The Heart is A Lonely Hunter
at work.
don't want to work tho, so i'm not.
I'm alone in the office.
COMPLETELY ALONE.
so no ones making sure that the filing i'm supposed to be doing gets done.
Seriously, like NO ONE came in today cus everyone had other engagements and crap.
so i might as well take advantage.
i'm lonely.
i miss my friends.
i miss rose and andrea and martine and karen the most.
cus it's been the longest since i've talked to them or seen them.
I have the most to tell them also.
i love the four of them sooo much.
Lately i don't feel all that close to any of my friends.
i guess cus i haven't been seeing them much.
i don't want to talk to my therapist tomorrow.
Thursday has become my most hated day of the week.
i used to love thursday cus it meant "Friends" and the wknd was coming soon.
Now all it means is an hour in a small room with my mom and the therapist.
blah.
my mom is going to make me start volunteering at the carmelite retreat house cus of the pot.
that's my punishment. I have to work w/ nuns.
it's times like this that i hate being me.
lately it feels like i've stopped caring about everything.
i feel like me life has come to an almost complete standstill.
it seems as though everything has stopped and the world and my life is passing me by.
i feel as though the best years of my youth are going to waste under punishment.
i spend all my time with adults now.
i don't do much at home.
i keep trying to be productive and start art projects, writing projects, and books i never finish.
i feel completely discouraged with my position in life.
i know there's people worse off than me and that just makes me feel worse.
it's kind of like, "what right do i have to bitch when there are ppl in the world starving?" Just because i'm not satisfied with life.
sigh.
i don't hate myself right now.
i don't want to kill myself either.
i just don't like being me.
and i don't want to keep on living.
it doesn't really seem worth it.
i'll do it, but it's so damn tedious and pointless.
god.
somebody save me before i go insane.
seriously i can slowly feel myself going crazy.
it's a horrible feeling.
i don't want to be insane.
i really don't.
but i'm making that transition.
help me?
i bought spray paint yesterday.
red, white, black, and silver.
that kind of makes me less.... disappointed in life.
whatever it is that i am.
don't want to work tho, so i'm not.
I'm alone in the office.
COMPLETELY ALONE.
so no ones making sure that the filing i'm supposed to be doing gets done.
Seriously, like NO ONE came in today cus everyone had other engagements and crap.
so i might as well take advantage.
i'm lonely.
i miss my friends.
i miss rose and andrea and martine and karen the most.
cus it's been the longest since i've talked to them or seen them.
I have the most to tell them also.
i love the four of them sooo much.
Lately i don't feel all that close to any of my friends.
i guess cus i haven't been seeing them much.
i don't want to talk to my therapist tomorrow.
Thursday has become my most hated day of the week.
i used to love thursday cus it meant "Friends" and the wknd was coming soon.
Now all it means is an hour in a small room with my mom and the therapist.
blah.
my mom is going to make me start volunteering at the carmelite retreat house cus of the pot.
that's my punishment. I have to work w/ nuns.
it's times like this that i hate being me.
lately it feels like i've stopped caring about everything.
i feel like me life has come to an almost complete standstill.
it seems as though everything has stopped and the world and my life is passing me by.
i feel as though the best years of my youth are going to waste under punishment.
i spend all my time with adults now.
i don't do much at home.
i keep trying to be productive and start art projects, writing projects, and books i never finish.
i feel completely discouraged with my position in life.
i know there's people worse off than me and that just makes me feel worse.
it's kind of like, "what right do i have to bitch when there are ppl in the world starving?" Just because i'm not satisfied with life.
sigh.
i don't hate myself right now.
i don't want to kill myself either.
i just don't like being me.
and i don't want to keep on living.
it doesn't really seem worth it.
i'll do it, but it's so damn tedious and pointless.
god.
somebody save me before i go insane.
seriously i can slowly feel myself going crazy.
it's a horrible feeling.
i don't want to be insane.
i really don't.
but i'm making that transition.
help me?
i bought spray paint yesterday.
red, white, black, and silver.
that kind of makes me less.... disappointed in life.
whatever it is that i am.