This is the first chapter of my book of treatises entitled "Treats." ...on Star Wars.
1.
Star Wars
As the movie opens, we are prepared to watch something that has already happened “a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…” However, the first thing we see is a space ship hurdling through space, being pursued by a larger space ship. This instantly presents the viewer with the concept that we are existing in some fallacy world, thinking that vehicles that can travel through space were just recently invented, when, in fact, far more elaborate space ships already existed in the past. Perhaps, the advanced beings who built these space ships were wiped out by a cataclysmic super nova and existence was reset. The concept of eternal reoccurrence is hinted at here. Not a pleasant concept to think about. Fortunately, it’s rubbish. More on this later in the book.
The Set Up
After the setting is established, we are introduced to C3PO and R2-D2, two robots (or “droids”) that are on the space ship being pursued by the larger space ship. Unlike modern day robots, “3PO” and “R2” appear to have souls. C3PO has a bipedal humanoid physique and speaks English, R2-D2 looks like an electronic trash can/mailbox and communicates with various non-verbal noises. The space ship they are on (which, in addition to 3PO and R2, is carrying an all White crew, it seems) is captured by the larger ship and boarded by Stormtroopers. The Stormtroopers, who all appear to be male, all wear white armor, with helmets that conceal their identity and ethnicity. Everyone is of equal importance (or unimportance) to one another. This also prevents the soldiers from having any sort of attachment to one another. If two soldiers are friends, and one sees the other in danger, the soldier not in danger might risk his life to save his friend. However, if only one soldier is lost to the danger, no unnecessary risks are taken, the unit stays strong. The white color of their armor indicates that they are clean and efficient to a ridiculous degree. The white armor stands out in just about any environment, you can see them coming a mile away. But that is the point. They do not need to camouflage themselves, because they are the dominant force of the Galaxy. They are innumerable and heavily armed. They make quick work of the smaller ship’s security forces, paving the way for Darth Vader.
Darth Vader appears to be the man in charge of this siege. He is well over six feet tall and is decked out all in black armor. He too wears a helmet (also all black) which conceals his identity and ethnicity. An anonymous army led by an anonymous commander. Darth Vader’s helmet looks like a Japanese samurai helmet and his chest plate is reminiscent of a Jewish high priest’s breastplate, or “Hoshen.” More on this in a bit.
3PO loses R2, at some point, and finds him (or her) with Princess Leia. Princess Leia has her hair styled very much in the same way Princess Sophy "Sofka" Dolgorouky, a Russian princess born in the early 20th century, had her hair styled in several famous photographs. More on this later.
The droids escape with the Death Star plans, are found by the jawas, then are taken to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s indoor hydroponic marijuana growing facility, and are then sold as slaves. During the slave selling scene, we are introduced to Luke Skywalker. He is the hero of the movie and of reality itself, in this fictional Universe. He’s white, blonde, and good looking. He’s also a loser. In a deleted scene, he is called “Wormie” by his peers. He’s not really a loser, though, he’s more of a geek… kind of a dork. But he is whiney… and a bit immature.
Droids
The droids (3PO and R2) seem to have souls, but in actuality, they do not. They are programmed things, designed to mimic human personalities. 3PO’s “mind” is actually an elaborate database of questions and responses. 3PO is given a question, or scenario, his problem solving program accesses a database of questions and scenarios, finding the matching query to the one asked of him, or scenario presented to him at any given moment. His programmer has provided him with a list of answers or actions, appropriate for whatever question he is asked, or scenario he is presented with, and 3PO’s problem solving program finds the best possible answer or solution for the given question or scenario, and instructs the physical mechanim to execute whatever behavior his programmer has programmed him to perform. For instance, when Uncle Owen is talking to 3PO, he asks 3PO if he is programmed for protocol and etiquette. Then 3PO launches into his “self sale” program. When Uncle Owen tells 3PO that he has no need for a protocol droid and begins to move on to the next droid, 3PO, who is designed to sell himself (the more units sold, the better) is programmed to utilize a salesman’s psychological trick to get Uncle Owen to loosen up. 3PO starts a conversation with Uncle Owen, reaffirming his assessment of not needing a protocol droid, and Uncle Owen forgets that he’s talking to a computer and elaborates upon his needs. 3PO’s self sale program has succeeded in maintaining the customer’s interest. When 3PO receives the information that Uncle Owen needs something that understands the binary language of moisture vaporators, 3PO’s self sell program recognizes that this bit of information corresponds to a function that he can perform and commands the communication unit to inform Uncle Owen of this. This back and forth exchange of information leads to Uncle Owen purchasing 3PO and the rest is history. While the human mind operates in a similar way, 3PO is merely a soulless machine, designed to mimic a human being. A thing designed to perform specific functions and make itself useful whenever possible. It is also programmed to sell itself.
Luke
Luke is clearly the hero of the story. When we are first introduced to him, he is an immature, whiney, mama’s boy. He is shown playing with a toy and complains about his life to soulless robots. It is unclear whether Luke understands that 3PO is merely an ingeniously programmed machine, or if he thinks he has a mind and is a free thinking, self aware being. He could just be talking to 3PO as if he is an actual person because he is bored and likes to pretend. He does still play with toys…
Luke mentions to his Aunt and Uncle that he wants to join the academy. He is actually referring to the Empire. In a deleted scene, Luke’s friend, Biggs, tells Luke that he is going to go AWOL from the Empire, and join the rebels, essentially becoming an outlaw. Luke, being a mama’s boy, chooses not to break the law and does not join his friend. The Empire is the official military of the Universe. Luke doesn’t care that the Empire is evil, he just wants to do something exciting with his life. But he is not prepared to break the law. He is a good boy.
