In the end, we'll be making fairy tales
Oh man.
I'm sitting at home writing this... I can barely walk into my room, because half of my dorm room is here with me (the other half is already at the place I am subletting for the summer).
I really cannot believe that my junior year has come and gone. I feel as though I have done so much this year, that I have had so many successes and failures and just... craziness. I've done some things I'm not proud of, and some things that I'm extremely proud of. I've made some amazing friends, lost some friends, and brought some friends closer. I've dealt with uncomfortable situations both at home and at school, and have come to some pretty important realizations about myself and my future and all of that.
I'm trying to come to terms with several things right now. I'm about to embark on two difficult summer courses while holding down a full time job - one that I must really work at so that I can afford my share of the rent come September 1st. I am at a point where I really need to figure out some sort of life plan - where I have to decide if the things I love doing are really the things I should be doing for the rest of my life. Yes, money is not everything - and if I continue down the path that I am on, I will probably never make any sort of money and will have to live my life in five year blocks, always on the verge of losing everything I've worked for. Is it worth it? I don't know right now. Yes, what I do makes me happy. But is that enough? It should be, I know.
I need to start looking at graduate schools to apply to in the fall. I don't even know where to begin, I will admit. I really don't know how to do any of this. I had it easy, I applied to the University of Michigan because it was assumed I should - and yes, while I've had a great time so far, and cannot wait until next year - but that wasn't a hard choice for me to make. Now I'm faced with finding a new place to go, a choice that will definitely impact my future, so much more than most other choices I have made.
I don't know... if I am ready for all of this. Sometimes, I feel like I am so incredibly far behind everyone else. Like I'm just kind of floating along, letting others make the important decisions and do the the work for me; it's time for me to step up and take an active role in my future, and I don't feel as though I am ready for this "real world" business.
I suppose this sounds like whining, though I don't intend on it to sound that way. I really have it good right now, and I need to take a deep breath and look around me, really appreciate what I have. I have some amazing friends, a supportive family, and a wonderful boyfriend... and I know all of them (well, most of them) will be there for me no matter what. And that, I guess, should make me happy. But for some reason I'm not, really. It's weird. I guess I'm just afraid of letting everyone down. Sigh.
I'm trying to come to terms with several things right now. I'm about to embark on two difficult summer courses while holding down a full time job - one that I must really work at so that I can afford my share of the rent come September 1st. I am at a point where I really need to figure out some sort of life plan - where I have to decide if the things I love doing are really the things I should be doing for the rest of my life. Yes, money is not everything - and if I continue down the path that I am on, I will probably never make any sort of money and will have to live my life in five year blocks, always on the verge of losing everything I've worked for. Is it worth it? I don't know right now. Yes, what I do makes me happy. But is that enough? It should be, I know.
I need to start looking at graduate schools to apply to in the fall. I don't even know where to begin, I will admit. I really don't know how to do any of this. I had it easy, I applied to the University of Michigan because it was assumed I should - and yes, while I've had a great time so far, and cannot wait until next year - but that wasn't a hard choice for me to make. Now I'm faced with finding a new place to go, a choice that will definitely impact my future, so much more than most other choices I have made.
I don't know... if I am ready for all of this. Sometimes, I feel like I am so incredibly far behind everyone else. Like I'm just kind of floating along, letting others make the important decisions and do the the work for me; it's time for me to step up and take an active role in my future, and I don't feel as though I am ready for this "real world" business.
I suppose this sounds like whining, though I don't intend on it to sound that way. I really have it good right now, and I need to take a deep breath and look around me, really appreciate what I have. I have some amazing friends, a supportive family, and a wonderful boyfriend... and I know all of them (well, most of them) will be there for me no matter what. And that, I guess, should make me happy. But for some reason I'm not, really. It's weird. I guess I'm just afraid of letting everyone down. Sigh.
Anyway.
I'm going to try and enjoy the next little while at home. I really don't like being here, I'll admit. Well, I guess that is unfair. It's nice to be back, to see my family and to relax and all of that. I'm just bored (yes, already)... and disappointed with how things are here. I don't really have a connection with this place anymore (well I guess I never did), and I don't know anyone around here... oh well. I think I'm going to sign offline and do some fun reading. I haven't done enough of that this year.
