first bad day in a long time~
today... was a bad day. I had a bad day... and it still isn't over... and i don't really want to talk to peoples either... sorry, even though i know you guys can make me feel better, i don't think i should show that i'm online...
one of my best friends (who will remain unnamed...) was supposed to come over my house today at around 8 in the morning and hang out with me for the rest of the day (4pm), but they never showed... I was reading Harry Potter again, number 4, and napping... all day... which for me (the sleeping part) when i do it that much... it's a major sign of depression~ don't ever let me sleep unless you know i did something like exercise before hand... you MUST keep me awake at all cost...
i'll try to explain the sleeping/depression problem... in my subconscience, i think that if i sleep i can get away from my problems, so i'll take a two to three hour nap and try to get up again, but fall asleep...hence my grades slipping last year...(hopes this doesn't reoccur...)
but yeah, they didn't show up... and they didn't call... and i called their house once...and no one picked up... i don't know what this means... but ...yeah
and my dad was on the comp all day hogging the internet... so i couldn't start my homework... so yeah, i have an essay to do too... great...hopefully i can get it done and sleep...
and i haven't been hungry all day, but my mother keeps trying to feed me... like for lunch, i had a hot dog...one, and she kept bothering me to eat another... but i didn't want to, so she made me...and now it's dinner time and my dad yelled at me during my first few bites of salad and now i don't want the salad or the other food... i don't even want the half a can of soda that i have... i'm forcing myself to drink it, cause i know i'll get dehydrated... because of all the crying........
i haven't been outside all day, and i think it got to me around 6pm when i demanded to be taken to walmart so i could buy myself an umbrella so i don't get wet due to mass storms!!! not that i don't love the rain, i do, i've been waiting for it to rain for such a long time that you don't even know, but i need to stay dry so i don't get sick, because people don't like a sick person...so yeah anyways...
i think part of my problem is that i don't have a way to venting or releasing my anger... even this isn't going to help me... i just wish i could swim again, that was the best time for me, because when i swim, i forget everything that is bad in the world and i only think about how fast i'm moving through the water, concetrating on each stroke that i take, pulling myself further and further. i guess it's my way of running away from my problem, but hey it made me feel so great inside... i think that's way i take way long showers... i miss the water...i feel so close to it when it's running over me, like it's with me... i suppose you all think i'm crazy... maybe, but at least i know what can make me feel better, although i can't take a shower tonight, i'll wait till tomorrow and wash away all my pains and tears from my heart...
suppose it's getting late, and i do have homework...upid essay thingy... bleh, i'll trudge through it...
one of my best friends (who will remain unnamed...) was supposed to come over my house today at around 8 in the morning and hang out with me for the rest of the day (4pm), but they never showed... I was reading Harry Potter again, number 4, and napping... all day... which for me (the sleeping part) when i do it that much... it's a major sign of depression~ don't ever let me sleep unless you know i did something like exercise before hand... you MUST keep me awake at all cost...
i'll try to explain the sleeping/depression problem... in my subconscience, i think that if i sleep i can get away from my problems, so i'll take a two to three hour nap and try to get up again, but fall asleep...hence my grades slipping last year...(hopes this doesn't reoccur...)
but yeah, they didn't show up... and they didn't call... and i called their house once...and no one picked up... i don't know what this means... but ...yeah
and my dad was on the comp all day hogging the internet... so i couldn't start my homework... so yeah, i have an essay to do too... great...hopefully i can get it done and sleep...
and i haven't been hungry all day, but my mother keeps trying to feed me... like for lunch, i had a hot dog...one, and she kept bothering me to eat another... but i didn't want to, so she made me...and now it's dinner time and my dad yelled at me during my first few bites of salad and now i don't want the salad or the other food... i don't even want the half a can of soda that i have... i'm forcing myself to drink it, cause i know i'll get dehydrated... because of all the crying........
i haven't been outside all day, and i think it got to me around 6pm when i demanded to be taken to walmart so i could buy myself an umbrella so i don't get wet due to mass storms!!! not that i don't love the rain, i do, i've been waiting for it to rain for such a long time that you don't even know, but i need to stay dry so i don't get sick, because people don't like a sick person...so yeah anyways...
i think part of my problem is that i don't have a way to venting or releasing my anger... even this isn't going to help me... i just wish i could swim again, that was the best time for me, because when i swim, i forget everything that is bad in the world and i only think about how fast i'm moving through the water, concetrating on each stroke that i take, pulling myself further and further. i guess it's my way of running away from my problem, but hey it made me feel so great inside... i think that's way i take way long showers... i miss the water...i feel so close to it when it's running over me, like it's with me... i suppose you all think i'm crazy... maybe, but at least i know what can make me feel better, although i can't take a shower tonight, i'll wait till tomorrow and wash away all my pains and tears from my heart...
suppose it's getting late, and i do have homework...upid essay thingy... bleh, i'll trudge through it...