doesn't anyone stay in one place anymore?
i feel like bleeding. i feel so lost. i feel, nothing really right now, emotional dribble that i'd rather free myself of. and i guess that's why i come here when i feel like this - there's something extrememly impowering about being able to type so quicky that you don't even know what you're saying anymore. and i'm not saying that i don't know, but i guess that i hope i finish this entry before i have any regrets. i've been really tired lately. and i've been seeing friends that i'll never be friends with again. and i wonder if people have an easy time moving on. if it's natural to simply ease in and out of friendships like loose pants on a cold day. i've been doing a lot of poetry lately - songwriting about pseudo astray situations that look a lot more attractive under low light than no light at all. and i guess that's the type of person i'm becoming. the low light girl. i mean, i hate spotlight and i hate darkness, but some sutble sensation inbetween. i want to have sex backstage by lowlight.
and the more and more i see the backstages of venues not as a visitor but as a preformer, the more and more i become scared of what i'm becoming. i become scared and excited and i wonder if all this emotional didcation is all going to randomly combust in front of me, one day, when i'm walking down the street and not paying attention. all i want to do is speak louder than the mindlessness that i've become quick content with (did i just say that?)
i've got my secrets, don't we all. i'm just trying to figure out where to put mine...
i think that i've hurt a beautiful person and i wouldn't even want to kick her off her pedistal. but i love her. she probably has no idea who she is. but she's going to read this.
and the more and more i see the backstages of venues not as a visitor but as a preformer, the more and more i become scared of what i'm becoming. i become scared and excited and i wonder if all this emotional didcation is all going to randomly combust in front of me, one day, when i'm walking down the street and not paying attention. all i want to do is speak louder than the mindlessness that i've become quick content with (did i just say that?)
i've got my secrets, don't we all. i'm just trying to figure out where to put mine...
i think that i've hurt a beautiful person and i wouldn't even want to kick her off her pedistal. but i love her. she probably has no idea who she is. but she's going to read this.