absolutetly awful
ok, so i get home, hear some bad news about my guy situation, have about 15 min to be sad about that.
then i get these 2 emails from my dad. which is usually not a good sign. the last week has been awful between my dad and mom, and they've been forwarding all the emails they've been sending to each other and to steve (moms bf who is one of the best things in my families life right now)well not my dad has decided once again to tell me how much i've screwed up my life by choosing to live with my mom. and really, i just love it when he brings up the worst event that has ever happend in my life. it's like stabbing a knife in me over and over again. things have happened, i have forgiven people. and ive learned that god tells you to forgive..and hten forget. never bring it up again. so i try to do this, and its hard, but i continue trying and get better at it every day. and then he does this bullshit, and sends me an email. i can sit here and tell you that there was not one single sentance in those emails that didnt make me feel like shit. i could even put into an email back to him how awful it made me feel. and then my guy situation and this all in one night just isnt helping, and theni have stuff to worry about with some of my friends too. its just too much heartache in one night.i just cried for probably 2 hours straight. do you knwo how much that drains you? i do...because it happens everytime myd ad involves me in stuff. its the same story, its always through email,i walwyas ball my eyes out and then get my mom and seh comforts me, and then ill talk to my dad again. this time i called himt ot ell him i wasnt going to talk to him for a while, and that if he called me back i wudnt answer. but he didnt pick up, so when he called me back i stated balling again, and just yeleld at him telling him i wasnt going to talk to him for a while and he asked why and i lost it and saisd "there wasnt one fucking sent in the email that made me feel good about myself and im sick of you making me feel like shit and ifyou cant see how that email would make me feel awful then you need to go re read it a few times until you realize what you did to me. and you need to udnerstand that ive forgiven mom, and that we're trying to move on. and we finally have someone good in our life who you agreed was good and now you're tattle on mom trying to take it away" and he started apologizing saying he didnt mean it like that, blah blah blah, and i said "dad i love you, but i cant do this anymore, i cant talk to you and ifyou call back i wont answer. im sorry, and i still love." and hung up, so he called back and left a message. and then icalled my mom and steve was just so nice, he picked up and iw as balling so he kept asking what was wrong and i was just like cani just talk to my mom, my dad sent me a couple emails. and he was like ok hold on i love you. and then ir ealized that i love him too. and hes just such a great dad to me already. he got back on the phone after i talked to my mom and said lots of nice stuff to me and it made me feel a lil better. and then my godmother called and told me that i was a good person, which is always nice to hear. especially when alot of other people including your own dad are telling you your not. but yeah. its kinda fu cked up bc i know im not goign to be over it 2morr.. and some people are goign to think its one thing thats bothering me which is stupid when its really something else that isnt so stupid. but yeah... i just wish i cud go ahead and be happy and carefree and not worry about anything or cry over anything.
then i get these 2 emails from my dad. which is usually not a good sign. the last week has been awful between my dad and mom, and they've been forwarding all the emails they've been sending to each other and to steve (moms bf who is one of the best things in my families life right now)well not my dad has decided once again to tell me how much i've screwed up my life by choosing to live with my mom. and really, i just love it when he brings up the worst event that has ever happend in my life. it's like stabbing a knife in me over and over again. things have happened, i have forgiven people. and ive learned that god tells you to forgive..and hten forget. never bring it up again. so i try to do this, and its hard, but i continue trying and get better at it every day. and then he does this bullshit, and sends me an email. i can sit here and tell you that there was not one single sentance in those emails that didnt make me feel like shit. i could even put into an email back to him how awful it made me feel. and then my guy situation and this all in one night just isnt helping, and theni have stuff to worry about with some of my friends too. its just too much heartache in one night.i just cried for probably 2 hours straight. do you knwo how much that drains you? i do...because it happens everytime myd ad involves me in stuff. its the same story, its always through email,i walwyas ball my eyes out and then get my mom and seh comforts me, and then ill talk to my dad again. this time i called himt ot ell him i wasnt going to talk to him for a while, and that if he called me back i wudnt answer. but he didnt pick up, so when he called me back i stated balling again, and just yeleld at him telling him i wasnt going to talk to him for a while and he asked why and i lost it and saisd "there wasnt one fucking sent in the email that made me feel good about myself and im sick of you making me feel like shit and ifyou cant see how that email would make me feel awful then you need to go re read it a few times until you realize what you did to me. and you need to udnerstand that ive forgiven mom, and that we're trying to move on. and we finally have someone good in our life who you agreed was good and now you're tattle on mom trying to take it away" and he started apologizing saying he didnt mean it like that, blah blah blah, and i said "dad i love you, but i cant do this anymore, i cant talk to you and ifyou call back i wont answer. im sorry, and i still love." and hung up, so he called back and left a message. and then icalled my mom and steve was just so nice, he picked up and iw as balling so he kept asking what was wrong and i was just like cani just talk to my mom, my dad sent me a couple emails. and he was like ok hold on i love you. and then ir ealized that i love him too. and hes just such a great dad to me already. he got back on the phone after i talked to my mom and said lots of nice stuff to me and it made me feel a lil better. and then my godmother called and told me that i was a good person, which is always nice to hear. especially when alot of other people including your own dad are telling you your not. but yeah. its kinda fu cked up bc i know im not goign to be over it 2morr.. and some people are goign to think its one thing thats bothering me which is stupid when its really something else that isnt so stupid. but yeah... i just wish i cud go ahead and be happy and carefree and not worry about anything or cry over anything.