Senioritis
I recently turned 23. That's in years that represent how long I have been alive. This morning I couldn't remember if I was 22 or 23, and I had to do the math out on my phone's calculator function. That was just one of many signs that I have noticed that foreshadow my long spiral of brain deterioration now that I have passed 20. And my coolness is suffering as well (luckily, I have plenty of coolness to go around). Here are a few of the signs:
1) I have started removing my eggs from the carton in a manner that leaves a symmetrical distribution of the remaining eggs, so that the center of gravity of the carton will always be as close to the center as possible. The idea is to reduce the threat of dropping the eggs.
2) I go to Hardee's at 5:30 every morning and get a senior discounted biscuit and coffee, then eat it slowly while telling everyone who'll listen about how you used to could sit in the back of Hardee's and smoke cigarettes.
3) I've been in Hospitals a lot more than I ever used to. When I'm there I can feel everyone looking at me, thinking that it's only a matter of time before I fall over dead. And secretly they're a little glad when they realize that it's their tax dollars paying for me to be there. Then they feel guilty about thinking this, but I know they think it.
4) I went to a movie yesterday, and I was "tired out" when it was over. How the fuck do I get "tired out" after sitting down for two and a half hours?
5) I hate everyone younger than 18 years of age. Actually, my dog is almost the only life form I like at all.
6) When I see that Bingo is being played somewhere, it sticks in my memory like it was branded there. I successfully fight the urge to go, but I get antsy when the time comes, and I know that I won't be able to fight it forever.
7) I think everyone is dumber than me.*
8)I let the word "poppycock" slip out in casual conversation the other day, though I made no conscious effort to. Luckily the people with me thought it was a joke and I was saved from embarrassment.
9) The most emotion I have shown in the past 6 months was earlier in the week when I found out that I had two gallons of milk, and I drank the one with the later due date first.
10) When I eat eggs, I take them out in an order that ensures that a pattern of eggs will be left such that the weight of the eggs will be evenly spread out along the carton. The reasoning behind this is to lower the likelihood of dropping the carton.
*I have thought this my whole life, and it's probably true.
1) I have started removing my eggs from the carton in a manner that leaves a symmetrical distribution of the remaining eggs, so that the center of gravity of the carton will always be as close to the center as possible. The idea is to reduce the threat of dropping the eggs.
2) I go to Hardee's at 5:30 every morning and get a senior discounted biscuit and coffee, then eat it slowly while telling everyone who'll listen about how you used to could sit in the back of Hardee's and smoke cigarettes.
3) I've been in Hospitals a lot more than I ever used to. When I'm there I can feel everyone looking at me, thinking that it's only a matter of time before I fall over dead. And secretly they're a little glad when they realize that it's their tax dollars paying for me to be there. Then they feel guilty about thinking this, but I know they think it.
4) I went to a movie yesterday, and I was "tired out" when it was over. How the fuck do I get "tired out" after sitting down for two and a half hours?
5) I hate everyone younger than 18 years of age. Actually, my dog is almost the only life form I like at all.
6) When I see that Bingo is being played somewhere, it sticks in my memory like it was branded there. I successfully fight the urge to go, but I get antsy when the time comes, and I know that I won't be able to fight it forever.
7) I think everyone is dumber than me.*
8)I let the word "poppycock" slip out in casual conversation the other day, though I made no conscious effort to. Luckily the people with me thought it was a joke and I was saved from embarrassment.
9) The most emotion I have shown in the past 6 months was earlier in the week when I found out that I had two gallons of milk, and I drank the one with the later due date first.
10) When I eat eggs, I take them out in an order that ensures that a pattern of eggs will be left such that the weight of the eggs will be evenly spread out along the carton. The reasoning behind this is to lower the likelihood of dropping the carton.
*I have thought this my whole life, and it's probably true.