When it reaches the ocean
Title: When it reaches the ocean
Pairings: Slight Ohmiya, generally Nino-centric
Rating: PG-13
Beta: fel93
Genre: Psycological?
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine
Summary: Venture into the mind of a troubled soul...; if you find it confusing, it's because he's more confused than you are.
A/N: There isn't much viewing pleasure for this fic, because it is rather plotless. ): It's more of an exploration of emotions from the first person perspective, hence it can get very hard to understand or incoherent. Words from my wonderful beta, fel93, who encouraged me to post this: "This fic won't appeal to people who are not in the mood to think" haha.
It was really interesting to write such a no-holds-barred kind of fic though!
“Hello Nino-chan!” a chirpy voice greets me from the other side of the door.
My bandmates are littered all over the room, Oh-chan reading a fishing magazine, Sho-kun the newspaper and Jun-kun the meeting notes needed for the recording of Himitsu no Arashi-chan later on. Aiba-chan is looking sharply at me, holding a deck of cards.
“You told me that you were going to show me your latest trick!” Aiba whines, shuffling the cards in his hands.
I rearrange my features, grinning, I pull my sleeves up. “All right, Aiba-chan! I’ll make your eyes fall off in amazement with my latest trick!”
I’m in a dark, dingy room. A cellar of sorts.
“Hello…?” Trying not to choke on the cold air, I call out uncertainly. No one answers, but from the corner of the room I sense movement. “Hello?” I repeat, frowning. “Anyone there…?”
The movement grows more flurried, until the ground trembles and something from the corner of the room growls. The creature. Clouds of dust rise from the ground and a bitingly cold draft blows into the room. I find myself unconsciously shivering.
It's just from the cold, though.
*
Ohno wraps his arms around me, his long fingers intertwining with my own short ones. His warmth spread through my body and, for a fleeting moment, I forget. I forget about any creatures in the room.
“You can do it, if you try.” He smiles, the edges of his eyes wrinkling as his eyes twinkles. I smile. I love his warmth; his sweetness engulfs me like the rays of a sun on the coldest of winter days, without fail. But I pull away from him slightly harshly, shoving him away, flinching at his hurt expression. The image of Oh-chan disappears.
Who says I’m not trying? I want to shout, but I can’t. I’m the one who says that I’m not trying. I want to try, I always do. But I don’t. Letting myself sink into Oh-chan’s embrace only hides me from the monster.
While I hide behind the wall of his embrace, the thing sniggers. Because it is still there, and it grows with procrastination.
The monster’s icy breath, so unlike Oh-chan’s, brushes against my pale cheek. I can’t escape it. It’s not that I don’t want to run away.
It’s because it’s far too strong.
*
No- I’m far too weak. It feeds on my weakness, on my disability to annihilate it. And so it grows. Jun knows. I’ve mentioned the creature to Jun before. He says that if once I break free of the chains, I can fight it.
I look back at him sceptically.
Running away is easier.
*
I don’t understand anything, I don’t know what’s the best course of action to take… every road is just wrong, wrong, wrong and dead ends come more often than straight paths.
My path is like a river, narrow at first, a single channel. Then it widens. It branches out everywhere. It spreads everywhere, like a disease. Sometimes it floods. For me, it’s like a perpetual flood. Until it reaches the sea, and there’s no way to salvage my already dismal situation.
I laugh inwardly. Dismal seems like a serious understatement. But right now I’m panicking. I’m awfully close to the river mouth and, even though I’m weak and I succumb too much and I hardly fight and… I don’t want to lose just yet.
But I’m not fighting either.
*
IV. The signposts
I am at the head of a long corridor which stretches so far that it gave the impression that it vanishes into thin air. There were doors everywhere, on either side of the corridor. Identical doors.
I walk forward slowly and gingerly touch the first doorknob. Before I can press down on its brass surface, the door bursts open from the inside. I leap away from the door in shock before
a tall and slim figure bounds out. A figure with honey-coloured hair.
“Aiba-chan!” I gasp.
Aiba-chan ignores me, as though I am not there at all. He bounces along the corridor, away from me. I give chase, yelling his name.
“Aiba-chan! Aiba-chan, hey! Wait up…!”
“Aiba-cha- oof!“ Aiba-chan suddenly stops, and I crash head first into him. I fall, hard, onto the cold floor but Aiba-chan seems unaffected. He doesn’t even seem to feel the impact of our crash.
I watch Aiba-chan put a hand on his chin, as though contemplating something. All of a sudden, he approaches a door and throws it open, jumping into whatever is on the other side. The door shuts in my face. I stand there for a moment in front of the door, stunned.