I'm sitting at home writing this... I can barely walk into my room, because half of my dorm room is here with me (the other half is already at the place I am subletting for the summer).
I really cannot believe that my junior year has come and gone. I feel as though I have done so much this year, that I have had so many successes and failures and just... craziness. I've done some things I'm not proud of, and some things that I'm extremely proud of. I've made some amazing friends, lost some friends, and brought some friends closer. I've dealt with uncomfortable situations both at home and at school, and have come to some pretty important realizations about myself and my future and all of that.
I'm trying to come to terms with several things right now. I'm about to embark on two difficult summer courses while holding down a full time job - one that I must really work at so that I can afford my share of the rent come September 1st. I am at a point where I really need to figure out some sort of life plan - where I have to decide if the things I love doing are really the things I should be doing for the rest of my life. Yes, money is not everything - and if I continue down the path that I am on, I will probably never make any sort of money and will have to live my life in five year blocks, always on the verge of losing everything I've worked for. Is it worth it? I don't know right now. Yes, what I do makes me happy. But is that enough? It should be, I know.
I need to start looking at graduate schools to apply to in the fall. I don't even know where to begin, I will admit. I really don't know how to do any of this. I had it easy, I applied to the University of Michigan because it was assumed I should - and yes, while I've had a great time so far, and cannot wait until next year - but that wasn't a hard choice for me to make. Now I'm faced with finding a new place to go, a choice that will definitely impact my future, so much more than most other choices I have made.
I don't know... if I am ready for all of this. Sometimes, I feel like I am so incredibly far behind everyone else. Like I'm just kind of floating along, letting others make the important decisions and do the the work for me; it's time for me to step up and take an active role in my future, and I don't feel as though I am ready for this "real world" business.
I suppose this sounds like whining, though I don't intend on it to sound that way. I really have it good right now, and I need to take a deep breath and look around me, really appreciate what I have. I have some amazing friends, a supportive family, and a wonderful boyfriend... and I know all of them (well, most of them) will be there for me no matter what. And that, I guess, should make me happy. But for some reason I'm not, really. It's weird. I guess I'm just afraid of letting everyone down. Sigh.
I'm trying to come to terms with several things right now. I'm about to embark on two difficult summer courses while holding down a full time job - one that I must really work at so that I can afford my share of the rent come September 1st. I am at a point where I really need to figure out some sort of life plan - where I have to decide if the things I love doing are really the things I should be doing for the rest of my life. Yes, money is not everything - and if I continue down the path that I am on, I will probably never make any sort of money and will have to live my life in five year blocks, always on the verge of losing everything I've worked for. Is it worth it? I don't know right now. Yes, what I do makes me happy. But is that enough? It should be, I know.
I need to start looking at graduate schools to apply to in the fall. I don't even know where to begin, I will admit. I really don't know how to do any of this. I had it easy, I applied to the University of Michigan because it was assumed I should - and yes, while I've had a great time so far, and cannot wait until next year - but that wasn't a hard choice for me to make. Now I'm faced with finding a new place to go, a choice that will definitely impact my future, so much more than most other choices I have made.
I don't know... if I am ready for all of this. Sometimes, I feel like I am so incredibly far behind everyone else. Like I'm just kind of floating along, letting others make the important decisions and do the the work for me; it's time for me to step up and take an active role in my future, and I don't feel as though I am ready for this "real world" business.
I suppose this sounds like whining, though I don't intend on it to sound that way. I really have it good right now, and I need to take a deep breath and look around me, really appreciate what I have. I have some amazing friends, a supportive family, and a wonderful boyfriend... and I know all of them (well, most of them) will be there for me no matter what. And that, I guess, should make me happy. But for some reason I'm not, really. It's weird. I guess I'm just afraid of letting everyone down. Sigh.
Anyway.
I'm going to try and enjoy the next little while at home. I really don't like being here, I'll admit. Well, I guess that is unfair. It's nice to be back, to see my family and to relax and all of that. I'm just bored (yes, already)... and disappointed with how things are here. I don't really have a connection with this place anymore (well I guess I never did), and I don't know anyone around here... oh well. I think I'm going to sign offline and do some fun reading. I haven't done enough of that this year.