(no subject)
i think im gonna start doing my journal in a good bad format.
things bout today that have been good:
-swim lessons
-have a kick ass group of kids and co-teachers
-had a really yummy lunch
-it rained, so easy day
-got off by 3
things that sucked:
-had to scrub the "cock"
-to much silence
-i think i still feel the same
-amanda sucks at life
well, thats how ill update now. but yea, today swim lessons fucking rocked. mike and i have a kickass group of little kids, and conner is really good with the kids also.but yea, the whole "cock" thing...we ordered a crap load of Chifalos for lunch/breakfast today at work. and while mike was eating, he was trying to say, we need to scrub the cauk..or however the hell u spell it. but yea, it came out as cock. and it was funny. yea, then i found $10 :-p. but yea, there was alot of silence at work, so i thought bout stuff, and i still feel the same. and i think since i feel the same its gonna hurt me. its gonna just make me upset. its gonna tear me down. owell, u cant help who you fall for right? well im off. anyone up for movies tonight? ;). byes.
**edit**
well, i said earlier i felt like i still feel the same. which i do. but at the same time i feel as if im losing a friend because of it. and that makes me wanna barf. everyone always says, nothing will change. things will stay the same. just act like theres nothing there. well, i feel as if there is. and i guess since i feel one way, and he feels the other, that well, it is diffrent? i kinda hate writing all this in my livejournal. but im scared to tell him. im afraid he will react in some crazy way and hate me. i just wanna have a friend that i can tell anything and everything to. and im hoping i can have that out of him. i just hate that today at work i was extremly upset the whole time. it may have seemed like i was happy and having fun, but then again i wasnt. i was miserable. and i dont even know why im reacting like this. cause im like losing sleep and all. last night i didnt fall asleep till around 430. and i hate that my mind is shutting its self down, and i hate whats going on with me emotionally. i just want to find a new love...like a new type. i wanna be able to love someone for who they are. all the loves ive had in the past,i dont know why they were. i dont think they were love. god, who knows now. i sure as fuck dont. ive filled up almost 12 pages of my journal(written) last night because of all the thoughts that kept coming into my head. i just wish i could figure out whats gonna happen and what i really want. i want to enjoy my summer, and enjoy what im doing this summer. i think i need a break from reality in order to do that...
things bout today that have been good:
-swim lessons
-have a kick ass group of kids and co-teachers
-had a really yummy lunch
-it rained, so easy day
-got off by 3
things that sucked:
-had to scrub the "cock"
-to much silence
-i think i still feel the same
-amanda sucks at life
well, thats how ill update now. but yea, today swim lessons fucking rocked. mike and i have a kickass group of little kids, and conner is really good with the kids also.but yea, the whole "cock" thing...we ordered a crap load of Chifalos for lunch/breakfast today at work. and while mike was eating, he was trying to say, we need to scrub the cauk..or however the hell u spell it. but yea, it came out as cock. and it was funny. yea, then i found $10 :-p. but yea, there was alot of silence at work, so i thought bout stuff, and i still feel the same. and i think since i feel the same its gonna hurt me. its gonna just make me upset. its gonna tear me down. owell, u cant help who you fall for right? well im off. anyone up for movies tonight? ;). byes.
**edit**
well, i said earlier i felt like i still feel the same. which i do. but at the same time i feel as if im losing a friend because of it. and that makes me wanna barf. everyone always says, nothing will change. things will stay the same. just act like theres nothing there. well, i feel as if there is. and i guess since i feel one way, and he feels the other, that well, it is diffrent? i kinda hate writing all this in my livejournal. but im scared to tell him. im afraid he will react in some crazy way and hate me. i just wanna have a friend that i can tell anything and everything to. and im hoping i can have that out of him. i just hate that today at work i was extremly upset the whole time. it may have seemed like i was happy and having fun, but then again i wasnt. i was miserable. and i dont even know why im reacting like this. cause im like losing sleep and all. last night i didnt fall asleep till around 430. and i hate that my mind is shutting its self down, and i hate whats going on with me emotionally. i just want to find a new love...like a new type. i wanna be able to love someone for who they are. all the loves ive had in the past,i dont know why they were. i dont think they were love. god, who knows now. i sure as fuck dont. ive filled up almost 12 pages of my journal(written) last night because of all the thoughts that kept coming into my head. i just wish i could figure out whats gonna happen and what i really want. i want to enjoy my summer, and enjoy what im doing this summer. i think i need a break from reality in order to do that...