After finding Leia’s recorded message to Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke looses his shit. Leia is hotter than any girl on the planet he’s living on. There is nothing exciting happening on Tatooine. All of the most beautiful women are where the action is… not Tatooine. After R2 takes off, looking for Obi-wan, Luke chases him down and meets Obi-wan “Ben” Kenobi.
Old Ben
Obi-wan Kenobi turns out to be a white guy. Is he is a reincarnated Japanese person, who decided to come back as a white person? Or did he not have a choice? Or did he change his name to Obi-wan Kenobi just to fuck with people? More on this later.
So, Obi-wan tells Luke about his father, Anakin, and about the Force. However, he lies to Luke about everything. Obi-wan is a classic psychic vampire. He pollutes Luke’s mind with lies from the get go. He tells Luke that his father was killed by Darth Vader, when in fact Luke’s father is Darth Vader. Is he trying to get Luke to kill his own father? What a twitsted mind this old man has! Then he tells Luke about the Force. He tells him that it’s an energy field that surrounds all living things and binds the Universe together. He makes it out to be some sort of nebulous energy field, but when he uses it to trick the Stormtrooper into letting them go when they are stopped in Mos Eisley, he isn’t just manipulating some energy field. He is communicating with the spirit world.
The Force
When people die, they are spliced into the Dream World. The Dream World is where all formerly alive things reside. All currently alive things have the ability to visit the Dream World when they are asleep, but what is not commonly advertised is that we are always connected to the Dream World. Asleep and awake. While awake, the Dream World becomes represented in a sort of computer desktop form. Like a map of all existing people and places in the Dream World, plus the means to communicate with the corresponding spirit forces represented and access the corresponding locations. This access map, called one’s “terminal,” also connects Control World dwellers to one another in ways. The basic technology of psychic vampirism. Current events have updated the technology of our terminals, reducing psychic vampires to bothersome system hackers who just haven’t figured out what’s really going on yet. Up to date, advanced beings who update their operating systems regularly, are making quick work of these psychic vampires and the system is progressing towards a Universal revolution. These current events are the subject of another book, however. At the time Star Wars was released, things worked a bit differently.
Jedi Mind Trick
Obi-wan’s Jedi mind trick on the Stormtrooper isn’t something just anyone can do. First of all, one must understand what’s going on in the Star Wars Universe as well as how the mechanics of the Force works. The basic logic is this: Every person has an allotment of spirit energy, usually their relatives, but also the fans that they have accumulated over the years, given the choices they’ve made and what kind of a person they are. Most people are unaware of this audience until they smoke enough weed to actually feel them, in one way or another. Some people have more fans than others. These people are either very talented, or very important. People are able to do different things depending on how many fans they have. Obi-wan is the last remaining Jedi. The Jedi were a collection of all of the most popular and learned decent people. They were all spirit world hubs. When they were all wiped out, save for one person, that one person became the wielder of the cumulative spirit powers of all of his fallen commrads. Obi-wan is the ultimate Jedi. Darth Vader is the Dark Side version of Obi-wan, using the cumulative powers of all of the evil people in the Dream World. Here is how Obi-Wan uses The Force to get the Stormtrooper to do his bidding: Obi-Wan communicates to his people, via his terminal, to access the Stormtrooper’s terminal and pose as God. As God, Obi-Wan and his buddies instruct the Stormtrooper to repeat Obi-Wan’s words verbatim, lest he anger his God. The Stormtrooper does as he’s told and has some pleasant dreams that night. Obi-Wan is able to do this, because he is doing the most important stuff in all existence. Darth Vader has built a machine that can destroy entire planets. Obi-Wan is the Universe’s best bet at stopping Vader, so he gets all of the spirit powers of all the people in the Universe who think Vader’s a dick and the Empire is bunko. Just about all of it. Pretty boy Luke is mucking up the works with his good looks and his compelling continuity as Vader’s son. Obi-Wan does not like having competition, but he does like how Luke looks and hatches a plan to take over Luke’s body, continuing his continuity as the last of the Jedi, but in a younger, more attractive form. At this point in time, there is no reincarnation. Everyone who dies, seems to be dead for good. But Obi-Wan thinks he’s figured it all out. More on this in a bit.
Vader’s Jedi mind trick is a bit more complex than Obi-Wan’s. When Vader uses The Force to choke Officer Chump during the meeting in the board room, he’s accessing Chump’s terminal, projecting an imaginary poorly chewed piece of steak into his throat, then bringing up the density of the meat to read as actual, rather than imaginary, effectively choking Officer Chump with his superior mind powers.
Han and Chewie
Han and Chewie are also very popular in the spirit world, but they do not have an active knowledge of The Force. Han calls it “luck,” but “luck” is just a different word for the actions of The Force. Han is good looking, he has a very cool space ship, he’s an outlaw, his life is exciting… plus, he’s friends with someone from another planet. These are all pluses with The Force. He quite possibly does believe in (or know) about The Force, but sees fit to conceal his knowledge of it in order to psych people out.
