Diary [13/20]
Title: Diary
Author: midnightcancer
Pairing: Gerard/Frank + Gerard/Billie (future) + Frank/OMC (past)
Rating: NC-17
Warning: language, drugs, sex, past suicide attempts, anorexia, and a whole lot of angst
Disclaimer: Gerard and Frank own their names. I own the characters. And the plot is mine.
Summary: Based on real events. Gerard writes in his diary whenever he has an encounter with his ex-boyfriend Frank - or whenever he thinks about him (which is quite often). Frank broke up with his boyfriend a short time ago and Gerard suspects he's being used as a rebound but he can't help wanting Frank.
November 13
He’s safe. I know this because his boyfriend told me. Billie’s safe but he wasn’t talking to me. And wasn’t talking to his boyfriend either. He was, however, on the phone with him because his boyfriend won’t let him hang up. Instead of speaking, though, he just cried. And that was enough I guess.
He still is on the phone, actually. The only difference is that Billie’s now talking to me because his boyfriend told him how worried I was. Billie’s upset with me. He’s upset that I told his boyfriend about Danny. But it was a mistake. Everything felt relevant at the time. Every little bit of information felt important - like the knowledge Danny was at the party could somehow prevent Billie from killing himself. I didn’t know. But at the time I thought it might have. There was always that possibility. But now that I’m thinking clearly I realize that there really was no reason for it. Can’t change it, though. It’s all in the past.
Billie’s also pretty upset that I told his boyfriend everything in general - not just about Danny. But about… Well, everything. What was I supposed to do, though? Just ignore it? Just ignore what was quite clearly a call for help - whether he knew it was a call or not? No. Fuck that. If he’s talking about suicide like that then I’m going to do something about it - especially if he’s in an environment that was already dangerous to begin with.
Despite how angry Billie is at me, he’s okay. He’s still coming to terms with the fact that I told his boyfriend what was going on. They both told me that it was okay. It’s okay because I might have saved his life. Billie’s boyfriend told me that I did the right thing. When I asked Billie what I was supposed to do, he said that I already did it. So even though I made him angry and upset both Billie and his boyfriend, I still did the right thing. In the end, they’ll both accept the circumstances and grow to be thankful for everything that happened.
I wish it had never happened to begin with, though. That was the worst day of my life. I never ever want to go through something like that again. Nothing scares me more than the thought of losing Billie. Nothing.
November 14
So… Tonight. I couldn’t help myself. And I didn’t even try either. I just… Went for it. Had fun with it. And loved it. Pretty sure Billie did too.
Earlier I was feeling a little frisky. I mean, I’m frisky all the time, really. I just like sex. I like anything sexual. My libido is absolutely insatiable and I’m actually pretty okay with that. But sometimes it gets a little too out of hand. I say too because my desire is always at a point where it’s already out of hand. And, ugh, why not? Sex is great. I’ll never understand why anyone shies away from it.
Billie can be pretty sexual too. Although lately he’s also been getting a little out of hand. He blames it on me. In fact, he told me to stop being so sexual because it’s making him sexually frustrated. Oops. My bad! Pardon that.
Only not really.
But dunno. Tonight I just… I started talking to him about hugging him. Like, totally innocent. Hugging. Yeah. Not sexual at all.
Unless I were to scratch at his lower back ever so gently.
I told him about how I’d scratch his lower back and proceed to trail my nails lightly up his spine until they reached his neck. Then I’d scratch there. These are all his sensitive spots. While I’m in the process of this torture I’d be biting his neck, sucking on his collar bones - that sort of thing.
Then I told him about my vibrator - which has come to be affectionately known as reverse function. I’ve never bottomed before. I don’t really want to either. But Billie is a top so… What’s a guy to do?
Answer: give in.
I’m usually so stubborn but I love being dominated. It’s really, really nice. And fucking hot too. Nothing more sexy than seeing the guy you’re always ripping to shreds rip you up for once.