Clamouring up, I throw open the same door, determined to follow Aiba. If I follow him, I believe I’ll get out of here, so I lift up a foot to step over the threshold, and stop myself just in time, because one more step forward, and I would have found myself plunging down a building.
The view from the open door looks horribly like the one from the window of the TBS building.
The 20th floor.
I hear my breaths speeding up and my hand turns clammy and if possible, whiter on the doorknob.
What was Aiba thinking?! Did he really go through this door?!
I shut the door quickly, utterly confused. Aiba must be insane to jump off a building! Conclusion, this place is insane! I need to get out of here, now!
Frantically, I run to the doors, flinging them open in hope to find a way out. An abandoned cemetry, a madhouse, another steep drop down a building, a room that looks horribly like an execution room, a narrow room where two people are in the middle of a gun-fight (I barely close the door in time before a bullet flies towards me), another cemetry… I run aimlessly about, opening and shutting doors at random.
Before I know it, I found myself back where I’ve started… Aiba’s door. I lean against the door and slide down it, panting. Why is it that every door in this corridor brings me to somewhere that just looks, wrong?
The doorknob of the door that Aiba went through jiggles slightly. I quickly scramble up and jump aside. Suddenly, the door opens and Sho-kun strides through the door that Aiba-chan had just walked out of.
The 20th floor of TBS.
My mouth hangs open stupidly. What insanity is this?
I peer through the door and instead of the ghastly drop I was expecting, I see a perfectly normal room on the other side.
The News Zero studio.
“Ohh!” Sho cries out when he bumps into me. “Nino-chan?”
I stare back, dumbfounded. I blink several times.
“You can see me?” Somehow I find the need to wave my hand in front of his face.
Sho-kun laughs his usual laugh as he grabs my hand to stop it. “Of course I can!”
My brows knit into a frown. “Bu-but just now Aiba-ch-”
“-Ignored you? He knows where he’s going.”
“Huh? Sho-kun, I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“See this corridor?” He gestures at the length of the corridor that leads into the blackness.
“Yes…?”
“We come here when it’s the end of a path and we need to go to another... A bit like a path that leads to another forked path.” Sho says.
“Um okay…” I frown, trying to comprehend his words.
Sho-chan laughs at my frown. “It’s life.” He says. “We are constantly searching for the correct path to take.”
I find myself getting slightly irritable at Sho-chan’s philosophical analogies. “Sho-chan, can you talk in more literal terms?”
Sho-chan laughs louder this time. “There are no simpler terms, Nino-chan! Your heart leads you to the right door, and when it does, take it. Some find it faster than others, like Aiba-chan, while others get lost for a long time.”
“Like me.” I sulk. “I’m utterly lost. I don’t even know what this place is for while everyone else knows.”
“Some directions are harder to find. We all get lost sometimes. I’m waiting too.” Sho-chan smiles.
“But I-“
“Ahh!” Sho suddenly interrupts, a dorky grin spreading over his face, “I need to go now! I’ve found it!” And he leaves immediately.
"Eh!"
Flopping down onto the ground in defeat, I face the corridor and its two rows of doors.
More people come and go by the doors. I occasionally spot someone emerging from a door, scratching their head, before entering right back through another door or even the same door from which they came from. Some wave at me, while others totally ignore my presence, but interestingly, all the people walking between doors are people that I know.
I feel dizzy from watching all this movement for what felt like a few hours. Just as I am planning to get up and walk around randomly (nothing can be worse than sitting there and just watching people), I feel a strange tug coming from somewhere in the darkness of the corridor.
A magnetic attraction to a region where I cannot even see.
I start to walk towards it, eventually breaking into a run. Normally I consider myself to be rational; I don’t concede to strange supernatural forces pulling me towards random places.
But this time, it feels right, like it is an inborn quality in me to follow this pull.
It is tugging at my heart.
I follow it and find myself standing in front of a door as identical as the rest of the other doors along the corridor.
Grinning to myself again, I grab hold of the brass doorknob. Warmth spreads through my fingertips to every nerve in my body.
I don’t know what to expect when I open the door, but there’s something that tells me that it’s the right door.
I gingerly open the door.
*end
A/N: I know what you're thinking! "Eh! What in the world was that...?!" Haha! Sorry! It had to be that way because Nino is very confused about life (for reasons that I didn't really think of) and this was the best way I could illustrate it. I can guarantee that the emotions are all very genuine though, so it's not just me and my fantasies that came up with this but real emotions (:
Anyway, thank you for reading though this utterly failed fic. D': I'm not sure if I should even ask for comments this time but they are very very much appreciated as usual! ^^
Pairings: Slight Ohmiya, generally Nino-centric
Rating: PG-13
Beta: fel93
Genre: Psycological?
Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not mine
Summary: Venture into the mind of a troubled soul...; if you find it confusing, it's because he's more confused than you are.
A/N: There isn't much viewing pleasure for this fic, because it is rather plotless. ): It's more of an exploration of emotions from the first person perspective, hence it can get very hard to understand or incoherent. Words from my wonderful beta, fel93, who encouraged me to post this: "This fic won't appeal to people who are not in the mood to think" haha.
It was really interesting to write such a no-holds-barred kind of fic though!
- The surface of the water
“Hello Nino-chan!” a chirpy voice greets me from the other side of the door.
My bandmates are littered all over the room, Oh-chan reading a fishing magazine, Sho-kun the newspaper and Jun-kun the meeting notes needed for the recording of Himitsu no Arashi-chan later on. Aiba-chan is looking sharply at me, holding a deck of cards.
“You told me that you were going to show me your latest trick!” Aiba whines, shuffling the cards in his hands.
I rearrange my features, grinning, I pull my sleeves up. “All right, Aiba-chan! I’ll make your eyes fall off in amazement with my latest trick!”
- Into the depths
I’m in a dark, dingy room. A cellar of sorts.
“Hello…?” Trying not to choke on the cold air, I call out uncertainly. No one answers, but from the corner of the room I sense movement. “Hello?” I repeat, frowning. “Anyone there…?”
The movement grows more flurried, until the ground trembles and something from the corner of the room growls. The creature. Clouds of dust rise from the ground and a bitingly cold draft blows into the room. I find myself unconsciously shivering.
It's just from the cold, though.
*
- When it reaches the sea
Ohno wraps his arms around me, his long fingers intertwining with my own short ones. His warmth spread through my body and, for a fleeting moment, I forget. I forget about any creatures in the room.
“You can do it, if you try.” He smiles, the edges of his eyes wrinkling as his eyes twinkles. I smile. I love his warmth; his sweetness engulfs me like the rays of a sun on the coldest of winter days, without fail. But I pull away from him slightly harshly, shoving him away, flinching at his hurt expression. The image of Oh-chan disappears.
Who says I’m not trying? I want to shout, but I can’t. I’m the one who says that I’m not trying. I want to try, I always do. But I don’t. Letting myself sink into Oh-chan’s embrace only hides me from the monster.
While I hide behind the wall of his embrace, the thing sniggers. Because it is still there, and it grows with procrastination.
The monster’s icy breath, so unlike Oh-chan’s, brushes against my pale cheek. I can’t escape it. It’s not that I don’t want to run away.
It’s because it’s far too strong.
*
No- I’m far too weak. It feeds on my weakness, on my disability to annihilate it. And so it grows. Jun knows. I’ve mentioned the creature to Jun before. He says that if once I break free of the chains, I can fight it.
I look back at him sceptically.
Running away is easier.
*
I don’t understand anything, I don’t know what’s the best course of action to take… every road is just wrong, wrong, wrong and dead ends come more often than straight paths.
My path is like a river, narrow at first, a single channel. Then it widens. It branches out everywhere. It spreads everywhere, like a disease. Sometimes it floods. For me, it’s like a perpetual flood. Until it reaches the sea, and there’s no way to salvage my already dismal situation.
I laugh inwardly. Dismal seems like a serious understatement. But right now I’m panicking. I’m awfully close to the river mouth and, even though I’m weak and I succumb too much and I hardly fight and… I don’t want to lose just yet.
But I’m not fighting either.
*
IV. The signposts
I am at the head of a long corridor which stretches so far that it gave the impression that it vanishes into thin air. There were doors everywhere, on either side of the corridor. Identical doors.
I walk forward slowly and gingerly touch the first doorknob. Before I can press down on its brass surface, the door bursts open from the inside. I leap away from the door in shock before
a tall and slim figure bounds out. A figure with honey-coloured hair.
“Aiba-chan!” I gasp.
Aiba-chan ignores me, as though I am not there at all. He bounces along the corridor, away from me. I give chase, yelling his name.
“Aiba-chan! Aiba-chan, hey! Wait up…!”
“Aiba-cha- oof!“ Aiba-chan suddenly stops, and I crash head first into him. I fall, hard, onto the cold floor but Aiba-chan seems unaffected. He doesn’t even seem to feel the impact of our crash.
I watch Aiba-chan put a hand on his chin, as though contemplating something. All of a sudden, he approaches a door and throws it open, jumping into whatever is on the other side. The door shuts in my face. I stand there for a moment in front of the door, stunned.
