he wanted, as well as those he feared to hear.
After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor pulled out a thin folder with Nino’s name written boldly in front. He handed the file to Nino, who accepted it with trembling hands.
“You came with a referral from Dr. Tamaro and a request to keep our meetings confidential. Three months have passed, you were asked to return here once a week for a series of tests and batteries.”
“Tests? For what?”
The doctor looked at him through his glasses, “For petit mal seizures.”
“Sorry?”
The doctor pointed on the folder. Nino looked down, his gaze fell on the paper entitled Mental Status Examination. He read it out loud “The patient showed good recall of immediate events, with slight difficulty in recalling recent past memories. The patient complained of tiredness, blackouts, and accidentally falling asleep while working.”
Nino flipped to the next page, the entry on top was dated a week after the previous note. “The patient’s recent EEG findings confirmed diagnosis of petit mal seizure disorder. The patient will undergo rehabilitation with close supervision as an in-patient for two months.”
He stopped reading to look at the doctor, “Two months as in-patient, what is that supposed to mean?” he inquired
“It means we want you to stay here at CORE.” Dr. Yamada answered.
Nino shook his head with disbelief, “But this is insane! I can’t have this…seizure disorder!”
“I recall you saying those exact words after the first EEG.”
“I don’t even know what an EEG is.” Nino muttered under his breath
“It’s just a kind of test we do to examine brain activity.” Dr. Yamada explained, flipping more pages and showing them to Nino, pointing on graphs and plot lines, “As you can see, we frequently repeated the procedure just to convince you.”
Nino inhaled sharply. The lines made no sense to him, but the sentence on the bottom of each page did.
The patient is confirmed to have petit mal seizures.
“What does it mean?”
Dr. Yamada folded his hands together on his lap and asked, “Have you experienced suddenly falling asleep or your head hurting so much that you black out?”
Nino frowned, thinking. He shook his head, “I don’t remember.”
“It might come back to you in another time.” The doctor said understandingly
Nino hesitated, looking down on his hands while watching the doctor out of the corner of his eye. Its now or never, Nino, he thought.
“Doctor, do you know Shinagawa Daisuke?”
The doctor studied him thoughtfully before nodding briefly, “I do. He’s a patient of mine.”
“We were together when the accident happened,” Nino explained, “but wasn’t he staying here as a patient?”
“Yes, he was,” Dr. Yamada answered, “On that night, Daisuke ran away from the hospital after lights out. We were only able to trace his whereabouts when we called the police, and they informed us about the accident.”
Nino nodded wordlessly, trying to take it all in. So he had confirmed the police’s theory about Daisuke sneaking out of the hospital.
“Do you remember meeting him?” the doctor asked him
“No, not really.”
“There was a group meeting two months ago for the patients. I remember you attending that meeting, and I’m guessing that’s where you two met. Ah, here is the picture.”
Nino took the picture from the doctor with another small nod, it seemed the only thing he was capable of doing at the moment. He stared at it unbelievably, his own face smiling back from the center of the picture. Daisuke was grinning and had one arm around Nino and the other around a tall girl wearing a patient’s uniform.
Nino exhaled slowly, shaking his head. “It’s no use. I can’t remember anything. Is that normal?”
“I’m assuming it has something to do with the accident. The seizure may cause you to lose consciousness and forget what happened during the time it took place, but for your memories to be entirely erased might be another thing. Falling from the motorcycle and landing as hard as you did will result to damage into your brain. It is a surprise that the only thing you lost was your memory.”
Nino grimaced, stopping himself from blurting out that he’d rather lose something else.
The room was covered by orange light coming from outside the window. The sun was inches away from sinking behind the horizon. Nino watched it, mesmerized by the way the shadows shifted on the wall behind the doctor’s desk.
“What is it you came here for, Nino?” Dr. Yamada asked him quietly
Nino shrugged helplessly. He was so sure the doctor will have all the answers he was looking for. He was relieved to find out what was wrong with him, and he had confirmed that Daisuke was actually a forgotten friend. However, he felt no different than he did before he entered the hospital.
How was the information he found out going to help me? What am I supposed to do now? Where should I go?
He wished Aiba was there, he would know what to do next, or Jun who probably knows what else to ask from the doctor, or have Sho encourage him and drag him back to the van and continue searching, or Ohno who can think of the events logically and move forward despite a slight drawback.
“I’m sorry I can’t help you any further.” The doctor said gently, sensing Nino’s despair, “if there is anything else you need, you may contact me anytime.”
“Thank you doctor.” Nino said, smiling thinly.
He stood up to shake the doctor’s hand. Hesitantly, Nino asked, “This…seizure that I have. Is it curable?”
“There are medications to control it, yes.” Was the doctor’s reply.