Alderon
When Alderon blows up, Obi-Wan gets a big headache. This is caused by an abnormal amount of people splicing into the Dream World at once. The orientation centers or overfilled, human resources are taxed beyond their limits, and Obi-Wan has to deal with a bunch of clueless dead people who want answers. A big headache.
Luke’s Conscious Self
When Luke is practicing with his light saber, he has trouble blocking the laser blasts coming from the practice droid. Obi-Wan instructs Luke to wear a blast helmet, making him blind, then to “let go” of his conscious self and let The Force guide his movements. Essentially, Obi-Wan is telling Luke to let down his defenses and let a team or spirit world people possess his body and control his actions to an extent. Luke does as he is told and a spirit world team springs into action, accessing Obi-Wan’s visual observation of the practice droid, then using Obi-Wan’s knowledge of where the droid is going to shoot, as well as other sources of knowledge in the Dream World (technical data on the specific model of practice droid Luke is using, etc.), to inform Luke of where the blasts will be coming from, and “voila.”
Obi-Wan and Vader's Bullshit Contest
When Obi-Wan and Vader meet again after X amount of years, they begin talking shit to one another. Most of it is just trash talk, but then Obi-Wan says something interesting. He tells Vader that if he is killed, he will become more powerful than Vader can possibly imagine. Obi-Wan is basically saying that he knows what is going to happen to him when he dies. It is still an unsolved mystery, as there are no reincarnated beings in the Star Wars Galaxy… only a bunch of bullshit artists. When Luke discovers Obi-Wan and Vader dueling, Obi-Wan sees his opportunity to make the jump into Luke’s body. His plan is simple. He lets Vader kill him, then he becomes one with The Force. Knowing that Luke is watching him, he approximates what Luke is seeing and attempts to “bounce” Luke out of his body by rewriting the story to include himself watching his own death through Luke’s, that is, his new body’s eyes. Since Luke has already let go of his conscious self, Obi-Wan can swoop in, control Luke’s actions to an unreasonable degree, in effect “bouncing” Luke’s consciousness into the spirit world and possessing his physical form indefinitely. Then he would most likely run up to Vader in his new body, without skipping a beat, and brag that he has done the impossible, winning 50,000 points and being the all time high scoring human ever. Obi-Wan miscalculates, however, and instead of becoming God as he seemingly thought he would, he is instead cast as Luke’s spirit guide. Luke’s popularity was too great for Obi-Wan to supercede. Obi-Wan stays dead and Luke becomes the new only hope for existence to continue. Obi-Wan out, Luke in. When Vader hits Obi-Wan with his light saber, he disappears into thin air. This is a reference to a phenomenon some have taken to calling “The Trickster.” The phenomenon, which is most likely to occur while one is high on marijuana, consists of one person (the one who’s high) seeing another person (not necessarily high) disappearing and reappearing, like some cheap in-camera effect from Bewitched. This is a Dream World routing trick. A recreation of the environment around the victim is created in the Dream World, along with the victim, but not the person who is to be seen disappearing. All lighting and atmospheric conditions are recreated to an exact degree. Then the victim is routed to the Dream World recreation in short intervals, creating the effect of a disappearing person. The Trickster. It does not indicate anything ominous, other than the fact that your terminal is corrupt and people are fucking with you. The person disappearing and reappearing will always cease to do so, ultimately remaining a cohesive being. This phenomenon, or prank, messes with people’s heads quite a bit. This explanation should resolve any misunderstandings about the phenomenon/trick.
Right after Obi-Wan dies, Luke has an auditory hallucination, hearing Obi-Wan telling him to run. Unfortunately, for Luke, there are no anti-psychotic drugs in the Star Wars galaxy. He must brave the actuality of what existence throws at him, without some sugar pill that summons a team of spirit world adjusters to defend his terminal against spirit guides, pranksters, and attackers… ultimately rewiring his terminal to make him feel like The Force does not exist and that he should just accept the bullshit reality that the media at large projects.
The movie ends with Luke using The Force to bullseye the exhaust port of the Death Star, blowing it up, and saving the galaxy. Luke says he used to bullseye womp rats in his T-16, back on Tatooine, he might have been able to make the shot without using The Force. But The Force, or the spiritworld existing in the Dream World, had most likely conducted countless simulations, generating the data that would allow Luke to know exactly where to be, and when to pull the trigger in order to make the one in a million shot. It was reliable enough to make him block the shots of the practice droid, which he couldn’t do unaided, so Luke made the logical decision and used The Force to blow up the Death Star. Or did he? There could have been an internal dialog between Luke and members of the Force, argueing over the proper speed and altitude Luke should utilize in order to make the best shot. Then Luke just uses his honed skill as a pilot to make the shot, without The Force controlling his actions.
The Force
The Force is the underlying motivator of this whole story. The Master Continuity of existence has gotten so out of hand, that the spiritworld has to orchestrate an unrealistic chain of events in order to save the galaxy from Vader, who seems to be challenging the authority of The Force. The Force, no doubt, played it’s hand in arranging for 3PO and R2’s escape pod to eject at just the right time for them to land on the part of Tatooine where Luke resided. The Force also got the jawas to pick the droids up and sell them to Uncle Owen. They most likely sabotaged the motivator of the original R2 unit that Luke purchases, forcing him to buy R2-D2.
