(no subject)
I finally talked to Amanda today. It was awful, its almost as if I just wish I hadn't called in the first place. I just cryed my eyes out when we hung up. I can't habdle this. I don't cry, but I am now. How can things be so different, how can you not care so much? Are we too immature for her? Is our tiny little world not important enough? I love her so much but I can't understand how little effort is being put into keeping this up. I feel so hurt and abandoned. I called Kristen after I talked to Amanda and she made me feel better. A lot better actually, she keeps me sane. Then I talked to Nathaniel but he didn't understand and in the end just made me feel worse. I hate having so much time to think I guess thats why I keep myself so busy all the time. The more time you have the more time to hurt and I hurt all the time. I hate this. I hate everything. I especially hate my cell phone its an awful thing and if it just disappeared I wouldn't miss it at all, it hurts me most of all.