Fandom Snowflake Challenge #2: mierke

mierke

Fandom Snowflake Challenge #2

Jan 04, 2020 09:40

Challenge #2

In your own space, talk about your fannish history. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

I'm 9 or 10 years old. I watch Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman and Heartbreak High religiously. Scully and Sam are my first TV crushes; I don't know it at the time, but Michaela/Scully and Anita/Drazic are my first ships.
When my sister is kicked out of the house when I'm 13, it's Dawson's Creek that keeps us together. I go over there every Sunday evening to watch the new episode. I see a lot of myself in Joey.
When I'm about 15 years old, I join my brother in watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The show is somewhere in its fifth season; The Gift is one of the first episodes I watch, and I have no idea who Tara is when Willow reverts her back to her own self. I start googling, and find episode transcripts and The Kitten. It wouldn't be until four years later that I'd watch all the episodes, but by then I knew what happened in each and every one of them because I'd pour over the scripts. I've talked extensively about The Kitten and what it meant to me here. When I try branching out from The Kitten, I discover ship wars (heated arguments in the Bangel vs Spuffy camp and I just don't understand how you can turn something so wonderful into something so hateful), and antis (Buffy/Giles shippers are apparently gross?). I'm confused; from the very beginning, I've shipped Buffy with both Spike and Giles and I don't get why that would be a problem. I retreat back into the safety of The Kitten (which is, at its core, also part of the shipping war - the rules state you can't even include Kennedy - but also by its very rules it's kept out of the fanfic itself so I don't encounter the flames), but not after discovering Nautibitz' wonderful Spuffy stories.

Also in 2003, Sedes & Belli airs. This Flemish PI series has a male and female lead with crackling sexual tension and I develop crushes on both the main characters. It takes me a while to realise that usually, people drool over one or the other. I realise I might actually be bisexual (though due to societal pressure, I identify as gay for years, because bi isn't a thing, right?).
I'm an avid reader. I'd go the library every Friday since a very young age. I meet the first girl I fall in love with in the library around the time I'm 10 or 11 years old. I also find Harry Potter. At the time only the first three books have been released, and I'm in love. I wait impatiently for book four and five to come out in Dutch translation, and when the sixth book comes, I'm done with waiting the extra six months (!) and just buy the English version. I cry. I cheer. I love Harry. I love Lupin. I love Dumbledore. I love Hermione. My first book fandom is born.
When I move out of my parents' house and in with my girlfriend at 18, the Buffy series box is one of the first things we buy. It's the start of nights of binge watching (though we called it series marathons back then) and an extensive DVD collection. Charmed follows, and the idea that I need to see the finale is one of the things that keeps me alive.
Late 2009, early 2010 I start writing my own fanfiction. I owe a lot to 5_prompts and still_grrr for giving me things to play with and a supportive environment to do it in. Whedonland follows not long after and it's the start of a land comm addiction that would last several years (I think I'm a member of seven at one point). I try my hand at fanmixes, wallpapers, icons... It's through Castleland that I meet my best friend. I become more and more involved in fandom, at one point leading several teams at different land comms. Fandom has taken over my life, and I couldn't be happier.
Also in 2009, JackoBond wins Zo Is Er Maar Een, a Flemish TV program looking for new talent in Dutch-language music. I develop a crush, big time, and so does my wife. We start following her, going to every concert we can get to (first by train, later, finally, by car). We know her songs inside and out. She calls us her number one fans. When we get married in 2012, the only reason we even have an actual wedding instead of just spending the day with two, is that we booked a private concert (it was the highlight, seriously). My first 'real life' fandom is born. For a while, we're part of a group of fans, but all the drama makes me tired and sad and weary, again infusing something that should be happy and wonderful with anger and distrust, and we're relieved when the group falls apart.
A year later, I meet a(n at that point unknown) Flemish singer/actor. I fall in love. Like, seriously in love. Almost ten years later, and I still am. I go to all of the shows, all of the concerts, I can. He makes me laugh. He gives me hope. We flirt. Back in 2006, it was the Charmed finale that gave me a reason to go on, now there's always a new show, a new concert, to look forward to. I keep my distance from other fans, not wanting a repeat of what happened before, and not feeling the connection I felt with online fandom.
I never really could get into fanfiction.net (the site just didn't gel with me), so I keep reading on The Kitten and LiveJournal. I read quite a lot on Twisting the Hellmouth as well, but after a bad experience with one of my own stories, the site is soured a bit for me. It isn't until 2011 (I was late, I know!) that I get an invite to AO3, and from that moment on, my fanfic life is changed. I'm not exactly sure when I post my first story (I've got a couple that are back-dated), but I finally feel comfortable again with sharing beyond LiveJournal.
Life continues that way for a while. When the land comms stop, when LJ stops being the main fandom platform, I'm a little bereft. My mental health takes a turn for the worst, and while I still try to write, I've lost the spark. I still read. A lot. I try to keep fandom alive for myself, but it's hard. I like Tumblr, but it's a very visual medium, and lots of the non-visual stuff feels angry. It's not a place to make connections, and I start feeling a little lonely. Fic exchanges become my new land comms, but there as well, I miss the community.
Then, in the 2015-2016 TV season, something happens. This little show called Crazy Ex-Girlfriend airs, and it literally changes my life. I realise I want to be happy. I start going to therapy. I write Rachel Bloom an open letter and her response on Twitter is one of the highlights of my life. On 18 February 2018 I post the first Crazy Ex fandom newsletter on Tumblr, which I would keep doing until October 2019.
In 2019, that fandom spark finally turns back into a flame. My therapist encourages me to find other ways to find that community, because apparently, when I talk about fandom I light up the same way as I do when I talk about the boy I'm in love with. I start tag wrangling. I discover the 100 fandom challenge and write stories that I'd never before thought I'd actually write. I post more than 40,000 words in 2019 on AO3. I finally write my first story of over 10,000 words. I start doing research with Silph Road for Pokemon Go. Fandom again becomes a place where I can be myself and find myself.

life, comm: snowflake_challenge