moving on!
so yeah. word. i dont really like writing in this journal too often, but it beats writing on paper sometimes. i feel like im kinda starting to move on with my life. im hopefully going to be moving up to seattle sometime soon. i need to get the fuck out of oly. its driving me nuts. everywhere i look i see some horrible memory that i once found soothing and now its just painful. i like having a job though. it makes me feel like somewhat of a better person. i feel super lonely, like i dont really have any real friends anymore, and i know i do, its just hard for everyone to make time together. drew and i are talking still, we got back together for a couple of days, not officially, but together, and then yesterday my friend dan and i were kicking it in seattle and he explained how im only 18, and to try and save something like that is complete bullshit. so i now understand that no matter how much i will miss drew, theres really no point in any of this, cause its not like hes the kid i want to marry. hes just who i want to be with, kinda, right now.
im trying to meet new guys. thats why i like seattle so much. i can go somewhere, and there will be a completely new set of dudes, that believe it or not, have no idea who i am. whereas in oly, theres probably only one daphnie floating around, and thats me. i dont really know though. i think maybe i want to be single, cause i seem to compare anyone i meet to drew, and although they generally surpass all ideals and whatnot that drew has set up in my mind, when it comes down to the cuddles and kisses, i cant really do it. oh well. i find that im having a very hard time saying goodbye to him. i dont really know how to. i dont have the heart to, and i dont want to, but im tired of feeling like a piece of shit. im trying to be strong.
little miss peris. i know you dont even really go on these things, and you will probably never read this, but know that i love you bunches. thank you for giving me insight into your life, with that letter you wrote me. things will only get better. and im always here for you. so is drew, believe it or not, and so are many other people.
im so friggin home sick for a home i dont even have. i feel like a waste-oid. i really need to get a car, so i can get a second job, but i spend all my money on getting fucked up. i need to stop that also. i just stopped caring somewhere along the way. fuck it.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY SAUSAGE???
im trying to meet new guys. thats why i like seattle so much. i can go somewhere, and there will be a completely new set of dudes, that believe it or not, have no idea who i am. whereas in oly, theres probably only one daphnie floating around, and thats me. i dont really know though. i think maybe i want to be single, cause i seem to compare anyone i meet to drew, and although they generally surpass all ideals and whatnot that drew has set up in my mind, when it comes down to the cuddles and kisses, i cant really do it. oh well. i find that im having a very hard time saying goodbye to him. i dont really know how to. i dont have the heart to, and i dont want to, but im tired of feeling like a piece of shit. im trying to be strong.
little miss peris. i know you dont even really go on these things, and you will probably never read this, but know that i love you bunches. thank you for giving me insight into your life, with that letter you wrote me. things will only get better. and im always here for you. so is drew, believe it or not, and so are many other people.
im so friggin home sick for a home i dont even have. i feel like a waste-oid. i really need to get a car, so i can get a second job, but i spend all my money on getting fucked up. i need to stop that also. i just stopped caring somewhere along the way. fuck it.
HAVE YOU SEEN MY SAUSAGE???