Nino nodded, thinking it wasn’t the answer he really wanted but it was better than nothing. “Thank you for your time.”
He realized then that he was clutching the picture tightly in one hand. He held it up for the doctor to see,
“Do you mind if I borrow this for a while?”
“Sure, you may keep it if you want.”
Genre: angst
Pairing(s): no pairings
Rating: PG-13 for violence and situations which may not be suitable for younger children
Disclaimer: Characters are not owned by me nor am I related to them in any way.
Author's Notes: I totally missed Nino’s birthday. This was supposed to come out on that day. I did not update for a month! that must be some sort of record~ -.-;;
- - - - - - - - - - -
Nino turned off the engine but remained in his seat, staring straight ahead. He decided to leave the van only if his heart stops hammering against his chest. His palms were sweaty, and he tightened his grip on the steering wheel.
The pristine white building of CORE loomed before him. The immaculate lawn seemed to be taunting his disheveled and sleep-deprived self. It wasn’t exactly hostile, in fact it was completely the opposite; nursing aides in blue scrub suits stood waiting in the lobby, ready to assist patients in wheelchairs or crutches or wearing any other orthotic device. The guards bowed and greeted everyone without missing a beat. The receptionist, visible on the other side of the automatic glass doors, sat with a ready smile and looked pleasant enough.
Men and women in long white coats passed by his van without a second glance, one or two elderly women walked by accompanied by a nurse in a pink scrub suit, they were talking about the improvement of the taste served in the cafeteria. They too did not seem to notice Nino’s existence.
He noticed that the sun was considerably lower now, hidden behind CORE’s main building. It’s now or never, he thought grimly.
Taking a deep breath, Nino opened the door and got out of the van.
“Good evening” the security guard greeted him with a large smile
“Uh...thanks” Nino replied awkwardly
At the lobby, the receptionist proved as friendly as Nino predicted. She beamed at him as he approached the counter, “Hello. It’s been a while.”
“Uh…yeah.” Nino grumbled, forcing a small smile, “I am looking for Dr. Yamada Takeru?”
The girl nodded and pointed to her right “Follow this corridor and ride the elevator to the third floor. His clinic is the second room to the right.”
Nino thanked her and went on his way. So far so good, he will finally get the chance to talk to this doctor.
Upon arriving at the third floor patient lounge, another nurse in a pink scrub suit approached him. Nino informed her of his request to meet Dr. Yamada.
“Please take a seat, the doctor will be with you in a minute.”
“Thanks.” Nino said half-heartedly, dropping down on the couch closest to the door.
There were two other patients waiting with him; a short, balding man in his early 40’s, his eyes glued to the television set on the wall. Beside him was a woman with pure white hair and thick glasses, watching Nino suspiciously for a minute before returning to her needlework. Both of them were wearing blue hospital gowns and, Nino noticed, the white rubber bracelets on their right wrists.
Nino scanned the room, hoping to see something familiar that will trigger something from his lost memory. To his dismay, there was not much to see in the room. Fluorescent lights, couches on three sides, a long white counter on the fourth, a water dispenser, TV, and a wall clock. Windows were closed and the sound from the TV kept at a minimum.
The man suddenly laughed out loud, pointing at the TV. Nino looked up, an advertisement for a shampoo was being shown. Whatever’s the reason for the man’s amusement, Nino didn’t get it.
He grimaced, he was beginning to regret his decision to come alone.
A white door on the far end of the room opened. A thin man wearing glasses and a white coat came out, walking beside a redhead girl about the same age as Nino. The doctor patted the girl lightly on the shoulder and motioned with one hand to the couch.
The girl nodded and headed towards Nino. She looked surprised to see him there, even stopping halfway, but she recovered just as quickly and took a seat beside him.
“Kazunari,” the man in white greeted him, “I was wondering when you were going to visit me.”
Nino stood up awkwardly, “You are Dr. Yamada?”
The man smiled, “Yes. Why don’t we talk in my office?”
Dr. Yamada closed the door behind him, “I’m surprised you found me so fast.”
Nino shifted uncomfortably in his seat, “Oh, did I?”
The doctor smiled, “You had always kept a tight rein about what you do in this center, I was afraid you’ve been too good with keeping secrets that you might have problems figuring it out yourself.”
“I’m afraid I don’t follow with what you’re saying, doctor.” Nino said slowly, “I still haven’t recovered most of my memories.”
“Right, of course. Best we start at the beginning then.”
Dr. Yamada searched through his files stacked on top of the desk. Nino watched him anxiously. He couldn’t believe he was about to get the answers he wanted, as well as those he feared to hear.
After what seemed like an eternity, the doctor pulled out a thin folder with Nino’s name written boldly in front. He handed the file to Nino, who accepted it with trembling hands.
