(no subject)
look at that. i am alive. and that's about the most process i've made. which is quite remarkable considering. what are the chances? either way, that's just techno-babble, stuff that comes out that i'm not really feeling, but it still manages to come out because my hands often move much quicker than my brain. and as i jump into the large and boundless contemporary education of fine arts (often considered tradition, although it's turing out to be nothing of the sorts)... i start to figure out that i often do use my hands before my brain. is it some primative reaction to the nerve impulses that i havent yet got the power to control? should i be able to control my actions? on some levels - the most basic and human ones - yes. but on another level, maybe wrapping my mind around this concept of thought before action is very much limitless, especailly in the arts feild. does that make sense to anyone except me? i'm sure it doesnt, simply because my hands are moving much faster than my brain.
or maybe i'm just tired. i spend a large portion of my night writing and playing guitar. and it's something that only now, in my memory, strikes me as completely beautiful. there's no asethetic definition for this beauty, because i never realized it in the process. and i've been slowing betting money on that concept. i guess that i've found that in art, like writing and music and drama and so forth, prettiness never gets you far. it's often the unusual (and by consequence, socailly ugly) that gets the second look. i guess that i've really started to actualize my understanding of "nothing that is beautiful can be understood at one glance".
and that's where i rest right now, getting used to blinking lights and fast cars and trains and food that doesnt come as dried or powder. city life is scarying more now than ever. i don't feel safe on these streets. city night life used to ingulf me and nurture me in a way that i cannot relate to or understand any more. i've also been meeting people that have only, until very recently, been ghost figures. it's weird, to articulate, in the most basic sense. but i know that my highschool life and all that represented for me is a past life. all the people that were once there are now ghosts in a very distant history tale. they are still there in a way, because the life i was once part of is still functioning. but in my visual memory, they form ghost-like characters and whatsnots. and i guess the life that i'm entering is a future life - all those characters are still in ghost form. but the more and more i go to this new place, the more and more these people take shape. they form something tangible. they make sense.
and i guess we're all searching for sense, coherence and whats nots.
on other news, i'm going to be recording some more. i'm heading into do some studio work on four new songs, and that should be exciting. even if they're songs that i can never sing on key because of some weird emotional value. but we'll see where that goes. everything looks beautiful in music now. ive missed it. ive gained a lot of strength over the summer, even if it's only the improvement that looks real in my head. i've fallen in love with so many things. and i don't know where to go from here. all i know is how to go and i'm going to go do that. i don't want to bring anyone down. because i'm very happy right now.
i dunno if anyone reads this anymore, after a few months of not really being around. but if you do, id apprecaite a comment or two. just to see how you are.
or maybe i'm just tired. i spend a large portion of my night writing and playing guitar. and it's something that only now, in my memory, strikes me as completely beautiful. there's no asethetic definition for this beauty, because i never realized it in the process. and i've been slowing betting money on that concept. i guess that i've found that in art, like writing and music and drama and so forth, prettiness never gets you far. it's often the unusual (and by consequence, socailly ugly) that gets the second look. i guess that i've really started to actualize my understanding of "nothing that is beautiful can be understood at one glance".
and that's where i rest right now, getting used to blinking lights and fast cars and trains and food that doesnt come as dried or powder. city life is scarying more now than ever. i don't feel safe on these streets. city night life used to ingulf me and nurture me in a way that i cannot relate to or understand any more. i've also been meeting people that have only, until very recently, been ghost figures. it's weird, to articulate, in the most basic sense. but i know that my highschool life and all that represented for me is a past life. all the people that were once there are now ghosts in a very distant history tale. they are still there in a way, because the life i was once part of is still functioning. but in my visual memory, they form ghost-like characters and whatsnots. and i guess the life that i'm entering is a future life - all those characters are still in ghost form. but the more and more i go to this new place, the more and more these people take shape. they form something tangible. they make sense.
and i guess we're all searching for sense, coherence and whats nots.
on other news, i'm going to be recording some more. i'm heading into do some studio work on four new songs, and that should be exciting. even if they're songs that i can never sing on key because of some weird emotional value. but we'll see where that goes. everything looks beautiful in music now. ive missed it. ive gained a lot of strength over the summer, even if it's only the improvement that looks real in my head. i've fallen in love with so many things. and i don't know where to go from here. all i know is how to go and i'm going to go do that. i don't want to bring anyone down. because i'm very happy right now.
i dunno if anyone reads this anymore, after a few months of not really being around. but if you do, id apprecaite a comment or two. just to see how you are.