what a week.
Sickness and sadness gripped my thoughts (and nose and throat) for the most part this week.
I went to a funeral on Tuesday for one of my good friends from college who died on November 7th. Or rather, he was killed on Nov. 7th.
Murdered. Shot in the chest, and left dead on the side of the freeway. (Can you tell im still angry about this?)
He was a good friend while I was in college, though we admittedly went our separate ways after that, for the most part. I mean, I saw him around at parties.. we hung out a couple times... but gone were the days of our really close friendship. Nobody knows the circumstances surrounding his murder, suffice it to say that he made a phone call before he left the bar where he was to say he was leaving..and he left, but he never arrived.
I found out about him on the Fox 11 10 o'clock news on Monday the 11th. I was playing guitar, with the TV on softly in the background, and all I knew was they were talking about some shooting in Torrance. Happens every day. See it on the news every day. EVERY day they talk about death, to such a point that I guess it doesn't even register on my mental richter scale... Until they tossed his photo up there, and showed some footage of the tearful commentary from his mom and dad.
And even then, i only caught a few seconds of the tail end of a news clip, and I didn't REALLY believe it.
"Nah." I say to myself. "It's obviously a mistake. Mikey can take care of himself."
Ah. But inside, buried in the depths of subconscious... I can feel the peripheral edginess that only comes from trying to lie to yourself about something, like it didn't happen. You know something's wrong. Your spidey-senses are tingling. You know the truth. You know damn well what the news said. But still,you grasp on to the slim thread of chance that it hadn't happened. I mean, after all.. The TV volume was down pretty low... I only caught the last few seconds of the story.. There could be any number of explanations... maybe he just got arrested or something.
Yeah. Well. The following saturday I was contacted by my friends about the memorial service, which pretty much laid waste to my denial. Even then, I was strangely distanced from the situation... until tuesday, at the service. Cemetaries always seem to cast a somber pall across any occasion, but in this case the mood was especially poignant, owing to that fact that we'd all been there exactly 6 months earlier for the service of Mikey's younger brother, who was killed similarly. It was nice to see a lot of friends whom I hadn't seen in a while, but for the regrettable circumstances. It was a diffcult service to be sure, but the only part that really made me cry was seeing mikey's parents, there in the front pew, saying goodbye to another son.
I was sick enough on friday that I called in sick to work, feeling better now.. but still have a bit of a head cold.
Then tonight, one of my friends called (not really a close friend, but from a totally different circle of friends, and I haven't seen her in years), talking about suicide, and how she just wanted it all to end... One of those calls that takes you totally by surprise... You aren't sure how serious they are, and you don't know what to say, and a life could be hanging in the balance. She's been like this before, but this time after talking and trying to diffuse her tension, she was more open to the notion that she needs more significant help than what I can provide. I think it ended positively, and yet i feel both honored and somewhat resentful that it had to be my phone that rang. But it was, and thus i have to deal with life as it happens.
Yeah, so.. long week. it's time to shake this cold.. so I think I probably won't do so much this weekend...but we'll see. :)
we'll miss ya, mikey.
I went to a funeral on Tuesday for one of my good friends from college who died on November 7th. Or rather, he was killed on Nov. 7th.
Murdered. Shot in the chest, and left dead on the side of the freeway. (Can you tell im still angry about this?)
He was a good friend while I was in college, though we admittedly went our separate ways after that, for the most part. I mean, I saw him around at parties.. we hung out a couple times... but gone were the days of our really close friendship. Nobody knows the circumstances surrounding his murder, suffice it to say that he made a phone call before he left the bar where he was to say he was leaving..and he left, but he never arrived.
I found out about him on the Fox 11 10 o'clock news on Monday the 11th. I was playing guitar, with the TV on softly in the background, and all I knew was they were talking about some shooting in Torrance. Happens every day. See it on the news every day. EVERY day they talk about death, to such a point that I guess it doesn't even register on my mental richter scale... Until they tossed his photo up there, and showed some footage of the tearful commentary from his mom and dad.
And even then, i only caught a few seconds of the tail end of a news clip, and I didn't REALLY believe it.
"Nah." I say to myself. "It's obviously a mistake. Mikey can take care of himself."
Ah. But inside, buried in the depths of subconscious... I can feel the peripheral edginess that only comes from trying to lie to yourself about something, like it didn't happen. You know something's wrong. Your spidey-senses are tingling. You know the truth. You know damn well what the news said. But still,you grasp on to the slim thread of chance that it hadn't happened. I mean, after all.. The TV volume was down pretty low... I only caught the last few seconds of the story.. There could be any number of explanations... maybe he just got arrested or something.
Yeah. Well. The following saturday I was contacted by my friends about the memorial service, which pretty much laid waste to my denial. Even then, I was strangely distanced from the situation... until tuesday, at the service. Cemetaries always seem to cast a somber pall across any occasion, but in this case the mood was especially poignant, owing to that fact that we'd all been there exactly 6 months earlier for the service of Mikey's younger brother, who was killed similarly. It was nice to see a lot of friends whom I hadn't seen in a while, but for the regrettable circumstances. It was a diffcult service to be sure, but the only part that really made me cry was seeing mikey's parents, there in the front pew, saying goodbye to another son.
I was sick enough on friday that I called in sick to work, feeling better now.. but still have a bit of a head cold.
Then tonight, one of my friends called (not really a close friend, but from a totally different circle of friends, and I haven't seen her in years), talking about suicide, and how she just wanted it all to end... One of those calls that takes you totally by surprise... You aren't sure how serious they are, and you don't know what to say, and a life could be hanging in the balance. She's been like this before, but this time after talking and trying to diffuse her tension, she was more open to the notion that she needs more significant help than what I can provide. I think it ended positively, and yet i feel both honored and somewhat resentful that it had to be my phone that rang. But it was, and thus i have to deal with life as it happens.
Yeah, so.. long week. it's time to shake this cold.. so I think I probably won't do so much this weekend...but we'll see. :)
we'll miss ya, mikey.