“You came with a referral from Dr. Tamaro and a request to keep our meetings confidential. Three months have passed, you were asked to return here once a week for a series of tests and batteries.”
“Tests? For what?”
The doctor looked at him through his glasses, “For petit mal seizures.”
“Sorry?”
The doctor pointed on the folder. Nino looked down, his gaze fell on the paper entitled Mental Status Examination. He read it out loud “The patient showed good recall of immediate events, with slight difficulty in recalling recent past memories. The patient complained of tiredness, blackouts, and accidentally falling asleep while working.”
Nino flipped to the next page, the entry on top was dated a week after the previous note. “The patient’s recent EEG findings confirmed diagnosis of petit mal seizure disorder. The patient will undergo rehabilitation with close supervision as an in-patient for two months.”
He stopped reading to look at the doctor, “Two months as in-patient, what is that supposed to mean?” he inquired
“It means we want you to stay here at CORE.” Dr. Yamada answered.
Nino shook his head with disbelief, “But this is insane! I can’t have this…seizure disorder!”
“I recall you saying those exact words after the first EEG.”
“I don’t even know what an EEG is.” Nino muttered under his breath
“It’s just a kind of test we do to examine brain activity.” Dr. Yamada explained, flipping more pages and showing them to Nino, pointing on graphs and plot lines, “As you can see, we frequently repeated the procedure just to convince you.”
Nino inhaled sharply. The lines made no sense to him, but the sentence on the bottom of each page did.
The patient is confirmed to have petit mal seizures.
“What does it mean?”
Dr. Yamada folded his hands together on his lap and asked, “Have you experienced suddenly falling asleep or your head hurting so much that you black out?”
Nino frowned, thinking. He shook his head, “I don’t remember.”
“It might come back to you in another time.” The doctor said understandingly
Nino hesitated, looking down on his hands while watching the doctor out of the corner of his eye. Its now or never, Nino, he thought.
“Doctor, do you know Shinagawa Daisuke?”
The doctor studied him thoughtfully before nodding briefly, “I do. He’s a patient of mine.”
“We were together when the accident happened,” Nino explained, “but wasn’t he staying here as a patient?”
“Yes, he was,” Dr. Yamada answered, “On that night, Daisuke ran away from the hospital after lights out. We were only able to trace his whereabouts when we called the police, and they informed us about the accident.”
Nino nodded wordlessly, trying to take it all in. So he had confirmed the police’s theory about Daisuke sneaking out of the hospital.
“Do you remember meeting him?” the doctor asked him
“No, not really.”
“There was a group meeting two months ago for the patients. I remember you attending that meeting, and I’m guessing that’s where you two met. Ah, here is the picture.”
Nino took the picture from the doctor with another small nod, it seemed the only thing he was capable of doing at the moment. He stared at it unbelievably, his own face smiling back from the center of the picture. Daisuke was grinning and had one arm around Nino and the other around a tall girl wearing a patient’s uniform.
Nino exhaled slowly, shaking his head. “It’s no use. I can’t remember anything. Is that normal?”
“I’m assuming it has something to do with the accident. The seizure may cause you to lose consciousness and forget what happened during the time it took place, but for your memories to be entirely erased might be another thing. Falling from the motorcycle and landing as hard as you did will result to damage into your brain. It is a surprise that the only thing you lost was your memory.”
Nino grimaced, stopping himself from blurting out that he’d rather lose something else.
The room was covered by orange light coming from outside the window. The sun was inches away from sinking behind the horizon. Nino watched it, mesmerized by the way the shadows shifted on the wall behind the doctor’s desk.
“What is it you came here for, Nino?” Dr. Yamada asked him quietly
Nino shrugged helplessly. He was so sure the doctor will have all the answers he was looking for. He was relieved to find out what was wrong with him, and he had confirmed that Daisuke was actually a forgotten friend. However, he felt no different than he did before he entered the hospital.
How was the information he found out going to help me? What am I supposed to do now? Where should I go?
He wished Aiba was there, he would know what to do next, or Jun who probably knows what else to ask from the doctor, or have Sho encourage him and drag him back to the van and continue searching, or Ohno who can think of the events logically and move forward despite a slight drawback.
“I’m sorry I can’t help you any further.” The doctor said gently, sensing Nino’s despair, “if there is anything else you need, you may contact me anytime.”
“Thank you doctor.” Nino said, smiling thinly.
He stood up to shake the doctor’s hand. Hesitantly, Nino asked, “This…seizure that I have. Is it curable?”
“There are medications to control it, yes.” Was the doctor’s reply.
Nino nodded, thinking it wasn’t the answer he really wanted but it was better than nothing. “Thank you for your time.”
He realized then that he was clutching the picture tightly in one hand. He held it up for the doctor to see,
“Do you mind if I borrow this for a while?”
“Sure, you may keep it if you want.”