Clamouring up, I throw open the same door, determined to follow Aiba. If I follow him, I believe I’ll get out of here, so I lift up a foot to step over the threshold, and stop myself just in time, because one more step forward, and I would have found myself plunging down a building.
The view from the open door looks horribly like the one from the window of the TBS building.
The 20th floor.
I hear my breaths speeding up and my hand turns clammy and if possible, whiter on the doorknob.
What was Aiba thinking?! Did he really go through this door?!
I shut the door quickly, utterly confused. Aiba must be insane to jump off a building! Conclusion, this place is insane! I need to get out of here, now!
Frantically, I run to the doors, flinging them open in hope to find a way out. An abandoned cemetry, a madhouse, another steep drop down a building, a room that looks horribly like an execution room, a narrow room where two people are in the middle of a gun-fight (I barely close the door in time before a bullet flies towards me), another cemetry… I run aimlessly about, opening and shutting doors at random.
Before I know it, I found myself back where I’ve started… Aiba’s door. I lean against the door and slide down it, panting. Why is it that every door in this corridor brings me to somewhere that just looks, wrong?
The doorknob of the door that Aiba went through jiggles slightly. I quickly scramble up and jump aside. Suddenly, the door opens and Sho-kun strides through the door that Aiba-chan had just walked out of.
The 20th floor of TBS.
My mouth hangs open stupidly. What insanity is this?
I peer through the door and instead of the ghastly drop I was expecting, I see a perfectly normal room on the other side.
The News Zero studio.
“Ohh!” Sho cries out when he bumps into me. “Nino-chan?”
I stare back, dumbfounded. I blink several times.
“You can see me?” Somehow I find the need to wave my hand in front of his face.
Sho-kun laughs his usual laugh as he grabs my hand to stop it. “Of course I can!”
My brows knit into a frown. “Bu-but just now Aiba-ch-”
“-Ignored you? He knows where he’s going.”
“Huh? Sho-kun, I have no idea what you are talking about.”
“See this corridor?” He gestures at the length of the corridor that leads into the blackness.
“Yes…?”
“We come here when it’s the end of a path and we need to go to another... A bit like a path that leads to another forked path.” Sho says.
“Um okay…” I frown, trying to comprehend his words.
Sho-chan laughs at my frown. “It’s life.” He says. “We are constantly searching for the correct path to take.”
I find myself getting slightly irritable at Sho-chan’s philosophical analogies. “Sho-chan, can you talk in more literal terms?”
Sho-chan laughs louder this time. “There are no simpler terms, Nino-chan! Your heart leads you to the right door, and when it does, take it. Some find it faster than others, like Aiba-chan, while others get lost for a long time.”
“Like me.” I sulk. “I’m utterly lost. I don’t even know what this place is for while everyone else knows.”
“Some directions are harder to find. We all get lost sometimes. I’m waiting too.” Sho-chan smiles.
“But I-“
“Ahh!” Sho suddenly interrupts, a dorky grin spreading over his face, “I need to go now! I’ve found it!” And he leaves immediately.
"Eh!"
Flopping down onto the ground in defeat, I face the corridor and its two rows of doors.
More people come and go by the doors. I occasionally spot someone emerging from a door, scratching their head, before entering right back through another door or even the same door from which they came from. Some wave at me, while others totally ignore my presence, but interestingly, all the people walking between doors are people that I know.
I feel dizzy from watching all this movement for what felt like a few hours. Just as I am planning to get up and walk around randomly (nothing can be worse than sitting there and just watching people), I feel a strange tug coming from somewhere in the darkness of the corridor.
A magnetic attraction to a region where I cannot even see.
I start to walk towards it, eventually breaking into a run. Normally I consider myself to be rational; I don’t concede to strange supernatural forces pulling me towards random places.
But this time, it feels right, like it is an inborn quality in me to follow this pull.
It is tugging at my heart.
I follow it and find myself standing in front of a door as identical as the rest of the other doors along the corridor.
Grinning to myself again, I grab hold of the brass doorknob. Warmth spreads through my fingertips to every nerve in my body.
I don’t know what to expect when I open the door, but there’s something that tells me that it’s the right door.
I gingerly open the door.
*end
A/N: I know what you're thinking! "Eh! What in the world was that...?!" Haha! Sorry! It had to be that way because Nino is very confused about life (for reasons that I didn't really think of) and this was the best way I could illustrate it. I can guarantee that the emotions are all very genuine though, so it's not just me and my fantasies that came up with this but real emotions (:
Anyway, thank you for reading though this utterly failed fic. D': I'm not sure if I should even ask for comments this time but they are very very much appreciated as usual! ^^