grow.
i have not been myself. these past two months or so have been fucking up my head so much. i made stupid decisions, began losing some of the people i love, and became so close to being in a lot of trouble.
but you will not hear me say that i regret any of it. i was fortunate enough to realize my stopping point before it was too late. ive learned so much about myself, and what i need, and what it is i should be doing with my time. its made me a better person. some people are born good people, or raised to be good people, but for the rest of us, it takes a little push. or perhaps a big push. this was my push. one of them at least, im positive there will be more. im positive i will need more.
i feel glad that i was able to have this experience and grow from it. im not saying that it was a good time, because most of the time it wasnt. im relieved to be out of it. im just glad that now i can grow into myself. its what ive been waiting for, truly. ever since i was a little girl, i couldnt wait to grow up. and now its happening and im not scared like most people are. in fact, im ecstatic.
i just hope it all goes up from here. i dont see how it couldnt. ive met a wonderful boy (dustin, i miss you), have the most amazing best friends (jordan, alex, dave, zahra, i love you). im also in the process of getting a new job, and will be having to pay bills (which will only help with my growing up and learning, so yay). i graduate and get to go to college in less than a year (yay more learning). and, the most exciting thing of all, im going to arizona on the seventh. there is a man there who has been an enormous inspiration on my life and i promised myself that i would meet him before i turn eighteen. luckily for me, dave has money to blow and is willing to spend it in order to go with me (and help me go). even though we'd only have time to be in arizona for six hours, it will be completely worth it if everything works out.
stars, please let everything work out. and please dont let me be disappointed and let down with all the hopes i have put into this entry.
(i dont really believe in god, so i pray to the stars.)
but you will not hear me say that i regret any of it. i was fortunate enough to realize my stopping point before it was too late. ive learned so much about myself, and what i need, and what it is i should be doing with my time. its made me a better person. some people are born good people, or raised to be good people, but for the rest of us, it takes a little push. or perhaps a big push. this was my push. one of them at least, im positive there will be more. im positive i will need more.
i feel glad that i was able to have this experience and grow from it. im not saying that it was a good time, because most of the time it wasnt. im relieved to be out of it. im just glad that now i can grow into myself. its what ive been waiting for, truly. ever since i was a little girl, i couldnt wait to grow up. and now its happening and im not scared like most people are. in fact, im ecstatic.
i just hope it all goes up from here. i dont see how it couldnt. ive met a wonderful boy (dustin, i miss you), have the most amazing best friends (jordan, alex, dave, zahra, i love you). im also in the process of getting a new job, and will be having to pay bills (which will only help with my growing up and learning, so yay). i graduate and get to go to college in less than a year (yay more learning). and, the most exciting thing of all, im going to arizona on the seventh. there is a man there who has been an enormous inspiration on my life and i promised myself that i would meet him before i turn eighteen. luckily for me, dave has money to blow and is willing to spend it in order to go with me (and help me go). even though we'd only have time to be in arizona for six hours, it will be completely worth it if everything works out.
stars, please let everything work out. and please dont let me be disappointed and let down with all the hopes i have put into this entry.
(i dont really believe in god, so i pray to the stars.)