(no subject)
today was a bad day for me emotionally...actually it's been a pretty bad week....a week that has reinforced why i prefer solitude.
friends will only give you strife. not all friends, and not all the time. but when they do hit you a low blow, boy it hurts.
i have joined a weekly dinner party with some old friends living in ann arbor. i was invited by my best friend two weeks ago wednesday, and i went to her apartment and had a great time eating dinner with a few people. then, a boy i don't really know well but who went to high school with me invited all of us to his apartment the following week for dinner. he leaned over to me and said rather loudly, "and you can come too, holly", to which i responded happily, "I'll bring the salad!".
well, the following week rolls around, and as we all crowded around this guy's cramped apartment table, eating and drinking and having a merry time, he proclaims in the middle of pure silence,
"holly, i didn't mean to invite you. i mean, i didn't think you'd actually come."
how is that supposed to make me feel? how am i supposed to respond to that? luckily i've got some great friends who stood up for me and said, "well, you invited her! we're glad she's here" etc etc etc...but the deed was done. with those few words, he singled me out as the black sheep, the elephant, and whatever else have you.
then, there has been the ongoing teasing at work. there is a vo-tech student who job shadows dr. kirkland every tuesday and thursday at the vet clinic, which is when i work. at first, i thought she was a nice girl, so i opened up to her rather quickly. my mistake. she took my openness as an opportunity to single me out in everything and make me feel like a loser and a nerd. and what's worse, my other co-worker who i really like occasionally gets roped in, so that i'm ganged up against - 2 on 1.
for example, today i was explaining to this vo-tech girl how much i really enjoy the movie 'pan's labyrinth'. i started telling her the plot, and how it's in subtitles and everything, and everything i say she responds with "uh-huh...sure...that sounds really fascinating"in the most monotone, unenthusiastic, demeaning tone she can muster. i believe she thinks she's being funny, but she teases me basically every day i work, and eventually the line gets crossed between friendly banter and...well...downright teasing. i've struggled with confidence in my job from the beginning, and i was just getting to a point where i was starting to really enjoy work and feel confident before this girl stepped in. i mean, i'm 22 years old and she's in high school, and yet she treats me like a child.
my old roommate used to do that to me too - she would tease me sometimes, and would laugh at my passion for everything, like i was a child. it makes me really question my maturity and how others see me. at times i fear i am developing borderling personality disorder, but i don't think it's that extreme yet. a part of me wants to relive my childhood and go back to when life wasn't so crappy and i had no responsibility, and a part of me wants to be responsible for something important. but most of all, i want to be taken seriously unless i am outright making a joke.
it's times like this that i feel so much like God chose this very moment for Belle to come into my life. When i went to the humane society to choose a cat, i felt oddly drawn to her cage before i even saw her in it. Once I did see her, she was the only one of her siblings to pay me any attention, and it was like she was calling to me. then, when i brought her home, she had some behavior problems and would poop outside her litterbox every morning, and at times i thought "i can't handle this cat! i'm at my wit's end!". i prayed about it, and god answered my prayers. and now, i can't imagine my life without her. she's the kind of pet i dreamt of having as a child - one who would be there when i needed, who would just sit and watch tv with me, or let me pet her and play with her. belle is here to help me through my problems with my friends.
i never really feel like i fit in with other people except when i'm around abbie, and now when i'm around belle too.
friends will only give you strife. not all friends, and not all the time. but when they do hit you a low blow, boy it hurts.
i have joined a weekly dinner party with some old friends living in ann arbor. i was invited by my best friend two weeks ago wednesday, and i went to her apartment and had a great time eating dinner with a few people. then, a boy i don't really know well but who went to high school with me invited all of us to his apartment the following week for dinner. he leaned over to me and said rather loudly, "and you can come too, holly", to which i responded happily, "I'll bring the salad!".
well, the following week rolls around, and as we all crowded around this guy's cramped apartment table, eating and drinking and having a merry time, he proclaims in the middle of pure silence,
"holly, i didn't mean to invite you. i mean, i didn't think you'd actually come."
how is that supposed to make me feel? how am i supposed to respond to that? luckily i've got some great friends who stood up for me and said, "well, you invited her! we're glad she's here" etc etc etc...but the deed was done. with those few words, he singled me out as the black sheep, the elephant, and whatever else have you.
then, there has been the ongoing teasing at work. there is a vo-tech student who job shadows dr. kirkland every tuesday and thursday at the vet clinic, which is when i work. at first, i thought she was a nice girl, so i opened up to her rather quickly. my mistake. she took my openness as an opportunity to single me out in everything and make me feel like a loser and a nerd. and what's worse, my other co-worker who i really like occasionally gets roped in, so that i'm ganged up against - 2 on 1.
for example, today i was explaining to this vo-tech girl how much i really enjoy the movie 'pan's labyrinth'. i started telling her the plot, and how it's in subtitles and everything, and everything i say she responds with "uh-huh...sure...that sounds really fascinating"in the most monotone, unenthusiastic, demeaning tone she can muster. i believe she thinks she's being funny, but she teases me basically every day i work, and eventually the line gets crossed between friendly banter and...well...downright teasing. i've struggled with confidence in my job from the beginning, and i was just getting to a point where i was starting to really enjoy work and feel confident before this girl stepped in. i mean, i'm 22 years old and she's in high school, and yet she treats me like a child.
my old roommate used to do that to me too - she would tease me sometimes, and would laugh at my passion for everything, like i was a child. it makes me really question my maturity and how others see me. at times i fear i am developing borderling personality disorder, but i don't think it's that extreme yet. a part of me wants to relive my childhood and go back to when life wasn't so crappy and i had no responsibility, and a part of me wants to be responsible for something important. but most of all, i want to be taken seriously unless i am outright making a joke.
it's times like this that i feel so much like God chose this very moment for Belle to come into my life. When i went to the humane society to choose a cat, i felt oddly drawn to her cage before i even saw her in it. Once I did see her, she was the only one of her siblings to pay me any attention, and it was like she was calling to me. then, when i brought her home, she had some behavior problems and would poop outside her litterbox every morning, and at times i thought "i can't handle this cat! i'm at my wit's end!". i prayed about it, and god answered my prayers. and now, i can't imagine my life without her. she's the kind of pet i dreamt of having as a child - one who would be there when i needed, who would just sit and watch tv with me, or let me pet her and play with her. belle is here to help me through my problems with my friends.
i never really feel like i fit in with other people except when i'm around abbie, and now when i'm around belle too.