(no subject)
I feel I guess, that if I avoid the subject all togther it will go away.
...It hasn't.
::Sigh:: I have come to the point where I just don't care anymore about the show. I mean, what will happen will happen. But that does not mean that I am not still cross between whether I should quit or not. Losing Nikki, in my opinion, comprimises the whole god damn show and there is no way that Ms. M is going to even realize that at this point. If she is so consummed with the way that the show is going to go, that why did she fire Nikki in the first place. This whole situation is just so fucked up that at this point it is just better to sit back and watch in all happen. On the other hand, I want to have a show really badly, and I know that so many others want to as well. Sitting around in that case is probably not the greatest thing to do.
Right now, out of all the crap that I hate the most, I hate theatre and what goes on behind peoples back the most. It is just appalling to me how much of a power trip people get off of it. Frankly it is scary. If I am not mistaken, theatre is suppose to be creative collaboration right? Then how come Katie, Natalie, Katelyn, and Emily have worked so hard on all the dances by themselves, only to find out in some cases that they have to change things because Ms. M did not like it or she didn't talk to them in the first place. Is it fair to make them teach the same part to a different person every week because the parts keep switching around? And Mr. Crarey... what gives Ms. M the right to tell people that they are tone deaf and can't sing when that is Mr. Crarey's job to help them improve. NO this just does not sit right with me, not at all.
Does it really, after all the shit that this has put us through, seem worth it if the show turns out like crap? I am not so sure that the show will even go through, let alone, it being successful.
I never thought, in a million years that doing this would end up being a chore.
I never thought that collectively as a group that we were going to have to clean up after Ms. M when she totally fucked everything up.
I never thought that so many of us would take the upper hand and brainstorm on ways to make Ms. M responsible for what she has done to all of us.
And I never thought that we would all be strong enough to face her and tell her that things need to change.
I was so wrong.
I just have to say on a different note. That what we did on Thursday, in that circle was the absolute right thing to do. We stood up and maturely said our grivenances to Ms. M like adults. And in the long run, it was Ms. M who ended up acting like a child and storming away. We were the ones who were strong. We did not cry. We did not yell. She on the other hand did. I just have to say that I could not be more proud of everyone who was involved. We did not do that just in vain, believe me you will see. We all have to also remember to keep holding our ground. If this is something that we all believe in, we need to give it all we have. This goes deeper than the show. This is about Ms. M having simple and mutial respect for us when we give it to her all the time. This is about being treated fairly. And most importantly, this is about having fun in a situation where it is supposed to be, (Atleast sometimes). Theatre should not be hell, and we know that!!!
All and all, I am proud. Proud yet apprehensive.
I am continually walking on broken glass with this, and I don't know if I should bear the pain and keep going of turn around and go back.
I just don't know...