End of this chapter
Dear *,
This is goodbye, even though you won't know it. You've had your use of me and it is now time for me to make my exit. How I wish you would ask me to stay, although I know the thought won't cross your mind. You'll take your things and walk out of my life and maybe someday we will pass on the streets as strangers. I want to tell you everything, about how miserable you make me and how much your voice burns my heart, about how you made me feel wanted and beautiful and how your absence has broken me. Denial is a strange thing, I have come to realize, and sometimes wanting something so badly makes one believe illusions instead of reality. I know now that you were an illusion and what I meant to you was fabricated in my mind. A connection I felt so deeply in reality was simply convenience. My friendship and company was simply convenient and I am started to question whether or not you even know what it is to be a good friend, since you certainly do not entertain such a notion in your relationship with me. I fear that you mistook my kindness, generosity and overall good nature for gullibility and blind obedience. It hurts me to my core to turn my back on you but I just can't play these games anymore. What I felt for you was real and will remain with me in times to come. There is too much that I want to say to you but too little that I think you will understand. The thing about me that I think you never did or will understand is that I care deeply, I love deeply and I hurt deeply. I will forever be thankful for the time we spent together, the closure that you in turn brought to my previous heartache and for making me realize that I need more than you can give me. In return, I wish you only what you deserve.
L
This is goodbye, even though you won't know it. You've had your use of me and it is now time for me to make my exit. How I wish you would ask me to stay, although I know the thought won't cross your mind. You'll take your things and walk out of my life and maybe someday we will pass on the streets as strangers. I want to tell you everything, about how miserable you make me and how much your voice burns my heart, about how you made me feel wanted and beautiful and how your absence has broken me. Denial is a strange thing, I have come to realize, and sometimes wanting something so badly makes one believe illusions instead of reality. I know now that you were an illusion and what I meant to you was fabricated in my mind. A connection I felt so deeply in reality was simply convenience. My friendship and company was simply convenient and I am started to question whether or not you even know what it is to be a good friend, since you certainly do not entertain such a notion in your relationship with me. I fear that you mistook my kindness, generosity and overall good nature for gullibility and blind obedience. It hurts me to my core to turn my back on you but I just can't play these games anymore. What I felt for you was real and will remain with me in times to come. There is too much that I want to say to you but too little that I think you will understand. The thing about me that I think you never did or will understand is that I care deeply, I love deeply and I hurt deeply. I will forever be thankful for the time we spent together, the closure that you in turn brought to my previous heartache and for making me realize that I need more than you can give me. In return, I wish you only what you deserve.
L