(no subject)
i always get the urge to delete this journal thing, and i don't know why. but i never do, i keep coming back to it. it seems like such an early-'oughts thing to do, but here i am updating it. christ. 'will we never be set free?' says withnail...anyway. school is a bear and i'm coming near(ish) to the end of my M.A., and when i finish i will probably go on a 2-week mescaline binge in the deserts of mexico to celebrate. but new york is weird. especially now that i moved to manhattan. the mix of douchey smugness, grit-vomitude, and the precarious balancing of ghetto and barrio and fancy condo, it doesn't make any sense.
so yeah, whatever, new york is odd...so is boulder and so is san antonio. but new york is weird in a sinister kind of way. you hate it for so long, and then you suddenly can't imagine living anywhere else, because you think everywhere else would be a downgrade, even though you secretly know better. so sometimes living here makes me miss the early '00s, the 'oughts?, not really because things were 'simpler,' but just because SOME things were simpler. i wouldn't say i have a hell of a lot more responsibility now, because i don't really. maybe it is music-related? i don't know. i always thought people in new york went to shows all the time because everyone comes here, but since i came here i think i've gone to fewer shows than i went to in xi'an. i don't know why. it's expensive, and shows sell out, but it's also because i'm less motivated than i was in boulder. that is sad, too. tonight, georgie james and travis morrison played at the knitting factory. i could have walked there after class, but i didn't see the point. i've seen the dismemberment plan three times and q and not u twice and georgie james once, so what's the point? but immediately after coming to this conclusion i started feeling old and weird about myself. i guess i should've gone. whatever. maybe the whole early-00s nostalgia is bullshit and i'm fooling myself. it wasn't so great 6 or 7 years ago. it's not like music or art or movies are much worse now. and thinking of that whole, 'when i was younger' thing is stupid, because although it was great to have one less quasi-wrinkle next to my eye i guess i was more angsty and holden caulfield-y then, and i definitely don't want to go back to that. well, i don't have much else to write about. things otherwise aren't bad at all. redd hott saq made a new cd, my new painting is coming along, i finished my 15 page paper this week, and fall has fallen in new york so the autumn clothes come out. so hey hey, things could be worse.