Most people think Luke is a rube at the beginning of Star Wars, however this is not the case. Luke is an ace pilot, and a technologically proficient gear head (He knew the originally purchased R2 unit had a bad motivator within seconds of examining the malfunctioning droid). He is also very good looking. What’s interesting is that he seems to be putting on a geeky dork act when we first see him. We whines and complains, all while using an annoying, nerdy, dork voice. Why the act? Luke already understands that he is hated for being so attractive and talented. He knows that people can be jealous and petty, and that if he doesn’t act like an annoying nerd/dork, some people would be threatened by his good looks and talent, and might try to do him in. The same tactic is utilized by the Jim Stark character in Rebel Without A Cause, a film that I will discuss later in the book. Luke, most likely, learned about his curse early on in life and began utilizing the annoying nerd/dork persona, so as not to draw any confrontations from his uncle or his peers. We see that once his aunt and uncle are killed, and his life as a farm boy on Tatooine is over, he instantly shakes his guise and dons the posture of a hero. He’s no bumbling idiot that cannot tie his own shoes. He saves the girl and the day, with ease. He has no trouble blending in with seasoned rebel pilots and quickly takes control of the situation without hesitating.
Empire
By the time we get to Empire, Luke has already figured a ton of shit out. He knows, not only that he is the main character in existence, but also that he exists in the bullshit imaginary universe of George Lucas’s mind. A dream world, essentially. This knowledge is what allows Luke to Force pull his lightsaber out of the frozen snow, while hanging upside down in the Wampa’s cave. This power was not demonstrated by anyone in the first film. Luke has figured out that his reality is bullshit and that he can “cheat the machine” a bit, in order to save himself.
After escaping the Wampa’s cave, Luke (after forgetting to take his anti-psychotic medication) has a hallucination and sees and hears Obi-Wan, communicating from beyond the grave, telling him to go to Dagobah to find and learn from Yoda. Of course, Obi-Wan isn’t actually in a grave because he simply disappeared into thin air. More proof for Luke that he is existing in a quasi fakey dream universe.
While training under Yoda, Luke attempts to lift his X-wing out of the swamp and fails. He is still trying to manipulate the nebulous energy field by concentrating and tensing his mind and muscles. He is aware of the fact that he’s in a dream world, and that spirits are an integral part of being able to do quasi impossible shit, but he is nowhere near as old and experienced as Yoda. Yoda is able to lift the X-wing out of the swamp because he knows more shit than Luke, has experienced more shit than Luke, and he’s cute and lovable, like a kitten or a puppy dog. He knows how to work the crowd better. Perhaps he is praying and kissing a bunch of spiritworld ass as well. Possibly, making deals with Force power loan sharks that he will repay at a later date, just so he can show off in front of Luke and look like some big shot. Luke’s power increases while training with Yoda, as he develops a muscular physique. The spiritworld girls go ga-ga over his new muscles, and Luke’s level goes up a bit.
At the end of Empire, Luke finds out that he’s Vader’s son and that Obi-Wan is a big fat liar. Yoda also lied to Luke by pretending to be someone else when Luke first found him. What a bunch of assholes.
Jedi
Between Empire and Jedi, Luke masters the art of bullshit and psychological warfare, something he realized he had to do in order to keep up with the big boys. He also starts dressing like a bad ass. All in black… the official color of cool. When Jabba sees Luke, he realizes that Luke has just entered the arena and laughs at him for presenting himself as some seasoned major player in the game. Jabba doesn’t seem to understand that Luke is actually the main player in the game. Some would argue that Vader is actually the main player, but Luke takes the cake. Vader is actually a good guy though. More on this in a bit.
After Luke turns himself in, he gets on Vader about how he’s really a good guy. Vader insists that Luke is wrong, but Luke isn’t hearing it. When Luke faces off against Emperor Palpatine, it’s like the Super Bowl of bullshit/psych out contests. Palpatine taunts Luke like some school yard bully, beckoning him to take a swing at him. He psyching Luke out into thinking that he has some stupid Obi-Wan style scheme to take over his body, once Luke kills him, which Luke knows won’t work, so he takes a swing, only to have Vader block him at the last moment. Psych! Luke has the last laugh, however, when he asks Vader to save him, and Vader betrays his master, throwing him into the reactor core shaft. Why the sudden change of heart? The only explanation we get is that Vader tells Luke that he was right about him. If Luke was right, what motivated Vader’s indiscriminate obliteration of billions of people? My theory is that Vader figured everything out and was upset about the Fallacy of a Finite Existence (a common reason for people to snap… which is why I am doing away with the Fallacy). There is, of course, a lot more to it. The whole story has yet to be told. Wait a second… Vader doesn’t kill billions of people, General Tarkin does. Vader didn’t build the Death Star, the white dudes in the board room did. Vader must have been working under cover. Luke was right.
The End?
At the end of Jedi, Luke looks across the way and sees Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Anakin, all in ghost form, smiling on as if they’re perfectly happy being disembodied spirits. However, Luke is the only one who can see them. Hardly an existence at all. There does not seem to be an environment that the three spirits call home, and there is no implied system of reincarnation. It’s as if George Lucas was trying to tell us something.
