-82-
For those of you that have been here at least a year, try reading backward in your journals. Just as an experiment. Don't worry; I don't mind waiting while you do this. Look at the things you talked about a year ago. Go further back if you want to.
Do the same things still make you angry? Are you having the same problems? Would you do all the things now that you used to do then?
...For most of us there are a lot of "no"s in there. This would be reason enough for some to want to claim that this place changes people. I think it's simpler, and more true, really, to say that people, by and large, change. I for one, am most definitely a different person than the one I was twelve months ago. I'm not completely settled on how I've changed, but I know I have. The most noticeable part of it, for me, is that I'm not as bothered by it as I would have been back then. I don't like this place, I don't like that changes are imposed on me, but I can safely say that any permanent shift so far has been something I had to choose to step toward to begin with.
Another noticeable change -- that I'm deigning to discuss this matter at all with the populous at large.
Surprise, surprise.
[Private to Martha]
I'd like a word with you.
Do the same things still make you angry? Are you having the same problems? Would you do all the things now that you used to do then?
...For most of us there are a lot of "no"s in there. This would be reason enough for some to want to claim that this place changes people. I think it's simpler, and more true, really, to say that people, by and large, change. I for one, am most definitely a different person than the one I was twelve months ago. I'm not completely settled on how I've changed, but I know I have. The most noticeable part of it, for me, is that I'm not as bothered by it as I would have been back then. I don't like this place, I don't like that changes are imposed on me, but I can safely say that any permanent shift so far has been something I had to choose to step toward to begin with.
Another noticeable change -- that I'm deigning to discuss this matter at all with the populous at large.
Surprise, surprise.
[Private to Martha]
I'd like a word with you.