Although I’ve never had the chance to rip Billie to shreds and he’s making it very clear that I won’t ever. So I’ll work with what I’ve got. And that an ass and this pretty awesome dildo.
“Billie, what if I made a video for you? I’d, like, just make a video of me sticking it in, turning it on… Turning myself on. How ‘bout it?”
His response was cute. Like, okay. We’re talking about something really sexual here but it’s so obvious how awkward he was.
“Gerard, are you serious? Like, seriously. Are you serious?”
“Yes I’m serious. I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”
Apparently when he read what I said about the video, he was running downstairs to get the rice pudding he was cooking out of the oven. As he was running, he tripped and almost fell down the stairs.
What I said obviously had quite the effect on him. Too bad he denied it, though.
While he was eating the rice pudding, he was telling me about how his boyfriend was reacting to him sitting there in his seat squirming and making odd noises. His excuse was the rice pudding was too hot. I find it amusing that his boyfriend actually bought that excuse. Silly, silly.
When Billie went back upstairs he was telling me about how he was just going to lay there in bed being all horny and whimpering and shit. God, I love it. Love, love, loveeeeee when I have this sort of control over a guy. But it’s really too bad. And I felt bad. And if I was there with him I would have done something about it but I couldn’t. And, as it turned out, I didn’t have to.
With enough persuasion… I got him to jerk off for me.
Billie was worried that his boyfriend heard but, thankfully, he didn’t. As he was still downstairs and all. How could he?
He got me back later, though. Ugh. That bastard. But I masturbate all the time anyway so he just gave me a little boost. That’s all~
A/N: Since it's obvious who Gerard is, you’ll understand why Billie jerking off is such a big achievement. And, yeah. Okay. It’s fucking weird and totally unnatural given the circumstances but, like, how many people can say that they’ve had a gay guy do that to them? Seriously.
And I quote: Is getting a gay guy off one of the things on your bucket list?
Gerard and Billie totally started dating in the end of March, by the way. Fucking score.
Author: midnightcancer
Pairing: Gerard/Frank + Gerard/Billie (future) + Frank/OMC (past)
Rating: NC-17
Warning: language, drugs, sex, past suicide attempts, anorexia, and a whole lot of angst
Disclaimer: Gerard and Frank own their names. I own the characters. And the plot is mine.
Summary: Based on real events. Gerard writes in his diary whenever he has an encounter with his ex-boyfriend Frank - or whenever he thinks about him (which is quite often). Frank broke up with his boyfriend a short time ago and Gerard suspects he's being used as a rebound but he can't help wanting Frank.
November 13
He’s safe. I know this because his boyfriend told me. Billie’s safe but he wasn’t talking to me. And wasn’t talking to his boyfriend either. He was, however, on the phone with him because his boyfriend won’t let him hang up. Instead of speaking, though, he just cried. And that was enough I guess.
He still is on the phone, actually. The only difference is that Billie’s now talking to me because his boyfriend told him how worried I was. Billie’s upset with me. He’s upset that I told his boyfriend about Danny. But it was a mistake. Everything felt relevant at the time. Every little bit of information felt important - like the knowledge Danny was at the party could somehow prevent Billie from killing himself. I didn’t know. But at the time I thought it might have. There was always that possibility. But now that I’m thinking clearly I realize that there really was no reason for it. Can’t change it, though. It’s all in the past.
Billie’s also pretty upset that I told his boyfriend everything in general - not just about Danny. But about… Well, everything. What was I supposed to do, though? Just ignore it? Just ignore what was quite clearly a call for help - whether he knew it was a call or not? No. Fuck that. If he’s talking about suicide like that then I’m going to do something about it - especially if he’s in an environment that was already dangerous to begin with.
Despite how angry Billie is at me, he’s okay. He’s still coming to terms with the fact that I told his boyfriend what was going on. They both told me that it was okay. It’s okay because I might have saved his life. Billie’s boyfriend told me that I did the right thing. When I asked Billie what I was supposed to do, he said that I already did it. So even though I made him angry and upset both Billie and his boyfriend, I still did the right thing. In the end, they’ll both accept the circumstances and grow to be thankful for everything that happened.
