updatiness.
so its about 2 weeks since i was dismissed from the hospital and im still up here at my parents house. there are some things about this that please me, including: having the use of moms kitchen, spending time with mom, being able to help my mom out, she buys most of the groceries, there are some really great programs going on up here to help with medicine/medical bills when you are experiencing financial hardship. (this county likes to think ahead)i have my application in to most of them and this is groovy.
but im also irritated because: im here waiting on this appointment or that thing... not really by choice, im bored, i miss my friends, i miss my stuff, i dont feel like ive made real progress on my life this year- that im just playing catch-up from last year, my phone bill went through the roof, i want to be spreading out my business cards (sewing, mending, alterations) in MY local area... and i cant.
it also doesnt help that every time i make a phone call it seems i need to make three more. yes, my situation is complicated, but i dont deserve a blank stare because it doesnt fit in the paperwork's boxes. and diabetes is an old disease that gives empirical data in research, so why do i feel like im playing "telephone" with every doctor? im serious each doctor that i have talked to has given me different instructions on insulin dosages, and different reasons for them! is this science or not?
luckily the doctor i will (hopefully) be working with most often is the one who made the most sense. she also is very patient with questions.
im having a hard time sticking to the diet i need to because all of this is seriously weighing on my nerves. i feel like im overdue to go home, but my mom needs me here a bit longer. i dont really want to talk to anyone because i dont want to sound all whiny, but although the water has gone down a lot, and im feeling much better, most of my life still sucks right now. my brain is also functioning differently now that its getting what it needs to again, so im trying to evaluate myself for the last year and see what of my "sick" behaviors are really in keeping with "me".
its taking a lot of willpower to face the backlog of stuff, because a lot of my brain is looking at the huge pile and just wants to run away. the childishness of it shames me, but honestly, im terrified that its going to take the rest of my life to reach financial stability and be independent again. that might kill me faster than the diabetes.
but im also irritated because: im here waiting on this appointment or that thing... not really by choice, im bored, i miss my friends, i miss my stuff, i dont feel like ive made real progress on my life this year- that im just playing catch-up from last year, my phone bill went through the roof, i want to be spreading out my business cards (sewing, mending, alterations) in MY local area... and i cant.
it also doesnt help that every time i make a phone call it seems i need to make three more. yes, my situation is complicated, but i dont deserve a blank stare because it doesnt fit in the paperwork's boxes. and diabetes is an old disease that gives empirical data in research, so why do i feel like im playing "telephone" with every doctor? im serious each doctor that i have talked to has given me different instructions on insulin dosages, and different reasons for them! is this science or not?
luckily the doctor i will (hopefully) be working with most often is the one who made the most sense. she also is very patient with questions.
im having a hard time sticking to the diet i need to because all of this is seriously weighing on my nerves. i feel like im overdue to go home, but my mom needs me here a bit longer. i dont really want to talk to anyone because i dont want to sound all whiny, but although the water has gone down a lot, and im feeling much better, most of my life still sucks right now. my brain is also functioning differently now that its getting what it needs to again, so im trying to evaluate myself for the last year and see what of my "sick" behaviors are really in keeping with "me".
its taking a lot of willpower to face the backlog of stuff, because a lot of my brain is looking at the huge pile and just wants to run away. the childishness of it shames me, but honestly, im terrified that its going to take the rest of my life to reach financial stability and be independent again. that might kill me faster than the diabetes.