Star Wars
As the movie opens, we are prepared to watch something that has already happened “a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…” However, the first thing we see is a space ship hurdling through space, being pursued by a larger space ship. This instantly presents the viewer with the concept that we are existing in some fallacy world, thinking that vehicles that can travel through space were just recently invented, when, in fact, far more elaborate space ships already existed in the past. Perhaps, the advanced beings who built these space ships were wiped out by a cataclysmic super nova and existence was reset. The concept of eternal reoccurrence is hinted at here. Not a pleasant concept to think about. Fortunately, it’s rubbish. More on this later in the book.
The Set Up
After the setting is established, we are introduced to C3PO and R2-D2, two robots (or “droids”) that are on the space ship being pursued by the larger space ship. Unlike modern day robots, “3PO” and “R2” appear to have souls. C3PO has a bipedal humanoid physique and speaks English, R2-D2 looks like an electronic trash can/mailbox and communicates with various non-verbal noises. The space ship they are on (which, in addition to 3PO and R2, is carrying an all White crew, it seems) is captured by the larger ship and boarded by Stormtroopers. The Stormtroopers, who all appear to be male, all wear white armor, with helmets that conceal their identity and ethnicity. Everyone is of equal importance (or unimportance) to one another. This also prevents the soldiers from having any sort of attachment to one another. If two soldiers are friends, and one sees the other in danger, the soldier not in danger might risk his life to save his friend. However, if only one soldier is lost to the danger, no unnecessary risks are taken, the unit stays strong. The white color of their armor indicates that they are clean and efficient to a ridiculous degree. The white armor stands out in just about any environment, you can see them coming a mile away. But that is the point. They do not need to camouflage themselves, because they are the dominant force of the Galaxy. They are innumerable and heavily armed. They make quick work of the smaller ship’s security forces, paving the way for Darth Vader.
Darth Vader appears to be the man in charge of this siege. He is well over six feet tall and is decked out all in black armor. He too wears a helmet (also all black) which conceals his identity and ethnicity. An anonymous army led by an anonymous commander. Darth Vader’s helmet looks like a Japanese samurai helmet and his chest plate is reminiscent of a Jewish high priest’s breastplate, or “Hoshen.” More on this in a bit.
3PO loses R2, at some point, and finds him (or her) with Princess Leia. Princess Leia has her hair styled very much in the same way Princess Sophy "Sofka" Dolgorouky, a Russian princess born in the early 20th century, had her hair styled in several famous photographs. More on this later.
The droids escape with the Death Star plans, are found by the jawas, then are taken to Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru’s indoor hydroponic marijuana growing facility, and are then sold as slaves. During the slave selling scene, we are introduced to Luke Skywalker. He is the hero of the movie and of reality itself, in this fictional Universe. He’s white, blonde, and good looking. He’s also a loser. In a deleted scene, he is called “Wormie” by his peers. He’s not really a loser, though, he’s more of a geek… kind of a dork. But he is whiney… and a bit immature.
Droids
The droids (3PO and R2) seem to have souls, but in actuality, they do not. They are programmed things, designed to mimic human personalities. 3PO’s “mind” is actually an elaborate database of questions and responses. 3PO is given a question, or scenario, his problem solving program accesses a database of questions and scenarios, finding the matching query to the one asked of him, or scenario presented to him at any given moment. His programmer has provided him with a list of answers or actions, appropriate for whatever question he is asked, or scenario he is presented with, and 3PO’s problem solving program finds the best possible answer or solution for the given question or scenario, and instructs the physical mechanim to execute whatever behavior his programmer has programmed him to perform. For instance, when Uncle Owen is talking to 3PO, he asks 3PO if he is programmed for protocol and etiquette. Then 3PO launches into his “self sale” program. When Uncle Owen tells 3PO that he has no need for a protocol droid and begins to move on to the next droid, 3PO, who is designed to sell himself (the more units sold, the better) is programmed to utilize a salesman’s psychological trick to get Uncle Owen to loosen up. 3PO starts a conversation with Uncle Owen, reaffirming his assessment of not needing a protocol droid, and Uncle Owen forgets that he’s talking to a computer and elaborates upon his needs. 3PO’s self sale program has succeeded in maintaining the customer’s interest. When 3PO receives the information that Uncle Owen needs something that understands the binary language of moisture vaporators, 3PO’s self sell program recognizes that this bit of information corresponds to a function that he can perform and commands the communication unit to inform Uncle Owen of this. This back and forth exchange of information leads to Uncle Owen purchasing 3PO and the rest is history. While the human mind operates in a similar way, 3PO is merely a soulless machine, designed to mimic a human being. A thing designed to perform specific functions and make itself useful whenever possible. It is also programmed to sell itself.
Luke
Luke is clearly the hero of the story. When we are first introduced to him, he is an immature, whiney, mama’s boy. He is shown playing with a toy and complains about his life to soulless robots. It is unclear whether Luke understands that 3PO is merely an ingeniously programmed machine, or if he thinks he has a mind and is a free thinking, self aware being. He could just be talking to 3PO as if he is an actual person because he is bored and likes to pretend. He does still play with toys…
Luke mentions to his Aunt and Uncle that he wants to join the academy. He is actually referring to the Empire. In a deleted scene, Luke’s friend, Biggs, tells Luke that he is going to go AWOL from the Empire, and join the rebels, essentially becoming an outlaw. Luke, being a mama’s boy, chooses not to break the law and does not join his friend. The Empire is the official military of the Universe. Luke doesn’t care that the Empire is evil, he just wants to do something exciting with his life. But he is not prepared to break the law. He is a good boy.
