still a little bit of your song in my ear
It's a weird time, full of weird firsts that are at the same time amazing and heartbreaking.
Monday's my first birthday living in London.
Monday's my first birthday since my mum died.
No matter how much of a fuckup I was she'd always call me. We'd always celebrate it, somehow.
And tomorrow it's a year to the day she died.
And so I find myself feeling a little messy. I'm planning a night out at a fun fair with new friends and loved ones. I'm driving around in my new car, sorting out buying this new house and moving (again!). But this time last year I was planning a wedding and she was alive.
My sister was here with the baby and husband. Having them around felt really good. I can't believe how close we've become since last June. I was looking forward to that for ages, now there aren't any big planned milestones to wait for. I'm in limbo. Working a job I'm not really that happy in, being paid next to nothing, not able to do anything about it because I need a stable income for the mortgage people. It's so damned frustrating. Buying a house in England is the most ridiculously complicated lengthy process. Our offer was accepted in January, and here it's May and we haven't even got an exchange, never mind moving date. And I have to wait for all that before I can start looking for a better job.
I get to vote today. Weird.
I sent of my licence this week in exchange for a British one.
Firsts.
Monday's my first birthday living in London.
Monday's my first birthday since my mum died.
No matter how much of a fuckup I was she'd always call me. We'd always celebrate it, somehow.
And tomorrow it's a year to the day she died.
And so I find myself feeling a little messy. I'm planning a night out at a fun fair with new friends and loved ones. I'm driving around in my new car, sorting out buying this new house and moving (again!). But this time last year I was planning a wedding and she was alive.
My sister was here with the baby and husband. Having them around felt really good. I can't believe how close we've become since last June. I was looking forward to that for ages, now there aren't any big planned milestones to wait for. I'm in limbo. Working a job I'm not really that happy in, being paid next to nothing, not able to do anything about it because I need a stable income for the mortgage people. It's so damned frustrating. Buying a house in England is the most ridiculously complicated lengthy process. Our offer was accepted in January, and here it's May and we haven't even got an exchange, never mind moving date. And I have to wait for all that before I can start looking for a better job.
I get to vote today. Weird.
I sent of my licence this week in exchange for a British one.
Firsts.