(the prooblem with wearing your heart on your sleeve)
i've got my auf der maur face on, little elaborate tangents of a bigger song - inperfections of something of something that i've been creating for quite a while. i can't even hear the faintest whispers of that song, or what it represents (or how the symoblism will evolve in the next few years)... but it's only recently that i've started to feel the song within the finest capillaries of my body. it's there, and it's raging and i need to do something constructive with all this frustration and all this passion. i wonder if the fact that it's there justifies myself enough until i find a constructive medium to articluate myself in.. i need to write myself into the finest grain of the world. fucking eh. i think i'm going crazy, slowly, more extreme and more intense with each passing day that i have to sit in a place that people don't want to be, create a life that i can't even begin to see myself living in and block the world out. i mean, the mind control is not steep here, but what we choose to learn certainly is.
i think i'm fighing with a lot of frustrations right now, towards people and towards events and towards things that have begun happening that shouldnt be happening. a few people know what this all means, if you don't, then it doesnt concern you and it doesnt really matter in the first place. but there are people out there, one of who i am certain will read this, that understands the ANGER AND PAIN i am feeling. if someone is stupid enough to break into my msn and talk to people i barely know and go through my email... that's wrong.
i don't know what i'm going to do. laugh out loud or lock myself in my room and cry. it's the indecisive aspect that makes life dangerous. it's the ambivalence that creates this illusive tug of war. head vrs heart. rational vrs radical. emotion vrs motion. i have unvailed the layers of myself - do not let the think white wash cover the fact that you cannot cut the canvas in half. only lately have i begun to face myself in the rawest form. i don't know what's opening this up to me, there aren't any specific people that have been moving me ... but just a combination of people and events and being somewhere where you can fall in love and then fall out of love so quickly. love will break me and it will break me good. and i don't know what to do about it...
tell myself never to love again? that's stupid. but then again, i'm a very stupid person.
i think i'm fighing with a lot of frustrations right now, towards people and towards events and towards things that have begun happening that shouldnt be happening. a few people know what this all means, if you don't, then it doesnt concern you and it doesnt really matter in the first place. but there are people out there, one of who i am certain will read this, that understands the ANGER AND PAIN i am feeling. if someone is stupid enough to break into my msn and talk to people i barely know and go through my email... that's wrong.
i don't know what i'm going to do. laugh out loud or lock myself in my room and cry. it's the indecisive aspect that makes life dangerous. it's the ambivalence that creates this illusive tug of war. head vrs heart. rational vrs radical. emotion vrs motion. i have unvailed the layers of myself - do not let the think white wash cover the fact that you cannot cut the canvas in half. only lately have i begun to face myself in the rawest form. i don't know what's opening this up to me, there aren't any specific people that have been moving me ... but just a combination of people and events and being somewhere where you can fall in love and then fall out of love so quickly. love will break me and it will break me good. and i don't know what to do about it...
tell myself never to love again? that's stupid. but then again, i'm a very stupid person.