After finding Leia’s recorded message to Obi-Wan Kenobi, Luke looses his shit. Leia is hotter than any girl on the planet he’s living on. There is nothing exciting happening on Tatooine. All of the most beautiful women are where the action is… not Tatooine. After R2 takes off, looking for Obi-wan, Luke chases him down and meets Obi-wan “Ben” Kenobi.
Old Ben
Obi-wan Kenobi turns out to be a white guy. Is he is a reincarnated Japanese person, who decided to come back as a white person? Or did he not have a choice? Or did he change his name to Obi-wan Kenobi just to fuck with people? More on this later.
So, Obi-wan tells Luke about his father, Anakin, and about the Force. However, he lies to Luke about everything. Obi-wan is a classic psychic vampire. He pollutes Luke’s mind with lies from the get go. He tells Luke that his father was killed by Darth Vader, when in fact Luke’s father is Darth Vader. Is he trying to get Luke to kill his own father? What a twitsted mind this old man has! Then he tells Luke about the Force. He tells him that it’s an energy field that surrounds all living things and binds the Universe together. He makes it out to be some sort of nebulous energy field, but when he uses it to trick the Stormtrooper into letting them go when they are stopped in Mos Eisley, he isn’t just manipulating some energy field. He is communicating with the spirit world.
The Force
When people die, they are spliced into the Dream World. The Dream World is where all formerly alive things reside. All currently alive things have the ability to visit the Dream World when they are asleep, but what is not commonly advertised is that we are always connected to the Dream World. Asleep and awake. While awake, the Dream World becomes represented in a sort of computer desktop form. Like a map of all existing people and places in the Dream World, plus the means to communicate with the corresponding spirit forces represented and access the corresponding locations. This access map, called one’s “terminal,” also connects Control World dwellers to one another in ways. The basic technology of psychic vampirism. Current events have updated the technology of our terminals, reducing psychic vampires to bothersome system hackers who just haven’t figured out what’s really going on yet. Up to date, advanced beings who update their operating systems regularly, are making quick work of these psychic vampires and the system is progressing towards a Universal revolution. These current events are the subject of another book, however. At the time Star Wars was released, things worked a bit differently.
Jedi Mind Trick
Obi-wan’s Jedi mind trick on the Stormtrooper isn’t something just anyone can do. First of all, one must understand what’s going on in the Star Wars Universe as well as how the mechanics of the Force works. The basic logic is this: Every person has an allotment of spirit energy, usually their relatives, but also the fans that they have accumulated over the years, given the choices they’ve made and what kind of a person they are. Most people are unaware of this audience until they smoke enough weed to actually feel them, in one way or another. Some people have more fans than others. These people are either very talented, or very important. People are able to do different things depending on how many fans they have. Obi-wan is the last remaining Jedi. The Jedi were a collection of all of the most popular and learned decent people. They were all spirit world hubs. When they were all wiped out, save for one person, that one person became the wielder of the cumulative spirit powers of all of his fallen commrads. Obi-wan is the ultimate Jedi. Darth Vader is the Dark Side version of Obi-wan, using the cumulative powers of all of the evil people in the Dream World. Here is how Obi-Wan uses The Force to get the Stormtrooper to do his bidding: Obi-Wan communicates to his people, via his terminal, to access the Stormtrooper’s terminal and pose as God. As God, Obi-Wan and his buddies instruct the Stormtrooper to repeat Obi-Wan’s words verbatim, lest he anger his God. The Stormtrooper does as he’s told and has some pleasant dreams that night. Obi-Wan is able to do this, because he is doing the most important stuff in all existence. Darth Vader has built a machine that can destroy entire planets. Obi-Wan is the Universe’s best bet at stopping Vader, so he gets all of the spirit powers of all the people in the Universe who think Vader’s a dick and the Empire is bunko. Just about all of it. Pretty boy Luke is mucking up the works with his good looks and his compelling continuity as Vader’s son. Obi-Wan does not like having competition, but he does like how Luke looks and hatches a plan to take over Luke’s body, continuing his continuity as the last of the Jedi, but in a younger, more attractive form. At this point in time, there is no reincarnation. Everyone who dies, seems to be dead for good. But Obi-Wan thinks he’s figured it all out. More on this in a bit.
Vader’s Jedi mind trick is a bit more complex than Obi-Wan’s. When Vader uses The Force to choke Officer Chump during the meeting in the board room, he’s accessing Chump’s terminal, projecting an imaginary poorly chewed piece of steak into his throat, then bringing up the density of the meat to read as actual, rather than imaginary, effectively choking Officer Chump with his superior mind powers.
Han and Chewie
Han and Chewie are also very popular in the spirit world, but they do not have an active knowledge of The Force. Han calls it “luck,” but “luck” is just a different word for the actions of The Force. Han is good looking, he has a very cool space ship, he’s an outlaw, his life is exciting… plus, he’s friends with someone from another planet. These are all pluses with The Force. He quite possibly does believe in (or know) about The Force, but sees fit to conceal his knowledge of it in order to psych people out.