I wish it had never happened to begin with, though. That was the worst day of my life. I never ever want to go through something like that again. Nothing scares me more than the thought of losing Billie. Nothing.
November 14
So… Tonight. I couldn’t help myself. And I didn’t even try either. I just… Went for it. Had fun with it. And loved it. Pretty sure Billie did too.
Earlier I was feeling a little frisky. I mean, I’m frisky all the time, really. I just like sex. I like anything sexual. My libido is absolutely insatiable and I’m actually pretty okay with that. But sometimes it gets a little too out of hand. I say too because my desire is always at a point where it’s already out of hand. And, ugh, why not? Sex is great. I’ll never understand why anyone shies away from it.
Billie can be pretty sexual too. Although lately he’s also been getting a little out of hand. He blames it on me. In fact, he told me to stop being so sexual because it’s making him sexually frustrated. Oops. My bad! Pardon that.
Only not really.
But dunno. Tonight I just… I started talking to him about hugging him. Like, totally innocent. Hugging. Yeah. Not sexual at all.
Unless I were to scratch at his lower back ever so gently.
I told him about how I’d scratch his lower back and proceed to trail my nails lightly up his spine until they reached his neck. Then I’d scratch there. These are all his sensitive spots. While I’m in the process of this torture I’d be biting his neck, sucking on his collar bones - that sort of thing.
Then I told him about my vibrator - which has come to be affectionately known as reverse function. I’ve never bottomed before. I don’t really want to either. But Billie is a top so… What’s a guy to do?
Answer: give in.
I’m usually so stubborn but I love being dominated. It’s really, really nice. And fucking hot too. Nothing more sexy than seeing the guy you’re always ripping to shreds rip you up for once.
Although I’ve never had the chance to rip Billie to shreds and he’s making it very clear that I won’t ever. So I’ll work with what I’ve got. And that an ass and this pretty awesome dildo.
“Billie, what if I made a video for you? I’d, like, just make a video of me sticking it in, turning it on… Turning myself on. How ‘bout it?”
His response was cute. Like, okay. We’re talking about something really sexual here but it’s so obvious how awkward he was.
“Gerard, are you serious? Like, seriously. Are you serious?”
“Yes I’m serious. I’ve never been more serious about anything in my life.”
Apparently when he read what I said about the video, he was running downstairs to get the rice pudding he was cooking out of the oven. As he was running, he tripped and almost fell down the stairs.
What I said obviously had quite the effect on him. Too bad he denied it, though.
While he was eating the rice pudding, he was telling me about how his boyfriend was reacting to him sitting there in his seat squirming and making odd noises. His excuse was the rice pudding was too hot. I find it amusing that his boyfriend actually bought that excuse. Silly, silly.
When Billie went back upstairs he was telling me about how he was just going to lay there in bed being all horny and whimpering and shit. God, I love it. Love, love, loveeeeee when I have this sort of control over a guy. But it’s really too bad. And I felt bad. And if I was there with him I would have done something about it but I couldn’t. And, as it turned out, I didn’t have to.
With enough persuasion… I got him to jerk off for me.
Billie was worried that his boyfriend heard but, thankfully, he didn’t. As he was still downstairs and all. How could he?
He got me back later, though. Ugh. That bastard. But I masturbate all the time anyway so he just gave me a little boost. That’s all~
A/N: Since it's obvious who Gerard is, you’ll understand why Billie jerking off is such a big achievement. And, yeah. Okay. It’s fucking weird and totally unnatural given the circumstances but, like, how many people can say that they’ve had a gay guy do that to them? Seriously.
And I quote: Is getting a gay guy off one of the things on your bucket list?
Gerard and Billie totally started dating in the end of March, by the way. Fucking score.