here me am!
k, i've had a lot to deal with the past week, i had to pay for people for expo. those of you who i did pay for... pay me back! or else! i'll come after you... and not because i want to huggle you! ^^ -.-
in total i should receive $180.... because now ray owes me $40 instead of $35 cause i couldn't get the money in on time, and they sent it earlier than when they said they would... i know i know i kinda screwed up... but i can put yours and nathan's with the next batch, and it's $40 instead of $35 not that much more... still... i'm sorry
and then there were finals... they went fine,i did better than i expected i would..., cept i still have to write and email my last final to my english teacher... bleh! i know, get it done! get it done!... i hate writing assignments... -.- argh ¬_¬ newaz
and now i have to work like almost every day! so not fair, those were my days off! argh! but i want the money, so i won't tell them anything... -.- upid paradox... oh well
and i barely get to talk to jon, cause he's only on in the afternoon, and i have to work then -.- and my dad had a fit when he caught kelsey and i calling him on my dad's phone... it's not like we were paying for it... it's just... dad= "you don't know him, he could be a stalker.... blah blah blah..." whatever i don't care...i'm not going to oregon...at least not by myself, and i don't meet people by myself, for example =ray, i took grace with me to meet him, see, i'm careful... that right ray, you're the stalker... newaz... like you've ever had that much interest in me ever.
and nathan started to talk to me again, or rather i started to talk to him again... it's hard sometime to talk to him, because i don't know what he wants from me, and i don't think he'll ever really care about me that way again... but i do know that we're still best friends, but that we can't be more than that. not that i want to be... i want, atleast, to fall in love with someone else to prove to myself that there are other people out there, because the only one that i have ever loved was him, and if i'm not shown that someone else can care about me as much as he once did, then there will always be a part of me that will want to return to him, despite all else. I know this sounds stupid to some of you, but think about it, if you were loved by someone, despite they knew all your worse qualities and your good and they always wanted to spend time with you and be with you and hold you in their arm, then it's worth it; something that you don't want to give up, even if they're hurt you in the past, it still remains that you love them. I guess it kind of sounds stupid, but isn't it kind of true in a weird way? i know most of you are thinking that him hurting me once meant that he was no good for me... but if he never hurt me, that would be too prefect. And no, i'm not trying to justify us getting back together, because that will never happen, nor would i want it too. I'm just commenting on something i have learned about pain and love, at least that's what i was aiming for...
But yes i am looking for someone new... i mean i like having someone to depend on, but i don't need that, i'm fine on my own, but it is something nice.
I miss my friends! i only one i've been able to see is kelsey! i wuv her so much, but i still miss everyone else! (hints= kitsu & neko) i miss you guys! i want us to go to camelot together on tuesday! and then sleep over someone's house, probly kitsu's. yes! stuff!!!!!
oh yeah, and yay for online banking! helps a lot! newaz... -.- uh.. uh... umm... yeah... i... ok done!
in total i should receive $180.... because now ray owes me $40 instead of $35 cause i couldn't get the money in on time, and they sent it earlier than when they said they would... i know i know i kinda screwed up... but i can put yours and nathan's with the next batch, and it's $40 instead of $35 not that much more... still... i'm sorry
and then there were finals... they went fine,i did better than i expected i would..., cept i still have to write and email my last final to my english teacher... bleh! i know, get it done! get it done!... i hate writing assignments... -.- argh ¬_¬ newaz
and now i have to work like almost every day! so not fair, those were my days off! argh! but i want the money, so i won't tell them anything... -.- upid paradox... oh well
and i barely get to talk to jon, cause he's only on in the afternoon, and i have to work then -.- and my dad had a fit when he caught kelsey and i calling him on my dad's phone... it's not like we were paying for it... it's just... dad= "you don't know him, he could be a stalker.... blah blah blah..." whatever i don't care...i'm not going to oregon...at least not by myself, and i don't meet people by myself, for example =ray, i took grace with me to meet him, see, i'm careful... that right ray, you're the stalker... newaz... like you've ever had that much interest in me ever.
and nathan started to talk to me again, or rather i started to talk to him again... it's hard sometime to talk to him, because i don't know what he wants from me, and i don't think he'll ever really care about me that way again... but i do know that we're still best friends, but that we can't be more than that. not that i want to be... i want, atleast, to fall in love with someone else to prove to myself that there are other people out there, because the only one that i have ever loved was him, and if i'm not shown that someone else can care about me as much as he once did, then there will always be a part of me that will want to return to him, despite all else. I know this sounds stupid to some of you, but think about it, if you were loved by someone, despite they knew all your worse qualities and your good and they always wanted to spend time with you and be with you and hold you in their arm, then it's worth it; something that you don't want to give up, even if they're hurt you in the past, it still remains that you love them. I guess it kind of sounds stupid, but isn't it kind of true in a weird way? i know most of you are thinking that him hurting me once meant that he was no good for me... but if he never hurt me, that would be too prefect. And no, i'm not trying to justify us getting back together, because that will never happen, nor would i want it too. I'm just commenting on something i have learned about pain and love, at least that's what i was aiming for...
But yes i am looking for someone new... i mean i like having someone to depend on, but i don't need that, i'm fine on my own, but it is something nice.
I miss my friends! i only one i've been able to see is kelsey! i wuv her so much, but i still miss everyone else! (hints= kitsu & neko) i miss you guys! i want us to go to camelot together on tuesday! and then sleep over someone's house, probly kitsu's. yes! stuff!!!!!
oh yeah, and yay for online banking! helps a lot! newaz... -.- uh.. uh... umm... yeah... i... ok done!