I know you well enough to know I never loved you
(Today is not a "what's new with my life" update, but more like "what's new with me". It may be turtles for you.)
This last week has been interesting for me. Last Saturday, I think "resigned" would have been in the top 5 of words I'd use to describe myself, but something happened, and that shit got the kaibosh dropped on it. I used to feel like I was just playing a part, but fuck that. This is my show now.
Hilariously, I punted a PTQ this weekend. But you know what? I didn't get unlucky; I just never get good. That's why, not because of some overreaching circle of luck that I'll just have to accept. There's stuff I should have done and stuff I'm going to do, and my world is going to change because of it, and that's how it's going to be from now on. "Post hoc ergo propter hoc" fallacies can eat it, I won't assume I'm a cause, I'll be the damn cause!
I was going to cut this part, but fuck it. I have done hurtful things to people I like. I don't know why. There's a violently anti-social part of me, I think, but he's a sheltered coward, and he can eat it. I'll be violently social if I have to, or at least, I'll wear it on my sleeve and people won't get sucker punched. Nobody deserves that.
To conclude this worthless piece of update, either I'm going through a phase or into a new one. Obviously I don't know which, but I'll be damned if this driven feeling is getting given up easily. Driven. When have I ever called myself that?
This last week has been interesting for me. Last Saturday, I think "resigned" would have been in the top 5 of words I'd use to describe myself, but something happened, and that shit got the kaibosh dropped on it. I used to feel like I was just playing a part, but fuck that. This is my show now.
Hilariously, I punted a PTQ this weekend. But you know what? I didn't get unlucky; I just never get good. That's why, not because of some overreaching circle of luck that I'll just have to accept. There's stuff I should have done and stuff I'm going to do, and my world is going to change because of it, and that's how it's going to be from now on. "Post hoc ergo propter hoc" fallacies can eat it, I won't assume I'm a cause, I'll be the damn cause!
I was going to cut this part, but fuck it. I have done hurtful things to people I like. I don't know why. There's a violently anti-social part of me, I think, but he's a sheltered coward, and he can eat it. I'll be violently social if I have to, or at least, I'll wear it on my sleeve and people won't get sucker punched. Nobody deserves that.
To conclude this worthless piece of update, either I'm going through a phase or into a new one. Obviously I don't know which, but I'll be damned if this driven feeling is getting given up easily. Driven. When have I ever called myself that?