I just don't really know...
A couple days ago I got a myspace message from this guy named Brandon who had been with Ryan when he visited WVU back in 2006. I had never talked to him after the visit, nor had we chatted.. So when he left me a message saying to call him when I got the message and that it was important, I did so. He didn't mention why in the message, but I figured it was a sign or that I was meant to call him. I hadn't checked my Myspace messages in a few days and that I just happened to check it two hours after this guy messages me sent up red flags about something being up...
Long story short, he told me that Ryan Winder had died. I'm still in denial and look at my AIM list 1/2-hoping -expecting to see his screenname online. I look at the "RIP Ryan Winder..." Facebook group and find myself rescanning the text to make certain I haven't misread. "Well, maybe it's another Ryan Winder..." I see his picture. There is no other Ryan Winder... :-(
For those of you who don't know, Ryan Winder was my first Real boyfriend. We dated starting back in February of 2006. We dated through July/August-ish when it became apparent that he and I had a very large distance between us and that not both of us wanted the relationship enough to keep going. After he and I broke up, I remained aloof for a while and he and I grew apart.
This year, or at least in the past few months, we talked a little bit, and I really kinda felt like we might become friends again...
I still have a scarf that he knit for me himself. It was the warmest thing ever that winter. Even into Spring, I'd wear it around my neck or carry it in my backpack. A time or two I feared I'd lost it and it was like I couldn't find my eyes or my nose. Luckily, I found it and still have it with me today.
I don't know everything surrounding his death, nor do I really know how to react to it... My biggest pains are for not mending things with him sooner and not ever really "getting to say goodbye." I mean, I suppose one never does properly get to say goodbye in a situation w/ a sudden death. But I don't know if he knew Everything about Us and how I felt and how I feel.
Ryan Winder, RIP. :-\
Long story short, he told me that Ryan Winder had died. I'm still in denial and look at my AIM list 1/2-hoping -expecting to see his screenname online. I look at the "RIP Ryan Winder..." Facebook group and find myself rescanning the text to make certain I haven't misread. "Well, maybe it's another Ryan Winder..." I see his picture. There is no other Ryan Winder... :-(
For those of you who don't know, Ryan Winder was my first Real boyfriend. We dated starting back in February of 2006. We dated through July/August-ish when it became apparent that he and I had a very large distance between us and that not both of us wanted the relationship enough to keep going. After he and I broke up, I remained aloof for a while and he and I grew apart.
This year, or at least in the past few months, we talked a little bit, and I really kinda felt like we might become friends again...
I still have a scarf that he knit for me himself. It was the warmest thing ever that winter. Even into Spring, I'd wear it around my neck or carry it in my backpack. A time or two I feared I'd lost it and it was like I couldn't find my eyes or my nose. Luckily, I found it and still have it with me today.
I don't know everything surrounding his death, nor do I really know how to react to it... My biggest pains are for not mending things with him sooner and not ever really "getting to say goodbye." I mean, I suppose one never does properly get to say goodbye in a situation w/ a sudden death. But I don't know if he knew Everything about Us and how I felt and how I feel.
Ryan Winder, RIP. :-\