Alderon
When Alderon blows up, Obi-Wan gets a big headache. This is caused by an abnormal amount of people splicing into the Dream World at once. The orientation centers or overfilled, human resources are taxed beyond their limits, and Obi-Wan has to deal with a bunch of clueless dead people who want answers. A big headache.
Luke’s Conscious Self
When Luke is practicing with his light saber, he has trouble blocking the laser blasts coming from the practice droid. Obi-Wan instructs Luke to wear a blast helmet, making him blind, then to “let go” of his conscious self and let The Force guide his movements. Essentially, Obi-Wan is telling Luke to let down his defenses and let a team or spirit world people possess his body and control his actions to an extent. Luke does as he is told and a spirit world team springs into action, accessing Obi-Wan’s visual observation of the practice droid, then using Obi-Wan’s knowledge of where the droid is going to shoot, as well as other sources of knowledge in the Dream World (technical data on the specific model of practice droid Luke is using, etc.), to inform Luke of where the blasts will be coming from, and “voila.”
Obi-Wan and Vader's Bullshit Contest
When Obi-Wan and Vader meet again after X amount of years, they begin talking shit to one another. Most of it is just trash talk, but then Obi-Wan says something interesting. He tells Vader that if he is killed, he will become more powerful than Vader can possibly imagine. Obi-Wan is basically saying that he knows what is going to happen to him when he dies. It is still an unsolved mystery, as there are no reincarnated beings in the Star Wars Galaxy… only a bunch of bullshit artists. When Luke discovers Obi-Wan and Vader dueling, Obi-Wan sees his opportunity to make the jump into Luke’s body. His plan is simple. He lets Vader kill him, then he becomes one with The Force. Knowing that Luke is watching him, he approximates what Luke is seeing and attempts to “bounce” Luke out of his body by rewriting the story to include himself watching his own death through Luke’s, that is, his new body’s eyes. Since Luke has already let go of his conscious self, Obi-Wan can swoop in, control Luke’s actions to an unreasonable degree, in effect “bouncing” Luke’s consciousness into the spirit world and possessing his physical form indefinitely. Then he would most likely run up to Vader in his new body, without skipping a beat, and brag that he has done the impossible, winning 50,000 points and being the all time high scoring human ever. Obi-Wan miscalculates, however, and instead of becoming God as he seemingly thought he would, he is instead cast as Luke’s spirit guide. Luke’s popularity was too great for Obi-Wan to supercede. Obi-Wan stays dead and Luke becomes the new only hope for existence to continue. Obi-Wan out, Luke in. When Vader hits Obi-Wan with his light saber, he disappears into thin air. This is a reference to a phenomenon some have taken to calling “The Trickster.” The phenomenon, which is most likely to occur while one is high on marijuana, consists of one person (the one who’s high) seeing another person (not necessarily high) disappearing and reappearing, like some cheap in-camera effect from Bewitched. This is a Dream World routing trick. A recreation of the environment around the victim is created in the Dream World, along with the victim, but not the person who is to be seen disappearing. All lighting and atmospheric conditions are recreated to an exact degree. Then the victim is routed to the Dream World recreation in short intervals, creating the effect of a disappearing person. The Trickster. It does not indicate anything ominous, other than the fact that your terminal is corrupt and people are fucking with you. The person disappearing and reappearing will always cease to do so, ultimately remaining a cohesive being. This phenomenon, or prank, messes with people’s heads quite a bit. This explanation should resolve any misunderstandings about the phenomenon/trick.
Right after Obi-Wan dies, Luke has an auditory hallucination, hearing Obi-Wan telling him to run. Unfortunately, for Luke, there are no anti-psychotic drugs in the Star Wars galaxy. He must brave the actuality of what existence throws at him, without some sugar pill that summons a team of spirit world adjusters to defend his terminal against spirit guides, pranksters, and attackers… ultimately rewiring his terminal to make him feel like The Force does not exist and that he should just accept the bullshit reality that the media at large projects.
The movie ends with Luke using The Force to bullseye the exhaust port of the Death Star, blowing it up, and saving the galaxy. Luke says he used to bullseye womp rats in his T-16, back on Tatooine, he might have been able to make the shot without using The Force. But The Force, or the spiritworld existing in the Dream World, had most likely conducted countless simulations, generating the data that would allow Luke to know exactly where to be, and when to pull the trigger in order to make the one in a million shot. It was reliable enough to make him block the shots of the practice droid, which he couldn’t do unaided, so Luke made the logical decision and used The Force to blow up the Death Star. Or did he? There could have been an internal dialog between Luke and members of the Force, argueing over the proper speed and altitude Luke should utilize in order to make the best shot. Then Luke just uses his honed skill as a pilot to make the shot, without The Force controlling his actions.
The Force
The Force is the underlying motivator of this whole story. The Master Continuity of existence has gotten so out of hand, that the spiritworld has to orchestrate an unrealistic chain of events in order to save the galaxy from Vader, who seems to be challenging the authority of The Force. The Force, no doubt, played it’s hand in arranging for 3PO and R2’s escape pod to eject at just the right time for them to land on the part of Tatooine where Luke resided. The Force also got the jawas to pick the droids up and sell them to Uncle Owen. They most likely sabotaged the motivator of the original R2 unit that Luke purchases, forcing him to buy R2-D2.
