Accepting Goodbyes
Title: Accepting Goodbyes
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst.
Pairing: Kangin / Leeteuk
Words: 1.194
Notes: Also one of my first. Sorry for the crappiness. I will improve, hopefully. xD
”…Please… Don’t go…”
A tearstained face begged. The broken voice held so much desire, yet the desire itself was too selfish to contain. Crimson liquid quietly slid down the handsome face from the man’s lip, his warm brown eyes begging with everything they had. The other one stood; a cold expression on his face. However, in the presence of the other, he could not hide the anguish he felt. The complete denial he was in was absolute, but he… he couldn’t turn back now. This wasn’t something he had the power to change.
“I have to…” the man responded.
The other shook his head in disdain, his small hands clinging onto the man’s pants as he sobbed. “No! I won’t let you…!” His knuckles had by now turned completely white and the other could easily feel his strong grip, despite his lanky figure. Outside, the rain was pouring, each droplet of thick water giving off their individual sound. Inside the darkness prone room, the two were silenced except from the sobs the kneeling man tried his best to hold back.
But without fail, the sobs broke through and became louder for every word spoken, “I… love you… why… does it have to end like this?!” The kneeling man looked up at the other, his eyes filled with tears that steadily fell down his cheeks. The other felt his heart breaking for the nth time; he wished nothing more than to be by the other’s side forever. He knelt down, an index finger trailing along the crying man’s cheek. His soft skin continued to intoxicate him, it didn’t matter when or where, it was always him. The younger one slowly held his hands up, cupping the older one’s cheeks in his palms while his thumbs quietly wiped away the tears.
He gazed into his brown eyes, the smallest smile on his lips; yet, the smile was filled with deep grief and sadness. “Don’t… don’t do this to me.” He whispered, tears starting to assemble at the corner of his eyes as well. Pulling his hands from the man’s pants, the crying one cupped his hands around the other’s while his gaze remained locked with his. “Kangin…” the older one whimpered.
“Shh.” Kangin slowly let his index finger travel to Leeteuk’s lips, quieting him.
The two men sat there on the floor of their dorm, the heavy rain being the only source of sound as the two grief stricken lovers clung to each other, even by a thread. Another sorrowful smile graced the young one’s lips as he let his fingers brush away some of his love’s bangs from his face. He wanted to get one last, good look at the man he loved more than anyone else. “Is this really the way you want me to remember you by…?” Kangin asked, trying to strike a joke to lighten up the mood, even though he knew it was useless.
Leeteuk was heartbroken, his head sunk down to rest in his lover’s lap. His whole body was shaking furiously in tune with his strong sobs. Closing his eyes, Kangin successfully held back his tears that were threatening to fall as he stroked the older one’s hair.
A lightening bolt flashed through the sky outside, illuminating the room in an instant, but only for a second. Kangin listened to the rain, the rain that used to give him peace of mind, but at the moment, he couldn’t stand it. He wanted to break something, to rip apart something so that he could truly show his feelings for once. The fact that he had to leave forever, to not be able to see the members of Super Junior… he turned his head downwards, gazing over Leeteuk’s shaking body; to not be able to see his love ever again… it was the most painful thing he had ever experienced.
Suddenly, the younger one felt a hand around his neck, pulling him forcefully down and in that instant, the familiar and most soothing feeling he knew exploded. His eyes instinctively closed as Leeteuk pulled him into a deep kiss. They both immediately immersed themselves to the feeling, their heartbeats seeming to beat as one. Leeteuk’s tongue pushed through his lover’s lips to caress his soft, intoxicating tongue. The combination of tears and blood was salty and metallic, however; he wanted to taste him like never before, express all of his deeply concealed love for this young hyung. His hyung. Kangin accepted Leeteuk’s feelings again and again, as he would, for eternity. His arms snaked around the thin waist and pulled his love closer, their mouths waging war on each other.
Having forgotten everything around them, the room, the rain, the world, even how to breathe; the two of them had found happiness like never before. How ironic that an ecstatic feeling like this was accompanied by one of great heartache. After a small while, Kangin broke the kiss, needing to breathe to survive. He swallowed and felt Leeteuk’s hot breath rolling over his face, mixing with his own. Running his hands up and down his lover’s back, he leaned his forehead against the other’s, resting there as they both breathed quietly.
Leeteuk’s fingers crawled up into Kangin’s short and smooth hair, knowing that if he let go of him now, he would disappear forever. He gently nuzzled his nose against his lover’s, whispering, “I love you.” Nodding a bit, the young one stroked the older one’s sides, whispering back shakily, “I love you too. Never forget that.”
Sobs followed this statement and Leeteuk nodded against Kangin, his fingers gripping him tighter than ever before.
“I wont…” his hoarse voice emitted into the empty room.
When he opened his eyes, the heartache that followed was unbearable. Kangin was gone. It felt like his heart had been ripped into little pieces over and over again and his tears fell uncontrollably down his face. The leader clung onto a small necklace in his hand, his body rocking back and forward while he mourned the loss of his one true love.
“Youngwoon ah…” He sobbed into the nothingness.
A soft knock sounded at the door to his room, but he didn’t even have the energy to respond. The door opened slightly and Hankyung quietly peeked through the crack, “Teukie ssi…I don’t suppose you want dinner?”
Leeteuk’s tearstained face turned to glance at Hankyung, a small sorrow filled smile on his lips. “He’s really gone, Hannie.” Immediately, Hankyung regretted his choice of coming in; he never wanted to remind his wonderful leader that his love was gone forever. But Hankyung sighed as he saw the look on Leeteuk’s face and he made his way into the room and sat down on the floor beside him. Leeteuk was shaking. “That’s the first time I’ve said that out loud. He’s really… gone.”
Nodding understandingly, Hankyung pulled his leader in for a tight embrace-his heart aching- and let him cry as hard as he wanted to. “Yeah. He’s gone.” He whispered, holding the crying Leeteuk close to him. There wasn’t anything he could do otherwise. Kangin was gone and they would all have to accept it sooner or later.