Most people think Luke is a rube at the beginning of Star Wars, however this is not the case. Luke is an ace pilot, and a technologically proficient gear head (He knew the originally purchased R2 unit had a bad motivator within seconds of examining the malfunctioning droid). He is also very good looking. What’s interesting is that he seems to be putting on a geeky dork act when we first see him. We whines and complains, all while using an annoying, nerdy, dork voice. Why the act? Luke already understands that he is hated for being so attractive and talented. He knows that people can be jealous and petty, and that if he doesn’t act like an annoying nerd/dork, some people would be threatened by his good looks and talent, and might try to do him in. The same tactic is utilized by the Jim Stark character in Rebel Without A Cause, a film that I will discuss later in the book. Luke, most likely, learned about his curse early on in life and began utilizing the annoying nerd/dork persona, so as not to draw any confrontations from his uncle or his peers. We see that once his aunt and uncle are killed, and his life as a farm boy on Tatooine is over, he instantly shakes his guise and dons the posture of a hero. He’s no bumbling idiot that cannot tie his own shoes. He saves the girl and the day, with ease. He has no trouble blending in with seasoned rebel pilots and quickly takes control of the situation without hesitating.
Empire
By the time we get to Empire, Luke has already figured a ton of shit out. He knows, not only that he is the main character in existence, but also that he exists in the bullshit imaginary universe of George Lucas’s mind. A dream world, essentially. This knowledge is what allows Luke to Force pull his lightsaber out of the frozen snow, while hanging upside down in the Wampa’s cave. This power was not demonstrated by anyone in the first film. Luke has figured out that his reality is bullshit and that he can “cheat the machine” a bit, in order to save himself.
After escaping the Wampa’s cave, Luke (after forgetting to take his anti-psychotic medication) has a hallucination and sees and hears Obi-Wan, communicating from beyond the grave, telling him to go to Dagobah to find and learn from Yoda. Of course, Obi-Wan isn’t actually in a grave because he simply disappeared into thin air. More proof for Luke that he is existing in a quasi fakey dream universe.
While training under Yoda, Luke attempts to lift his X-wing out of the swamp and fails. He is still trying to manipulate the nebulous energy field by concentrating and tensing his mind and muscles. He is aware of the fact that he’s in a dream world, and that spirits are an integral part of being able to do quasi impossible shit, but he is nowhere near as old and experienced as Yoda. Yoda is able to lift the X-wing out of the swamp because he knows more shit than Luke, has experienced more shit than Luke, and he’s cute and lovable, like a kitten or a puppy dog. He knows how to work the crowd better. Perhaps he is praying and kissing a bunch of spiritworld ass as well. Possibly, making deals with Force power loan sharks that he will repay at a later date, just so he can show off in front of Luke and look like some big shot. Luke’s power increases while training with Yoda, as he develops a muscular physique. The spiritworld girls go ga-ga over his new muscles, and Luke’s level goes up a bit.
At the end of Empire, Luke finds out that he’s Vader’s son and that Obi-Wan is a big fat liar. Yoda also lied to Luke by pretending to be someone else when Luke first found him. What a bunch of assholes.
Jedi
Between Empire and Jedi, Luke masters the art of bullshit and psychological warfare, something he realized he had to do in order to keep up with the big boys. He also starts dressing like a bad ass. All in black… the official color of cool. When Jabba sees Luke, he realizes that Luke has just entered the arena and laughs at him for presenting himself as some seasoned major player in the game. Jabba doesn’t seem to understand that Luke is actually the main player in the game. Some would argue that Vader is actually the main player, but Luke takes the cake. Vader is actually a good guy though. More on this in a bit.
After Luke turns himself in, he gets on Vader about how he’s really a good guy. Vader insists that Luke is wrong, but Luke isn’t hearing it. When Luke faces off against Emperor Palpatine, it’s like the Super Bowl of bullshit/psych out contests. Palpatine taunts Luke like some school yard bully, beckoning him to take a swing at him. He psyching Luke out into thinking that he has some stupid Obi-Wan style scheme to take over his body, once Luke kills him, which Luke knows won’t work, so he takes a swing, only to have Vader block him at the last moment. Psych! Luke has the last laugh, however, when he asks Vader to save him, and Vader betrays his master, throwing him into the reactor core shaft. Why the sudden change of heart? The only explanation we get is that Vader tells Luke that he was right about him. If Luke was right, what motivated Vader’s indiscriminate obliteration of billions of people? My theory is that Vader figured everything out and was upset about the Fallacy of a Finite Existence (a common reason for people to snap… which is why I am doing away with the Fallacy). There is, of course, a lot more to it. The whole story has yet to be told. Wait a second… Vader doesn’t kill billions of people, General Tarkin does. Vader didn’t build the Death Star, the white dudes in the board room did. Vader must have been working under cover. Luke was right.
The End?
At the end of Jedi, Luke looks across the way and sees Obi-Wan, Yoda, and Anakin, all in ghost form, smiling on as if they’re perfectly happy being disembodied spirits. However, Luke is the only one who can see them. Hardly an existence at all. There does not seem to be an environment that the three spirits call home, and there is no implied system of reincarnation. It’s as if George Lucas was trying to tell us something.